Autistic nephew and NT niece removed from my sisters care - follow up

[BetUWanna]

Hi everyone,

my previous thread is here - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5483297-aibu-to-not-have-sister-and-her-autistic-child-nephew-in-my-home?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I just wanted to update anybody who wanted one on my niece.
She has her school placement and is due to start school on a reduced timetable after Easter. The timetable will be slowly enhanced with a view to have her in full time education by September.
My niece has had some vaccines and is waiting for others. (She was never vaccinated with anything) and has 2 appointments at the dentist to start treating her dental damage from next to no teeth brushing.

She has not and will not see my nephew. I don't know if this is indefinitely, but for the time being definitely.

My nephew is still in an assessment unit currently. They are working on a pupil referral unit for him and a residential home.
I have not spoken to my sister at all, and have no plans to. I am in contact with my nephews father but not to the same extent I am with my nieces family.

My nieces dad is aware of the previous thread and has taken the time to read through it all with his family, and he is very grateful for the advice and encouragement on that thread.

I just wanted to post an update for anyone wanting one. I posted in AIBU before so I'm posting here again hoping to catch some of the posters who wanted to be updated on my little niece.

I am spending the weekend with my niece and family and we have a lovely Mother's Day planned tomorrow with me, my mum, and nieces dad's family (his mum and partner - they have a baby). We are so excited to see my niece and My niece is looking forward to seeing everybody and I can't wait to give her a squeeze later.

Have nice weekends all!

I read your other thread, I hope you, your daughter and your niece have a wonderful time together. Having your continued presence in her life will mean such a lot to her. I hope your nephew gets the help he needs, things sound like they are moving in that direction. I hope your sister, in time, realises that sometimes loving your child isn’t enough, and that she needed more help for them to have the best life they can.

Thank you, yes I agree having familiar faces around her is a good thing. She seems so settled already. I know this may catch up with her but she's really flourishing, almost a different child to when I saw her over Christmas. She has seen my sister via a supervised contact route but that's it.

My nieces dad's partner is so lovely and is seemingly a really positive influence in my nieces life.

Just seen this update, it sounds like both children are in the best places possible for them.

Do you know (via family) if your sister is okay? All three of them have had their lives turned upside down in the last few months.

Apologies I've only just seen this. I didn't have too much of an update last week anyway but I do have a better update now. My sister is still not speaking to me. She is seeing my niece and nephew, my nieces full time care is staying with her dad and family but she sees my niece supervised every couple of weeks, which is the opposite of the original set up, she was with her dad EOW. As far as I know she is open to support but is deeply unhappy about my niece going to school, being vaccinated and she is still very much alienating herself and firmly stuck in her beliefs. My niece has not seen her bother at all, her dad and family are not keen on this for the due to safety concerns and potential trauma this may cause my niece. There are no plans for my niece to see my nephew for the considerable future. My niece hasn't asked about my nephew at all and seems so much happier in her current set up. She is due to start school next term on a reduced time table. She's had 2 settling in sessions and loved them both. I'm excited for this next chapter for her. She's had her hair cut, she's had her vaccines and she's had dental appointments. I FaceTime her most evenings and see her once a month. She is coming to stay with me for a couple of days during the Easter holidays so her and my DD can spend some time together which I'm really excited for. Dad is being amazing and so are his family. I'm really grateful they're letting me be so involved. The services have spoken to me too as nieces family informed them that I'd like to be involved, and would like to have my niece overnight now and again. The final decisions / care are with the services and dad but with the hope for this to move to solely dad soon but this can take a long time I've been told. I really appreciated this so I can continue to support them all.

My nephew is in a pupil referral unit. As far as I know he will then go into a residential home. I don't get many updates on him as my sister is not speaking to me, and his dad is very hit and miss on replies. I have not visited but my sister and his dad have visited nephew.

have a good weekend to anyone that's here still!

@BetUWanna
you sound an absolute tower of strength to everyone x

I don't know how I missed your updates, but I am so pleased to see them. I immediately knew which thread it was about. I'm so glad you stepped up for the kids and hearing how your niece is thriving is wonderful. I hope your nephew gets proper help so that his future is so much better.

Have a fantastic weekend!

Wonderful update, I'm so glad things are improving.

Isn't it surreal to think, such a short time ago, you first posted on here and were unsure about reporting? The fact that SS intervened so quickly, and these enormous changes have happened, just proves you did the right thing, and not a moment too soon. I wish you all the best.

I’m assuming her son has also had jabs etc now. And I’m really sorry for the boy as he seems to have drawn the shitty straw with parents.

Hopefully your sister has been able to work a bit more to improve her finances too.

Hi everyone.
just an update for anyone who's still here. My niece had her first half day at school this week and she absolutely loved it. She was quite overwhelmed when her day finished but I caught up with her on FaceTime and she telling me about her day. She's on a reduced time table at present but it was so lovely seeing her in her uniform. An experience she's never had before.

She's doing really well.

Aww that’s fantastic news x

I saw some of your first thread, and then lost it. I am so glad to see such a positive update on your niece.

It is also positive that your nephew is going to get the support he needs. Your sister has let down both of her children. Hopefully going forward they both will have what they need to flourish.

That’s such lovely news. I hope she continues to enjoy school.

I didn't see the original thread, but in really pleased for your niece and nephew that they are getting the help and support they need.

I love that your niece is having a great time at school. That is wonderful and I'm sure she will absolutely thrive.

I think i might have something in my eye.
Well done you @BetUWanna for doing what you did to help your dsis, dniece and dnephew.💐
I’m sure it wasn’t easy.
Would your dsis be on the spectrum?

I've just read through your posts OP, you've done amazingly well!
Your niece has a chance at a decent life because of you 💐

I was on your first thread and I've been thinking about the children quite a bit.

I'm so happy for them - many thanks for the update, and hats off to you for being such a rock for them.

Wonderful news @BetUWanna ❤️

What a lovely update, @BetUWanna! Thank you for posting. It sounds as though your DNiece is in a much better place.

You've done an amazing thing for that little girl, and probably for her brother as well. I hope that one day your sister will be able to see that, too.

❤

I remember your other thread. Wishing all three of you the very best and hoping for the best outcomes for the children.

Please to hear your news. There might be bumps in the road for your niece but it sounds like ahe is happy. I'm glad they are easing her into school gently.

Oh this has made me cry. 😢
I thought about you all during the last few weeks. I’m delighted your niece is doing so well.
Hopefully this means you have zero regrets or remorse -you 100% did the right thing, it sounds like that darling little girl is utterly thriving with her dad and long may it continue to.
I hope that she stays with him full time & permanently-but seeing plenty of you and your daughter too. I hope your nephew gets the help he needs.

As for your sister -well it sounds like she still can’t see how terrible she was as a mother to that little girl. Hopefully she will realise in time this is for the best but I wouldn’t hold my breath.
Thank you so much for coming back to update. Sometimes these threads get under the skin and it’s hard when we just never know how things are.

I hope you have a glorious summer with your family -& I’m including your nieces dad /wife in that too. Sending you all a hug 🤗 & flowers 💐.

I didn't see this update thread until today, so reading the updates all on one go had been amazing!

I was smiling every time you mentioned your niece going to school and being excited to do so. Getting her vaccinations, her hair cut and seeing a dentist are such positive developments.

Her dad and his partner sound great (especially her... imagine suddenly having another child, with all this drama happening, and having to adjust your life and be welcoming, positive and cheerful about it all!)

It's like a fairy tale, and you are definitely your niece's fairy godmother!

Hi op, why is your sister not speaking to you?

Congratulations to you all OP. What a horrible time for you all, and now it’s all looking up.

Dsis ought to be able to get the intensive psych treatment she needs now her DC have been removed - harder for her or services to If ignore if the court orders it. DNephew is in the right place.

Both DC will need help to recover from their traumatic early years.

You can read the original thread, there is a link in the OP's first post. That thread explains everything in detail, as it's a very complex situation.