Autistic nephew and NT niece removed from my sisters care - follow up

[BetUWanna]

Hi everyone,

my previous thread is here - https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/5483297-aibu-to-not-have-sister-and-her-autistic-child-nephew-in-my-home?utm_campaign=thread&utm_medium=app_share

I just wanted to update anybody who wanted one on my niece.
She has her school placement and is due to start school on a reduced timetable after Easter. The timetable will be slowly enhanced with a view to have her in full time education by September.
My niece has had some vaccines and is waiting for others. (She was never vaccinated with anything) and has 2 appointments at the dentist to start treating her dental damage from next to no teeth brushing.

She has not and will not see my nephew. I don't know if this is indefinitely, but for the time being definitely.

My nephew is still in an assessment unit currently. They are working on a pupil referral unit for him and a residential home.
I have not spoken to my sister at all, and have no plans to. I am in contact with my nephews father but not to the same extent I am with my nieces family.

My nieces dad is aware of the previous thread and has taken the time to read through it all with his family, and he is very grateful for the advice and encouragement on that thread.

I just wanted to post an update for anyone wanting one. I posted in AIBU before so I'm posting here again hoping to catch some of the posters who wanted to be updated on my little niece.

I am spending the weekend with my niece and family and we have a lovely Mother's Day planned tomorrow with me, my mum, and nieces dad's family (his mum and partner - they have a baby). We are so excited to see my niece and My niece is looking forward to seeing everybody and I can't wait to give her a squeeze later.

Have nice weekends all!

Presumably because after much agonising OP contacted social services as she was concerned about her sister's children.
If you read the previous thread you will get the full picture.

Well done OP. You are an example to us all.
and thanks for updating. 🫡

I am worried about your nephew though - from what you have said and the examples given - feels pretty harsh that he is in a residential unit with limited contact with his family and none with his sister - he is suffering because of bad parenting. I wish him all the best

I'm so glad your niece has had such a positive few months, and has enjoyed starting school.
You've been a wonderful auntie to both children.
Thanks to you, your nephew is also now getting lots of help.
That's really positive for him, too.
Well done @BetUWanna

I'm really glad things are so much better now for your niece OP, and that she has a lovely stepmum as well as her dad. I hope she continues to have a great time at school. I hope things get better for your nephew, it sounds really difficult for him.

I've just come across your posts tonight and read through them all, you have been very brave and totally correct in reporting and following up on the treatment of your niece and nephew. My parents went through similar, in the mid 70's my father stood up in court to help his bil get custody of my cousins taking them from his sister, it was a very rare thing for a man to get custody back them but my father and mother both knew that it was the best thing to happen, it fractured the relationship between my father and his sister but he never regretted it. In the 80's my mother tried to have her nieces and nephews removed from her sister and husband but social services said the level of neglect/abuse wasn't met!! Believe me it was met and passed, sadly history repeated and 15 years ago my mother had to report her niece for the same reasons and this time the children were removed and have been in foster care ever since, if social services had taken the reports seriously in the 80's things may have been different for everyone. My parents were so certain that my aunt and her husband were unfit to care for their children that they built an extension on to our house so we'd have room for them but sadly tbey never got to live with us. You remind me of my parents, willing to risk the relationship with your sibling for the good of the children and I wish there were more like you. Well done.

This is a great example of family and social services pulling together to help vulnerable children andvthough she won't accept it yet a mother with mental health issues who is not coping. It's also an example of mumsnet at its supportive best ( excluding the why were you not supervising him when he broke the baubles contingent in the previous thread). Well done OP you are an awesome aunt ❤️

Thank you for the update, good that it seems to be going in the right direction, well done for all your support for them.

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all the kind messages. I don't have too much of an update on nephew, things are in the pipeline for him but lots of assessments are happening and these things take time but he's ultimately getting the help he needs.
Niece had her first full day at school today, with the view of having her first full week next week. She's very tired, bless her, but I can't explain the joy I had when I got sent a picture of her in her uniform with her lunchbox. She looked so proud and I am SO proud of her. We all are.

sister still doesn't see anyone else's views but her own. She doesn't agree with schooling and had a bit of a breakdown when niece had her vaccines. I do periodically try to check in with her but to no avail. She's made it clear she doesn't want to speak to me and that's okay.

Hope everyone has nice weekends. We did have plans with niece this weekend but figured we'd move it 2 weeks as she's very tired from school and don't want to overwhelm her. I'll be seeing her weekend in 2 weeks so will report back then.

As always the support is very appreciated from me, and also my nieces family who do know the threads are here and have read through them! X

i remember your first thread. i'm glad your niece is doing well and hopefully your nephew will be as well now that he can get the support he needs.

one day your sister may be able to see that you were right to do this because her kids needed help and she wasn't able to give it.

This made me cry. Thank you for standing up for this little girl. Wishing all the best to your family ❤️

I remember your thread too. It sounds like social services took action quickly..
Hopefully it will benefit them all eventually, but especially your neice.

💐@BetUWanna
That wee girl and boy are lucky to have an aunt like you in their lives.

Same @BetUWanna i am so glad there are people like you in this world with the strength you’ve had for your neice. A lovely but sad, but will be lovelier going forward for her.

I am so happy for you and your niece, OP. She's young enough to get caught up with schooling, socialising and life. You really saved her life, and I hope she'll recognise that in the future.

I read your last thread and just wanted to tell you what a wonderful caring auntie you are. I understand that this may not seem the case for your nephew at present, but hopefully in the future he will benefit from your intervention too.
Never have I routed so much for family on here. Well done, and good luck for the future.

You've done a wonderful thing for those children, OP. They're very lucky to have you for an aunt.

Some play therapy might be wid fo your niece. She will have things to process and need support to do this..

She is having play therapy and counselling already. That's one thing the services have been really good with helping sorting that out. The play therapist will be visiting her during school time which is good!

While we all care about your niece and nephew and are glad they are being well supported, maybe it's now time to give them their online story privacy? This is pretty specific and they are now at school with more about around to connect the dots.

Im happy for the thread to stay up. My nieces family are also very grateful for the thread. I haven't added any location details, or even what country we are in. It's been a great pillar of support for me and the family and I genuinely don't think this outcome would be if it wasn't for me posting on here. The updates are a lot more sparse now and I don't know if there will be anymore updates anyway x

I'm glad you're happy to leave the thread up, OP, it may help others who are wondering whether a child's home circumstances should be reported.

Hi everyone.
I finally have an update on my nephew after a long while. Unfortunately his violence has escalated. He is not safe around the other children in the care home so has separate meal times, separate activities and has a 1:1. He has not engaged in any of the therapy so far and is very defiant. He has had many assessments but the permanent decision can take a while. He is being reviewed regularly but at the moment is receiving an education through social services rather than at school. I haven't been to visit him but my sister does go and his dad has gone too. I'm unsure if he's been vaccinated as my sister won't divulge much as she still hates my guts.

I am so sorry to hear that.

Oh dear, that's a sad update for your nephew, although it was predictable.

I am so pleased for your niece and you did complete the right thing for her.

You also did the right thing for your nephew too, but he is going to find this whole situation very upsetting and confusing and he won't understand why it's happened. From your later updates it's obvious that his behaviour was escalating into scary areas, so your sister may have had to involve outside agencies, especially if there had been significant harm involved. At least this scenario has been avoided.

You were incredibly brave to make that phonecall. I hope I would have done the same if the situation had arose, but it wouldn't have been an easy one to make 💐