AIBU to expect posters to read the OP’s updates before replying?

[RupertTheBlackCat]

The reason for my title is that I'm getting increasingly frustrated with posters who clearly have not read all the preceding posts by the original author of the thread. There is a recent one about Mothering Sunday that is a classic example - the poor (and extremely patient!) OP is having to repeat the same points over and over and over and over..... again, simply because contributors have not read all her posts.

Now, I entirely appreciate that it's not always possible to read every post on a thread - of course not! - but surely it's possible (and, I would say, essential) to read every post by the initiator of the subject before making a response.

So, AIBU? Or is it okay to just launch in without reference to the opening poster's actual situation?

I think this is part of the same problem. If people are quoting the op a way down the thread, you can guarantee that that is all they have read. It's annoying but easy to skip over.

The problem isn't duplicate advice. There is absolutely no requirement to read every post on a thread before commenting. But posters should read all the OP's posts. It's easy enough to do it by pressing the See All option at the bottom of their opening post.

I haven't rtft, but the mothering Sunday one is just like this. I bet nobody has mentioned this, so I'm confident in posting it without even bothering to have a look 😉

It's easy enough to use the filter button to read only the OP's updates though. In fact, the longer the thread, the more likely it is that what you want to say or ask has already been dealt with in replies by the OP. You don't need to read every single post.

🤣😂🤣

I don't always read posters replies as it's the OPer that I'm replying to, so may I duplicate. But I do always press on see all on the OP that way it shows only what they've written.

So many people just don’t use the site very well even at a basic level. Many seem to have no idea that there’s so many sections and topics and go to Active and AIBU and then complain that it’s “bitchy” or harsh. Use the filters, set your favourite topics, dig a bit deeper, you’ll enjoy it more I promise!

This. The OP will post:
"I have 2 kids, 8 and 12, and I'm facing this problem, that problem"
And the first few posts will be inundated with
"I hope you don't have kids with him, OP"
"How many kids do you have and how old?"

Are people really attracted to 500+ posts threads because they think they're juicy?

Well I never.

I never open a thread that has more than about 150 posts. If I don't get in early, I consider myself to have missed the boat.

My favourites are the "gotcha!" posts with regards to husbands, smugly declaring their new hot take about why the DH is in fact the biggest AH ever to walk the earth.

"My husband is at work and I'm looking for ideas of where to take the kids today"

Why can't HE take them out???!!!

"My husband is in hospital on life support and I'm struggling a bit with the kids"

Why isn't your DH doing his fair share?! These absentee fathers are everywhere!!

"I need ideas about how to keep my kids amused at my husband's funeral"

Why isn't your husband helping?! Those are his kids too!! LTB LTB LTB!!!!!!!

YABU for policing how other members decide to respond to posts. And the ‘poor’ poster who you said has to repeatedly reply to the same comments doesn't actually HAVE to reply to multiple similar posts.
In the grand scheme of things, this is so low down in my list of things to get worked up about!

I really need to know now how many ways there are to pronounce forehead. I can only think of one.

You’re becoming ‘increasingly frustrated’? I think you’re a bit over invested. I do tend to read all OPs posts using the see all function but don’t really care if others don’t. It’s easy to just ignore their posts. It’s just an online forum anyway, not that important and most people use it as a way of passing time/entertainment.

Glad you asked! There is 'for head' and 'forrid'. Someone on that long long thread quoted a rhyme using the second pronunciation and was told off because someone else had already quoted it!
How much can it matter, really?

I generally only read the first page unless it’s a riveting thread, and then the last page after posting as that’s what then pops up with your published post. So, I’ll often respond to other posts on the last page also. The whole thing would be solved if OP’s just put full and relevant information in the initial post. If they are going to drip feed or change tack as replies are not going their way, I’m not going to spend my time sorting through that by reading all their posts.

I wonder if you read the same thread as me today, genuinely the OP has reiterated so many times the points and still people are posting clearly having only read the first post.

Im amazed on that particular post that the OP has any patience to keep explaining, personally I would just ignore any poster that isnt capable of reading more than one post.

I agree. It is as annoying as quoting the OP’s first post when replying.

Its not drip feeding, people ask for more info and its given that changes the situation. I imagine at the time of posting, the OP doesn't think of every single question likely to be asked and may leave information out, not to drip feed but because they didn't think of it initially but it adds to the bigger picture.

Quite often you will get someone posting about a partner causing an issue but on the whole is great but when people ask questions, it turns out there is more but the OP just hadnt even considered those things in the bigger picture because things have been that way so long, they consider it the norm. Thats just one example.

Just had a quick look at that thread - the first responder asked who's doing the cooking and do you have children?

Quite explicitly stated in the opening post that the husband is cooking and they have DC 😄

There are also times when circumstances change.

For instance, a thread where the OP’s cat died after her first post, and idiots were still going on to recommend taking her to the vet.

Or one where a poster turned out to have had an ectopic pregnancy & idiots were still suggesting, pages after that, that she went to A&E.

Plus if you read all the OP’s posts you can get an idea of which questions have already been asked & answered & which advice has already been given, so you don’t make yourself look stupid with comments like ‘I haven’t read the thread but… [question the OP has answered twice already].’

There was a thread a while ago, I think in Baby Names, where the OP made a minor error early on. She graciously acknowledged each poster who corrected her but it gradually turned into a running joke in the thread, where the OP & the posters who’d notice were counting the number of correction posts.

I always do this for a long thread - simply to see if the OP has bothered to return within a reasonable time; if she hasn't I don't usually bother reading the thread.

Ive been here since it was all fields and it was ever the same.

I always think of it like sticking your head into a room where people have been chatting for a while and just blurting something out and walking away again. Leaving everyone going 🧐 🙄 wtf were they on about ?!? 🤣

Yanbu, but it's equally frustrating to have the same themes and threads repeated again and again and again.

This is one of the most common complaints on Mumsnet op. Twas ever thus.

Why does this matter to you?

I think the people who do this are the same people who in real life are too busy thinking about what they’re going to say next to listen to what the other person is saying.