AIBU to suggest deciding later on holiday plans two weeks postpartum?

[NameChangeAsICouldBeOverReacting]

AIBU to suggest my brother in law’s partner should come on holiday 2-4 weeks postpartum?!

My in law’s are going aboard in the summer holidays and my BIL and his partner will have a baby 2-4 weeks before.

I’ve said to see how she feels as she suffers from prenatal anxiety, will be a first time mum, and it’s all a big adjustment the first time around (I have two of my own).

When I mentioned this tonight, I’ve been told I’m being ridiculous and it’s actually easier being with family in those first few weeks.

I agree with that statement, but the holiday is in France and they are planning to drive. It will be a 3 hour car journey, but a week away with 4 other grandchildren.

AIBU to suggest to consider it closer to the time?! Feel like I’m the only one being sensible, especially as she’s high risk for PNDD.

It is completely up to them.

Will they even be able to get baby registered and then get a passport in two weeks? It may not even be possible.

Omg........I'd barely made it out of the bedroom with my first at two weeks, defo not unreasonable to say see how she feels! Plus two of mine were 10 days late🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

Absolutely, but AIBU to give a perspective that it could feel unreasonable to go aboard at potentially two weeks PP?

We flew to Turkey with our eldest at 11 weeks, so I’m not adverse to travelling with a young baby, but even being 4 weeks postpartum seems crazy to me. Especially as she’s high risk for PNDD, I just feel like the in laws should give her some slack and accept that it may not happen..

I have mentioned that. It took us a week to get an appointment post birth, so I’ve said this may be an issue.

It’s genuinely up to them though. It could be fine or it could be a disaster and there’s no way to know.

I would keep right out of it since it’s in laws.

With these kinds of people, it's best to leave it alone. She's convinced her life will not change and the baby is just a potato that sleeps all day.

I have a neighbour who insisted on going skiing with a 3 month old, to the US, in January!! So a very long flight, a long drive at the end and very high altitude resort where temps in the day were -20!! I suggested she may not enjoy that and it went down like a lead balloon.

Reader - she did go! She had an awful time. Baby woke every 90 minutes for a week. Never slept for even 2 hours at a time (was a good sleeper at home). It was so cold, she barely left the accommodation. She got altitude sickness and felt sick for the first 2 days. She did no skiing whatsoever (after spending £500 on the ski pass alone and a lot more on ski gear rental). And her and her DH were on the brink of divorce by the end of it.

Ludicrous, baby might be really late and not even be here.

Also can they get insurance when baby is not yet born?

I think everyone is taking this the wrong way, I’m staying out of it but literally just said to them “see how you feel close to the time”.

however, I think it’s ambitious and feel quite concerned on how his partner will be postpartum as her anxiety is at an all time high, with midwives suggesting additional mental health checks, so want to support and make sure she doesn’t feel pressure to go on holiday with her in laws, when it’s not a necessity.

YABU as she won't listen. With these kinds of women, I find the only way is to stay silent or be extremely positive. They don't want to hear the truth or receive advice.

She may be just fine… not all first time mums end up a neurotic mess… some just carry on with their lives ! Hopefully she will be the latter !
And I don’t think you should try to get involved tbh either .. it’ s up to them to decide .

Obviously you're right, but I'd stay out of it. She'll find out the reality of it soon enough.

But if you continue to push it you’ll just piss them off because it’s literally none of your business.

I mean this kindly, but sometimes it is better to stay out of things that don’t concern you. I’m a bit of a empath and worrier like you but at the end of the day it is up to your sister-in-law what she does post birth. Obviously, if it was you having the baby I would agree with everything you were saying but you don’t have a right to talk about how sister-in-law will be.

My baby was still in the nicu until he was almost two weeks old, I had a C-section and I can’t even imagine trying to get a passport in that time… but hey everyone’s different right?

It is my business as I’ll be on holiday with them.

Also, we’ve already been picking up mental health concerns from the BIL as his partner is so anxious about the pregnancy already. Which is my concern, let’s not do anything and help prevent full blown PNDD.

Does the partner think it is a good idea? If so I would keep quiet. But if she is being railroaded into it against her wishes I would hace a quiet supportive word with her.

Genuinely, you need to stop. After the first suggestion was shot down, that was the point at which you shut up.

We all need to learn. She needs to learn. BIL does too. Leave them to it.

It’s still not your business if you’re that worried don’t go on the holiday.

Also. You’re an in law. Anything you say is going to go down like a cup of cold sick. If you’re all that worried, your husband needs to talk to his brother.

but honestly. You have said your piece and now you need to stfu.

I'd would absolutely hate a long drive with a new born baby while still bleeding and lactating. Does your SIL want to go?

Your intentions are good but you cannot force people to know what they don't yet know.
Sorry @NameChangeAsICouldBeOverReacting , but everyone is right. You tried. Now leave it. Be there to help if you can, but stop trying to learn other people's lessons for them, it's just not possible.

The baby may not even have got an appointment to be registered, let alone have a passport.

That's aside from the risk of birth injuries or just plain feeling knackered and in minimal function/ maximum rest mode.

You’ve said you’re bit and they can take it on board or ignore it. Their call.

I’m not pushing it, but I think I asked to understand if I’m being unreasonable in my suggestion to “wait and see” as the in law’s acted like I had suggested the most insane thing in the world.

I imagine those telling me to “stfu” would probably be telling me I’m insane if I was asking “should I go aboard at 2-4 weeks postpartum”

No. Because that would be YOU asking. You’re not asking. Your sil has made a decision you don’t like. But you literally have no influence and you’ve already said your piece and now you need to leave it.

i assume it’s not a cruise?