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AIBU?

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Original poster

So scared after DHs test results and trying to be brave

26 replies

Scared908 · 13/03/2026 18:47

DH has had a scan today and the results were fired back to the GP who called within 4 hours of the scan (unheard of here to even get an appointment most of the time!). They have found what they think are calcifications and nodules of "unknown cause", and he is being fast tracked to specialists for further scans and investigations and should have an appointment within 2 weeks.

He has lost a lot of weight and has been feeling really tired for a while, and also a couple of other worrying symptoms. He is only 50. I am just so scared about what will happen next and keep telling myself it isn't real and I will wake up any minute.

it has to be nothing, it has to be.

Just looking for an outlet really because I am really scared and am holding back tears so I can be strong for him, but I am in bits :( There is no one in RL I can talk to.

OP posts:
HollyhockDays · 13/03/2026 18:51

When we were in this situation I had to try and take it one day at a time. My mantras were “DH is well today” “Today is a good day”. You are in the system now just take it slowly. Don’t google.

Springisspringingnow · 13/03/2026 18:52

I'm so sorry your DH is going through this OP. Not wonder you are distraught
It's good he is being fast tracked.
All best wishes to you both.

MotherJessAndKittens · 13/03/2026 18:55

just try to be strong for him and shout scream cry when no one is in the house. You don’t yet know what’s ahead so don’t do the what if… Though it’s going to be difficult.

LeftBoobGoneRogue · 13/03/2026 18:55

DH and I work to ‘it’s not a problem until it is’. We’ve both gone through a cancer diagnosis and treatment. So if we’re having scans or biopsies we assume the best while we wait for results to come through.

Motnight · 13/03/2026 18:57

HollyhockDays · 13/03/2026 18:51

When we were in this situation I had to try and take it one day at a time. My mantras were “DH is well today” “Today is a good day”. You are in the system now just take it slowly. Don’t google.

I think that this is brilliant advice. My DH has 2 life limiting illnesses, this is what I have to do in order just to be able to deal with it.

Original poster
Scared908 · 13/03/2026 18:59

This is all really good advice thank you, to DHs face I have been very much lets just see what happens, one step at a time, lets not assume anything, I want to make him feel as supported and calm as possible, inside I feel like my insides have been screwed in a ball, I think I just needed to write it down so I don't blurt out my worries to DH. I appreciate all the kind answers and advice.

OP posts:
FakeTwix · 13/03/2026 19:00

When I had to have biopsies and was in the 2 week wait system, I just decided to refuse to waste energy on the unknown. It is really hard to do but without any facts you could drive yourself mad. I put the thoughts in a little box in my head and carried on with the day to day until the appointments and results came through.

Do you have an NHS app or similar so you can keep track of where you need to be when and what has been done so far?

JacknDiane · 13/03/2026 19:00

All the very best to you both @Scared908, im wishing you both good, non worrying results x

Original poster
Scared908 · 13/03/2026 19:03

Im not sure if it shows in the app what has happened so far, GP said he would receive a call for the referral and we should expect a call early next week. A diary might be a good idea though, thank you

Edited due to spelling

OP posts:
damelza · 13/03/2026 19:05

As someone who is also waiting on biopsy results, I reckon it's actually harder on those around us than on the person themselves. Maybe not in all cases, but certainly in mine. I do lose the rag a bit because of inner tension.... but I've ignored it mostly and feel well and just doing what I always did. There's nothing I can do anyway until I know if it's positive or negative really. From others, I notice sideways glances, frowns, comments like "how are you feeling, ok today?" that kind of thing.

I know it's easier said than done, but I worry far more about others in a similar boat than I do about myself! How is DH dealing with it from your perspective, that's a clue as to how you deal with it too I think. Although every circumstance is different I know that.

Wishing you the best outcome.

Original poster
Scared908 · 13/03/2026 19:10

damelza · 13/03/2026 19:05

As someone who is also waiting on biopsy results, I reckon it's actually harder on those around us than on the person themselves. Maybe not in all cases, but certainly in mine. I do lose the rag a bit because of inner tension.... but I've ignored it mostly and feel well and just doing what I always did. There's nothing I can do anyway until I know if it's positive or negative really. From others, I notice sideways glances, frowns, comments like "how are you feeling, ok today?" that kind of thing.

I know it's easier said than done, but I worry far more about others in a similar boat than I do about myself! How is DH dealing with it from your perspective, that's a clue as to how you deal with it too I think. Although every circumstance is different I know that.

Wishing you the best outcome.

Wishing you all the best with your results 💞

Is there anything I could be doing to help DH? I want to just wrap him up in cotton wool and make it all go away! I am keeping everything as normal as I can, I think so, but what should I do to help him? I feel terrible because it is DH going through it and Im talking about how i feel it is literally so i dont blurt this out to DH-he is my best friend and normally my rock for anything to talk to about-so this is really hard and want to give him the support he deserves

OP posts:
Ohchocichocolate · 13/03/2026 19:12

Currently on my third different cancer. Latest ones just because I’m a woman. 18 years since the first.

the medics and treatments available today are incredible so please keep that in mind 💐

damelza · 13/03/2026 19:20

@Scared908 What works for me, might not work for you and DH. What I will say is try keeps things ticking over as normal, but don't ignore the situation either. I know in my case, my DP is quiet about it most of the time, but when I lose the head (just because of rising tension within me) he will make me a coffee and say things like " it'll be fine, you'll see, try not to worry, I'm here," blah blah, but he knows when to leave me alone aswell!

The thing is, we KNOW our loved ones are scared too, so in a lot of ways we try to protect them. If he wants to talk about it, encourage that, if he doesn't, don't force it.

We all deal with things in different ways. Now all I have to do is try and keep a lid on this temper of mine, which is bubbling now and then, but not directed at anyone really, just "things" that are trivial but are driving me crazy, because tension is heightened.

Original poster
Scared908 · 13/03/2026 19:27

damelza · 13/03/2026 19:20

@Scared908 What works for me, might not work for you and DH. What I will say is try keeps things ticking over as normal, but don't ignore the situation either. I know in my case, my DP is quiet about it most of the time, but when I lose the head (just because of rising tension within me) he will make me a coffee and say things like " it'll be fine, you'll see, try not to worry, I'm here," blah blah, but he knows when to leave me alone aswell!

The thing is, we KNOW our loved ones are scared too, so in a lot of ways we try to protect them. If he wants to talk about it, encourage that, if he doesn't, don't force it.

We all deal with things in different ways. Now all I have to do is try and keep a lid on this temper of mine, which is bubbling now and then, but not directed at anyone really, just "things" that are trivial but are driving me crazy, because tension is heightened.

Thank you so much for this and I am sorry for what you are going through too. Really good advice and helpful to know how you are feeling about those around you as well. We haven't told the teens yet, we are waiting until we get all the information.

DH is being very brave, I have told him if he wants to talk I am here but if he doesn't want to thats OK as well. Talking to you all here is really helping, thank you

OP posts:
PumpkinPieAlibi · 13/03/2026 19:30

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Test results can seem scary and your brain will make weird links and come to the worst conclusions, but sometimes bodies are strange and the cause is not what you've been dreading.

What other symptoms has he had?

Original poster
Scared908 · 13/03/2026 19:39

PumpkinPieAlibi · 13/03/2026 19:30

I'm sorry you're going through this OP. Test results can seem scary and your brain will make weird links and come to the worst conclusions, but sometimes bodies are strange and the cause is not what you've been dreading.

What other symptoms has he had?

Thank you; other symptoms like weight loss, extreme tiredness, some Gastro symptoms, like loss of appetite.

It just all feels quite raw I suppose

OP posts:
EeyoresLostTail · 13/03/2026 19:42

I'm so sorry your DH is going through this OP. Its Nautural you are distraught Good they have found it and that he is being fast tracked.

when my Husband was really poorly afew years ago i was struggling to hold it together but I had too tell myself He will be scared too and i was brave for us both as I know if it had been the other way round he would have done the same
All best wishes to you bothXX You will get through this together as a Team

Rrlj · 13/03/2026 19:44

Sending hugs 🥰 its not easy and very scary I had similar when I had a positive FIT test and got put on the 2 week cancer pathway I didnt have cancer but was dignoised with crohns. So scary as I was a new mum with a 4 month old. I called dh crying in a car park outside b&m with a crying baby. I know its easier said than done but try not to worry to much it might not be something as scary as cancer. I was lucky in a way because I was dignoised a lot quicker than others with ibd! Sending you and you dh all the love & positive wishes x

decorationday · 13/03/2026 19:47

You can't support your DH unless you're looking after yourself (put your own lifejacket on first etc). Macmillan have a support line you could call if you wanted to talk it through with someone with expertise.

You haven't said which pathway he's on, but most people on suspected cancer pathways don't have cancer. But things have to move fast to ensure that those who do have cancer get care promptly. He has a legal right to be told if he does or does not have cancer within 28 days of a suspected cancer referral. So that should be the maximum time frame you need to manage the uncertainty.

Even if it is difficult news at the end of this process, people often say that waiting for the results was the worst part. Once they know what they're dealing with and what the treatment will be, they have more certainty and it feels more manageable than the not knowing.

In the meantime, everything is okay in the present moment right now so try and stay there rather than letting your mind race off into what-if scenarios.

Look after yourself.

MermaidofRye · 13/03/2026 19:56

I think it's unfortunate that they 'phoned you on Friday when nothing can be done for the next week or so, giving you the weekend to stew in it.

Under a different user name, I posted on here in over a missed call from the GP at 7.30 on Friday evening. I had been waiting for results and was in an absolute panic.

I got the same advice that other wise posters are giving you and it calmed me down.

Also don't Google, as others have said.

it's the most serious stories that can put out there, not the ones where it wasn't as serious and you end up thinking the absolute worst. I did and it was the worse, the worst, thing that I could have done. I gave myself torture because I was sure that all the horrible things mentioned were all coming to happen to me all at the same time.

What did happen was nowhere near as bad as I imagined but I put myself through that torture and lived it anyway, when there was no need.

Thinking of you.

KaleQueen · 13/03/2026 21:56

Ive been fast tracked twice and so has my daughter and she was only 3 at the time so I understand the anxiety. All things were non cancerous. Even though symptoms pointed to the need for the two week wait. Infact, my daughter even didn’t wait two days, she was sent from GP to A and E to ultrasound in 24 hours. It was worst time of my life but it was all treatable. I did just google what you’d described and it sounds like it’s likely it’s something they need to check under a ‘could be’ protocol. Please don’t worry. He’s in great hands if it is something that requires treatment ❤️

mjf981 · 13/03/2026 22:08

I'm sorry. The not knowing is really really awful.
When you get answers you can then make a plan. Try to be positive this weekend and do something nice you'll both enjoy - spoil yourselves.

Original poster
Scared908 · 15/03/2026 19:26

It has been a hard weekend but we have made the best of it-we went out to the seaside yesterday, it has wiped DH out though, so today has been DH resting and me catching up on housework. Feeling a bit more in control of how I am feeling too-PPs you literally stopped me blurting to DH, I am so grateful.

We had a brief chat about everything but trying to stay positive and very much in the "it will all be OK lane"

Will have to see what the week brings now.

OP posts:
NFPorterkeeponkeepingonNsoul · 15/03/2026 19:30

Wishing you both a favourable outcome.

Rachie1973 · 15/03/2026 19:41

Don’t forget stress and fear will exacerbate tiredness and you’ll actively be watching for symptoms now so cut yourself some slack.

my DH was diagnosed with terminal (but slow moving) cancer 2 years ago. Then COPD. Then bladder cancer, which they were able to clear.

I know exactly how you feel and trying to be nonchalant but caring, concerned but not terrified is such a difficult balancing act. It’ll exhaust you, so take care of yourself xxxx