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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

AIBU To think there is joy to be had in womanhood?

86 replies

ProudMammysHouse · 13/03/2026 17:22

Just saw this tweet by MP Rosie Duffield: https://x.com/RosieDuffield1/status/2032146070046650812

" "Joyful in their womanhood" is something no biological woman has ever said and meant, ever."

And it's just made me really sad for her. I know things aren't perfect and some parts of being a woman are downright unfair but to be this negative about it just seems like there are other issues going on with her.

Am I the only one who has ever felt beautiful, powerful and dare I say, joyful, in my womanhood?

Rosie Duffield MP (@RosieDuffield1) on X

@nyaraVT "Joyful in their womanhood" is something no biological woman has ever said and meant, ever.

https://x.com/RosieDuffield1/status/2032146070046650812

OP posts:
EwwPeople · 14/03/2026 10:22

ProudMammysHouse · 14/03/2026 09:30

Your Russia comparison isn't true at all. Just look at the Irish who live abroad, especially the Irish Americans and see how proud feel about being Irish. It is an ethnicity, that's why on forms it says White Irish and White British as options.

Wha ethnicity is white other?

PencilsInSpace · 14/03/2026 10:24

" "Joyful in their womanhood" is something no biological woman has ever said and meant, ever."

There is joy to be found in some aspects of being a woman, e.g. female friendships and motherhood - but we don't go around proclaiming our 'joy in our womanhood'. The only time I've heard actual women saying things like that they've either been tradwives or women in the sex industry and the impression I get is not joy but desperation.

The other group of people who say they are 'joyful in their womanhood' are men and we know exactly what they mean by 'joy'.

Un-nesting the tweets, the conversation went like this:

A small account: It will forever be amazing to me that people with medical degrees got in front of a camera and said that the effects of puberty blockers on children and adolescents are fully reversible.
The horror.

JKR: And it will forever be appalling to me that a bunch of celebrities with influence over young people used their platforms to amplify unevidenced claims for the benefit of transitioning minors while smearing those urging caution as bigots.

A 'Radical Trans "Fox Girl"' with an anime avatar: You are a miserable, misogynistic woman who is envious because trans women actually “want” to live as women and are joyful about their womanhood..

so you attack not just trans women but ALL women with your patriarchal nonsense

That's what Rosie Duffield was responding to. In the middle of a conversation about the terrible harms of transing children this anime pops up to declare his 'joy' in his 'womanhood' and accuse JKR of being jealous of him.

It's glaringly male behaviour.

Strawberryfruitstarburst · 14/03/2026 10:36

jeaux90 · 13/03/2026 23:28

Her point is no woman has ever said it. And I agree. There is no joy in being the sex class where 2 of us die every week at the hands of men.

Well let’s all just give up now and be miserable then!!!!

I was bullied by women growing up, I have experienced more nastiness from women m. I hate female gossips in the office and mean girls.
BUT I have met some INSANELY wonderful female mentors in my life and also some wonderful men. My male partner is my best friend. My son is a beautiful soul.

Joyful things about being a woman to me-

Being pregnant and giving birth.
My birth was really fucking hard but I felt like a warrior afterwards.
The feeling of being a mum feels like a superpower, I am now fearless when it comes to keep my child safe and would die for him.

When I was single in my late teens and 20s in the 2000s I loved dressing up and feeling feminine and making new friends and meeting men. I don’t care if that makes me shallow I had a bloody whale of a time as a woman.

Now as a woman I am enjoying my nearly 40s, wiser and not giving a fuck.

CommonFishDiseases · 14/03/2026 11:21

This is a fascinating thread. I love being a woman for so many reasons (biological and social). I feel joy in that, yes. I would never want to be a man. I am aware of my relative privilege, but I have also found joy in elements of suffering associated with being a woman. I can hold this simultaneously with an acute awareness of the oppression women face globally and constantly.

blankcanvas3 · 14/03/2026 11:27

There’s absolutely joy in womanhood, but I don’t think any of it is to do with the female biology (apart from feeling your baby kick maybe?). But women who’ve never had children still can find joy in womanhood. I love being a woman. I love my female friendships, I love going into the toilets in a bar and being best friends with another woman in there for five minutes. I love dressing up and spending a couple of hours getting ready. I love being a mum. I love my relationship with my dad as his only daughter.

shhblackbag · 14/03/2026 11:29

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 13/03/2026 18:12

I think female biology is pretty shit. Women really got the short straw biologically - not only do we have monthly menstruation, which can be devastatingly painful, we're also the ones who can be easily raped, and the ones who carry the entire load of pregnancy and birth, which is exhausting and can injure and even kill us.

And THEN, just when you're past the worst of the exhaustion of kids, the bloody perimenopause kicks you in the teeth for 5 years. When it hit me, I was like Meursault for a while, shaking my fist and cursing the unfairness of the universe.

I celebrate womanhood and love women, and would still rather be a woman than a man, but our biology is a pain in the arse.

All of this. Every word.

SisterTeatime · 14/03/2026 11:40

It’s just nuts though isn’t it, that the people most likely to talk about ‘joy in womanhood’ are men. so I agree with Rosie Duffield.

Actual women can feel however we like about the hugely varied experience of our lives as well as those experiences linked to our female biology, many - but not all - of which we share.

I don’t mind being a woman, there’s nothing I can do about it so I accept it … it’s just reality.

ProfessorBinturong · 14/03/2026 12:59

I feel a connection with other females which springs from shared experiences of the worst of our culture at the hands of men.

Hmm. I do understand that but it's hardly a good thing, is it? People from oppressed groups or those who have suffered horrific experiences often feel a sense of connection with others who can truly understand and empathise with their experience - but that doesn’t make the oppression or bad experience a good thing.

itsthetea · 14/03/2026 13:03

The worst of our culture ca come from other women as much as men and you are lucky of you have never experienced that

RosesAndHellebores · 14/03/2026 13:07

I have always loved being a woman and wouldn't swap. I've always found it a privilege and I had babies and felt the visceral need for them and the strengthnof maternal bonds. My woman's body produced them, my woman's love nurtired them, my woman's brain helped educate them and my woman's ambition and graft brought me professional success and money.

TiredShadows · 14/03/2026 13:25

There can be, just like there can be joyfulness in existence. However, people rarely go around saying that unless they're trying to make a point - I think that's the point of the original tweet - not that no woman has ever felt that.

But in the rest of Europe you have to admit that far more women were hunted for being healers and doing 'womanly magic'

I don't think the data follows that. Whether the focus is on women is culturally dependent. In Iceland, the vast majority were men. This is due to how the concept of magic had developed there and that the men were openly practicing what was culturally believed to be sorcery when Christianization was going on. In places where women were the target, usually there is a history of both sexes using magic, but women being more vulnerable and our emotions being viewed more likely to cause harm.

Much of the magic people who were - and are - accused of being witches isn't healing. It is rarely but being accused of cursing someone is far more likely. In the documentation we have of those accused, many themselves had the belief that their ill thoughts may have harmed another. That was and still in some places a common believe - it's often how evil eye and similar work - and in many places, women's emotions are culturally more connected to that whether it's envy and/or rage cursing people or our lusts seducing them.

Within Europe's history, there are also accusations and open practice that was beneficial, but not healing - blessings over land that included reference to the sun and winds, but not to Jesus was enough to get people accused and killed, and we have the documentation of people admitting to that as it was a practice that had been handed down to them. We have men who were accused and admitted to being werewolves, these were sincere beliefs people had, not just others hunting them.

The idea women were being hunted down as 'healers' or 'womanly magic' is a modern myth that like many twists some truths into a new tale that is meant in be empowering - and some may find it does - I see it as erasing. Yes, women were pushed out of healing practices as it became medicalised - it wasn't because were were 'so good', it was because wealthy men in power thought very little of those practices, viewed them as scams compared to what they could do even when what they were doing killed people.

Your Russia comparison isn't true at all. Just look at the Irish who live abroad, especially the Irish Americans and see how proud feel about being Irish. It is an ethnicity, that's why on forms it says White Irish and White British as options.

Those are options on British and Irish forms. You won't see them most other places. For Irish Americans, they'd fall under 'White' or the incredibly inaccurate 'Caucasian'. Forms don't define ethnic groups, they're descriptive of the groups those making the forms view to be relevant. On forms, I'm either Mixed or Mixed Other - it's not something I'm proud of, it's just how I'd describe my ethnicity.

Some Irish abroad are proud, some don't care, it used to be common to hide Irish heritage as it was looked down on, things changed. Now, those who are proud are going to be a lot louder, that doesn't mean they're the only ones that exist. With Irish Americans - far more claim it now than actually have it, and their idea of being Irish is through an American lens of the idea of the underdog with little connection to reality in Ireland. It's true of many underdog heritages within the US at the moment - families pass down the idea of it and it's not always accurate as there have been many cultural shifts of 'acceptable' heritages throughout US history and people changed their family stories to suit. It's not innate.

I'm an immigrant to the UK, my children have no connection to my birth country - I didn't pass on my citizenship, they've never been as I haven't been back, I intentionally continued with very few traditions I was raised with and those I did are not specific to my birth country. I prefer being seen as, and having my kids seen as, British, I want them to connect with and find joy where we are. They are aware of their family history, that it has quite a few gaps because of immigration and people distancing themselves from groups that were despised - it's understanding, not pride.

For some, that Russian comparison is very true. You not seeing it for some of us is the point, but you shouldn't dismiss those of us like that exist.

Deerinflashlights · 14/03/2026 13:30

I completely agree with you @ProudMammysHouse I absolutely love being a woman. The world is so far from being perfect and I have sat at the sharp edge of that a fair amount but I don’t see the world’s ills as my problem to fix so I just focus on trying to keep my own teeny section of it in order.

I suspect as an MP, Rosie feels a lot more responsible for sorting out the really big problems which must be some weight for her to carry. There are some real issues for women out there.

guinnessguzzler · 14/03/2026 13:50

@LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta I don't disagree with you about our biology but I do think it's also part of what makes women so wonderful. It took me a long time to realise that constant change is a defining feature for almost all women in a way it just isn't for men. That, combined with our biological vulnerability, I think is a large part of what has made us develop to be more cooperative, adaptable, able to cope with whatever life throws at us and so on. There are a number of men in my life who I have huge love and respect for but far fewer than the women I know. And even the admirable men I can think of mostly seem much less well rounded than the women; they might be good at one or two things but they're not holding it all together in the same way, probably partly because they don't have to. When I see the difference between the girls and boys in my kids' classes, I really despair. It is the girls getting involved and taking advantage of opportunities and only ever one or two of the boys and that applies across everything except football. I don't think it was like that decades ago. My Dad still talks about being taught to sew at school. I don't know what happened.

ginasevern · 14/03/2026 14:26

I'm very proud to be a woman. I think it's something very special and cannot be replicated by a man. No matter what surgery they have or how many drugs they take, they will never have the insight, sensabilities or adaptability that I (and most women I know) possess.

LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta · 14/03/2026 14:43

guinnessguzzler · 14/03/2026 13:50

@LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta I don't disagree with you about our biology but I do think it's also part of what makes women so wonderful. It took me a long time to realise that constant change is a defining feature for almost all women in a way it just isn't for men. That, combined with our biological vulnerability, I think is a large part of what has made us develop to be more cooperative, adaptable, able to cope with whatever life throws at us and so on. There are a number of men in my life who I have huge love and respect for but far fewer than the women I know. And even the admirable men I can think of mostly seem much less well rounded than the women; they might be good at one or two things but they're not holding it all together in the same way, probably partly because they don't have to. When I see the difference between the girls and boys in my kids' classes, I really despair. It is the girls getting involved and taking advantage of opportunities and only ever one or two of the boys and that applies across everything except football. I don't think it was like that decades ago. My Dad still talks about being taught to sew at school. I don't know what happened.

"It took me a long time to realise that constant change is a defining feature for almost all women in a way it just isn't for men. That, combined with our biological vulnerability, I think is a large part of what has made us develop to be more cooperative, adaptable, able to cope with whatever life throws at us and so on."

I agree with everything you said. It's annoying to be so biologically vulnerable, as you aptly put it, but it is indeed why we are so cooperative, caring, and resilient.

"There are a number of men in my life who I have huge love and respect for but far fewer than the women I know. And even the admirable men I can think of mostly seem much less well rounded than the women; they might be good at one or two things but they're not holding it all together in the same way, probably partly because they don't have to."

Agree, there is a certain two-dimensionality to them. My H, who is reading a lot of feminist literature these days, says this about men himself, and he sees it in himself too. He calls it emotional stuntedness and often quotes bell hooks: “The first act of violence that patriarchy demands of males is ...that they engage in acts of psychic self-mutilation, that they kill off the emotional parts of themselves.”

Yes, I'd rather have painful periods for 40 years, the dangers and exhaustion of pregnancy and childbirth, and even the shit menopause than be so alienated from my interior and from other people.

BlackMilk · 14/03/2026 14:53

PaintNPaper · 14/03/2026 09:37

I think the context of her tweet is important, it was a reply to this tweet - "You are a miserable, misogynistic woman who is envious because trans women actually “want” to live as women and are joyful about their womanhood.. "

Women might feel happy to be women or enjoy parts of womanhood but she's right, it's not something a woman would ever go around saying particularly. I think she's just annoyed at having womanhood 'explained' to her by men.

Well, this makes a big difference.

Of course a trans-woman is going to find more “joy in being a woman”. They are able to pick and choose which aspects of womanhood they want to “experience”.

Burntt · 14/03/2026 14:56

There is certainly joy for me. It’s all wrapped up in being a mother mainly. Also think I’d rather has sex as a woman that be a man.

but the negatives unfortunately outweigh the joy that’s too true. That’s because of men though and what they do to us and the world they have created and run. It’s not because I’m a woman it’s because of how men treat women.

before kids I may have said the hellish periods are not worth it. But having kids reduced my endo pain and the pain was worth it to be a woman and be a mother. I don’t think a father can be as important to a child as an amazing mother, certainly an amazing father can be better than an average mother but not better than an amazing mother

OrdinaryMagicOfAcorns · 14/03/2026 15:02

I’ve never found any ‘joy in womanhood’. Being brought up as a lesser being in the family, every whim of my brothers and father being more important than me, being left to do the cooking and mind the baby while my mum ran around being treated like dirt by the all important family earner. Going out for a bit of peace from the shouting and sexism only to be followed around and in dangerous positions from men outside. The risk of pregnancy and being blamed for male sexual abuse. The example and role models of celebs who are little more than porn queens, while porn we’re told becomes an acceptable career for women. The limitations of jobs which still exist no matter how much some rich women point to stories of ‘the first woman chancellor” (eg) and claim it means we have no job limitations, having grown up being told you can’t do this that or the other because you’re female but you have equality so still have to work until you’re 70. Working regardless only to watch women’s careers being tainted by the idea of ‘contribute more’ and having to pay to work now. The cost of the Motherhood Penalty and watching your ‘life partner’ take all the sacrifices you made as his natural entitlement and use them to live an easy life in the job he always wanted while you’re left scrabbling around in low pay women’s work having to compete with well-off kids. Having to run around after older men while battling your own health problems caused by too much work, as women’s health services take a nose dive.

What do you think of this story op? https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgkvge4rkmo

A mother with her two children by the sea

'A trap you can't escape': The women who regret being mothers

From mourning the life they no longer have to feeling never-ending pressure, women tell the BBC why they regret becoming mothers.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgkvge4rkmo

guinnessguzzler · 14/03/2026 15:17

That's an incredible quote from bell hooks @LouiseMadetheBestBroccoliPasta thanks for sharing. I have to admit I have never read anything of hers so will need to do that.

ProudMammysHouse · 14/03/2026 15:24

OrdinaryMagicOfAcorns · 14/03/2026 15:02

I’ve never found any ‘joy in womanhood’. Being brought up as a lesser being in the family, every whim of my brothers and father being more important than me, being left to do the cooking and mind the baby while my mum ran around being treated like dirt by the all important family earner. Going out for a bit of peace from the shouting and sexism only to be followed around and in dangerous positions from men outside. The risk of pregnancy and being blamed for male sexual abuse. The example and role models of celebs who are little more than porn queens, while porn we’re told becomes an acceptable career for women. The limitations of jobs which still exist no matter how much some rich women point to stories of ‘the first woman chancellor” (eg) and claim it means we have no job limitations, having grown up being told you can’t do this that or the other because you’re female but you have equality so still have to work until you’re 70. Working regardless only to watch women’s careers being tainted by the idea of ‘contribute more’ and having to pay to work now. The cost of the Motherhood Penalty and watching your ‘life partner’ take all the sacrifices you made as his natural entitlement and use them to live an easy life in the job he always wanted while you’re left scrabbling around in low pay women’s work having to compete with well-off kids. Having to run around after older men while battling your own health problems caused by too much work, as women’s health services take a nose dive.

What do you think of this story op? https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cvgkvge4rkmo

Edited

First, I'm so sorry your family situation was like that.

Second, I think only those who truly want to be parents should be and that a state that values it's future should help financially support all children as default. So not just universal healthcare but also early years childcare and schooling though university. It would go a long way to ease financial burdens on mothers and would also standardized early education so we don't have such a gap in development when children enter proper school.

I'm not arguing that society at large celebrates womanhood but I do find it really depressing how many women seem to distain everything about themselves. So many, like you, have internalized being lesser than that I can almost understand why so many detest trans women now.

This idea that trans women just pick the parts of women hood they like completely disregards that in this country any woman can choose her life path, motherhood or no, marriage or no, make up and dresses or jeans and boots. And that so many either don't seem to know they can choose joy or maybe they just feel more comfortable in misery is sad.

OP posts:
ProfessorBinturong · 14/03/2026 15:25

I don't think it was like that decades ago.

Anything that changes over time - especially such a short time - is not innate. Culture, not sex.

OrdinaryMagicOfAcorns · 14/03/2026 15:34

The women in that article quite clearly says that they love their children. This is not a failure of love. But they regret that they had to lose their freedom and ability to do almost everything to do it.

Men do not have that. Men do not pay a fatherhood penalty. Habitually the same behaviour among women, either sex or parenthood or working, is a stigma and source of shame for women and a source of blame for our lower class status. For men it’s something to be celebrated.

And we are lower class. In the 90s we were told it was going to be different. We were going to have equality. Men were going to do their share. Remember that. Remember that women are always betrayed by men.

Pricesandvices · 14/03/2026 15:39

There's no joy in womanhood specifically IME. Puberty was awful, (thanks lifetime of excessive hair) and female friendships were thin on the ground.

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 14/03/2026 15:57

I love being a woman, I have 3 DS’s, a DH and DB and fantastic female friends. My wonderful DM encouraged me to try and activity I wanted. I feel powerful, important and fulfilled.
I don’t think being a woman is the stitch up, being poor is.

OrdinaryMagicOfAcorns · 14/03/2026 16:08

ForAmusedHazelQuoter · 14/03/2026 15:57

I love being a woman, I have 3 DS’s, a DH and DB and fantastic female friends. My wonderful DM encouraged me to try and activity I wanted. I feel powerful, important and fulfilled.
I don’t think being a woman is the stitch up, being poor is.

Interesting. Speaking as a woman from poverty, both are stitch ups. A woman from any given social - or economic more to the point- class is worse off than the males in that class. Sometimes all women are disregarded in favour of men from any class.