AIBU to suspect partner was messaging someone while in bed with baby?

[Bluebellpoppy1]

Our 9 month baby has been awake for a few hours so I have been up too. Partner has been sleeping. I shortly went back to bed with baby so he could say hi before starting work. Partner works from home and is always in lots of meetings all day so we dont see him much despite him being upstairs.

Baby started crawling over him and he titled phone away so I couldn't see. I then said to baby oh come here daddy is trying to work. He said "what" i repeated it and he said "yes". He then titled his phone back and I noticed the background was white and he closed the app.

I know from expiernce and from when he has checked his phone that ms teams is black background and so are his emails.

Maybe im feeling a bit hormonal as we havent had sex in a while due to baby who wont sleep. But my thought is he was messaging someone. A woman. What do you think? I wonder if I should ask.

Thank u

I’m just having a bubble

No it’s coercive control CEO thank you very much

We are fine. Ive apologised. Not feeling great in my body at the moment so I think hes going to find someone better. Daft I know. I had trust issues in past due to my own issues. I went to therapy and got help. We are fine. Partner doing wake ups tonight so ill give my head a good wobble in the morning . Thanks all

Maybe it’s time to revisit therapy and have a little refresh. You may think everything is fine but that doesn’t mean your partner does too. He may tell you everything’s fine if you ask but there’s nothing more soul destroying than having someone constantly questioning your every move when you’ve done absolutely nothing wrong. Readdress this issue before the resentment take over and ruins your relationship.

I will thank you x

Oh lovely, it sounds to me like you are feeling down on yourself and therefore thinking your DP must be looking elsewhere. There is nothing in your posts which suggests he is.
My DD’s dad left when she was a baby because he met someone else, and honestly, he entirely withdrew, just spent hours online chatting to her. I thought he was gaming (bad enough I guess with a new baby). He did not do wake ups, didn’t do any household tasks, just kind of withdrew. I had no idea what was going on. Your DP sounds like he is engaged in looking after baby, you work together as a team and he’s thinking of your first Mother’s Day. Be kind to yourself, and let him be kind to you.
the first couple of years with a new baby/toddler are difficult but you are doing fine by the sounds of it.
I wish you both the very best. I honestly think you are worrying about nothing.

So last night he got up with baby twice. He then brought me breakfast in bed which was crumpets with mum on them, coffee etc.
So the gift, it was flowers, a box of chocolates and a keyring which said mum but was engraved. I asked where he got the keyring and he said amazon. I said is that what you were doing when I thought you were chatting to someone. He said no. He said he was trying to order a moon pig card but it was Monday delivery only. But here's the thing, this happened on Friday- he could have got next day delivery, also, when I asked friday why he agreed he was doing work. He said he didnt want to tell me what he was doing as that would have ruined the surprise and that's happe ed too much. I then said promise you havent went all out for mothers day, as he usually does for occasion and he said no. However, what im now thinking is how would it have ruined the surprise if he was unable to order the card when I was in bed. So why didnt he just say? Does this sound suspicious?

Kindly, you need to stop. I don’t think you’ve said anything that makes it seem like he is cheating. In fact, what you’ve said about him very recently letting you use his phone while he wasn’t in the room strongly suggests the complete opposite.

He lets you freely use his phone, and you’ve said he doesn’t really go out - I don’t see how he could be cheating. But if my husband acted the way you are, I’d be really cross and upset.

I havent freely used his phone. He leaves it in my company and sometimes Is playing stuff to distract baby when cooking. But yes notifications are always popping up. I can see them, they aren't hidden or silenced but then ahain he could silence WhatsApp or Facebook

But why say it would ruin the surprise if there was no surprise?

Still having a bubble? You might find this ridiculous and I do a tiny bit too but stop treating my life as one big joke. Dont you have anything better to do than "troll" on mumsnet? Sad.

@Bluebellpoppy1 Get yourself back to therapy. This way of thinking is going to destroy your mental health and relationship and he will leave.

There is only so long someone will take having their every move questioned and in the end they’ll get fed up and leave.

OP, you really need therapy. You’re obsessed. You admit that you’ve repeatedly accused your partner of cheating with zero evidence and he’s had to show you his phone many times over the years to prove he isn’t. He doesn’t hide his phone from you, he leaves it around and has notifications enabled.

You are convinced he has cheated on you simply because you saw an app with a background you didn’t recognise on his phone. That’s literally all. It could have been absolutely anything, to be honest. A customer service chatbot, ChatGPT, anything. You’re being really obsessive and you honestly sound like someone who is bordering on having OCD or similar because you are questioning everything to the most minuscule degree.

Jesus, it’s a surprise because you didn’t know you were getting anything/what you were getting for Mother’s Day. Please stop because you’ll push your partner away!

Why do you think it’s an affair? DH and I text people all the time…our parents, siblings, cousins, nephews, friends, colleagues. That’s when I’m not typing messages on here. We’d both gone nuts by now if we’d interviewed each other about every text sent.

Op, kindly, this sounds like a problem on your end, not his.

I don't want to push too hard because you are feeling emotional, but I would be wrong if I didn't say to you what I would say to a man in this situation. This could be or become emotionally abusive towards him. I need you to be honest with yourself, does he not go out much because he is tired, or is it because he is worried what you will say? Have you become upset with him in the past about going out, or any friendships he has? Would it be ok for him to have a friendship group that was half women? If he has learned to change normal behaviour to avoid upsetting you, that is an alarm bell.

Ok yeah your post about today is pretty concerning. You are coming across as very paranoid and controlling. A white background isn’t evidence, I’m sorry. I have been in the position of being endlessly questioned with the other person desperately trying to ‘catch me out’ - it was horrific!

Get some therapy, you are paranoid