AIBU to be annoyed when people comment on my teen’s acne?

[empee47]

14 yo DD has developed mild acne on her forehead all of a sudden, totally clear in November, started in December and has been getting worse. Bumped into several people in the last week who we haven’t seen for a while and all have said ‘ oh, you’re growing up, teenager now, got the acne etc.’ There’s just no need for that, is there? They’re not wrong but there’s no need to mention it, is there? Why is everything based on looks all the time? 🙈

YANBU, that's incredibly rude of them.

I'd be tempted to say 'actually she's a bit self-conscious about it and it's unkind to point it out'. Something like that.

Bit tricky when it's people you know, but ooh I'd have great fun coming up with replies to this for strangers.

"And you too, got the receding hairline!"

YANBU
no one should be commenting on someone’s appearance like that

this !!!

People are dicks.

I'm torn between wanting to make an equally rude remark back or ignoring it so as to not draw more attention.

How's your DD. Acne really affected my confidence for a long time. Can you help her seek treatment or isnt she bothered. I'd be led by her.

Yanbu i would of felt so uncomfortable as a teen if someone pointed out my spots. Even now as an adult I get the odd spot and would hate someone pointing it out. Just reply oh you've gained weight since I've last seen you and see how they like it.

I remember going to some friends of my parents when I was about 13 and had started to get a bit of a spotty face and my mum made a comment about my face to the woman friend who we rarely saw due to distance.

I was so mortified and I've never forgotten it and I'm 71 now.

She was pretty tactless anyway but that was just awful.

The people voting yabu what on earth makes you think its acceptable to comment on somebody's appearance especially a teenage girls

Some of the things adults say to teens/children makes me wince. I think some people genuinely revel in other people's difficulties, that they went through once. Puberty is hard enough without people pointing out the signs to mock them with/draw attention to just for laughs.

YANBU

yanbu some people are so tactless

People are rude, and can't abide with anything that is different/a change. When you have something on your face, that you are painfully aware of, and that you can't hide, having people point it out creates a big dent in your confidence.

I wouldn't have had the confidence to do it as a teenager (I got bullied a lot for my looks), but as an adult, I'd be thinking up responses to show the other person that they are being rude. If you're with her when they make these comments, please stand up for her. You're her mum, and possibly her biggest adult influence at the moment- and she'll always remember you for standing up for her at a time when she felt vulnerable.

That sort of thing really does stay with you, doesn't it?

Yes, that's awful. People can be so casually horrible to teenagers. My own mum used to do it to me, so very good for you for being on her side!
I agree that it's good to try to say something in the moment, even just a mild, "that's a bit insensitive, isn't it?" And with her, in private, to talk about the acne as something you can help her with, not making it taboo - you may of course be doing this already, forgive mumsplaining if so. But there are really good treatments now. I got mine a Clearstart kit from Dermologica - pricey, but has made a huge difference to her skin.

Rude! But in case it get worse, bear in mind that it’s totally treatable nowadays. Get a dermatologist referral or whatever the UK protocol is now. Both of mine have worked their way through all the treatments up to isotretinoin and have beautiful skin now.

Tactless at best, nasty at worst.
Remarks like this stay with people long after the acne has gone.

That's so rude? 'Got the acne, eh?' presumably while not even addressing the child directly while they just stood there in stunned silence.

Kid should've replied 'I'll grow out of acne. It seems you haven't grown out of making personal rude remarks.'

Presumably, you call them out on it?

It’s really rude and my dd14 would be devastated if someone mentioned this.

Fuck me that’s incredibly rude

Thanks, guys, for all your support! Thanks also for the product recommendations.

My grandmother, who was a great one for personal remarks, peered at me when I was about your daughter’s age and said “Your acne’s getting very noticeable, isn’t it?’

To which my dad replied “So are your bloody wrinkles”.

Massively rude wankers.

Get her some Skinoren, it's azelaic acid at 20% concentrate and is ridiculously effective. You can get it at online chemists; you have to submit a picture of the acne for them to sell it to you, but it is 100% worth the effort. I wish I'd had access to it at her age tbh. Hope it helps.

People often feel more comfortable being rude to teenagers than they do to adults. I think it's a power thing.

Probably the correct thing to do would be to gently point out that it makes your teen self-conscious. Personally I'd be tempted to make rude personal comments back at them.

I agree it’s not on

next time you need to say something, I would be telling them not to be so rude and walk away, you need to show your child you won’t accept such comments

Unbelievable.