Have you used classic Mumsnet phrases in real life, and did they work?

[ForRealViper]

After years on MN I've read my fair share of stories and advice, and it's made me wonder:

Have you ever deployed a classic MumsNet conversational cue in real life? Have you ever asked someone if they "meant to sound so rude"? Have you ever deliberately attempted a "tinkly laugh"? Have you ever tried to deploy a "devastating comeback" that you remembered from a thread?

Did it work? What happened?

I hate the phrases,
Get your ducks in a row
In the trenches.
I could scream every time one is used here.
So I would never use them, anywhere.

Someone at work used ‘ducks in a row’ the other day, which I know is an established idiom. But it did make me think “I bet you use Mumsnet”. Especially as she is only about 30. Doesn’t strike me as something a young person would say otherwise.

A colleague replied "no" to a request (from someone in another team) this week and ended up in front of HR 😆

I have definitely said "it's an invitation, not a summons" irl when someone was moaning about the cost of attending a wedding abroad. That was a classic!

a parent rang me at work and referred to her Darling Daughter when talking about her child

The only one I use is 'that doesn't work for me'.
I also use it the other way round when asking someone for something , eg, ' what do you think? Does that work for you?'

I have taught my adult ds2 ' that doesn't work for me' as he is a people pleaser and people put on him for favours. He is a mechanic and pub 'friends' want him to look at their cars for free. That phrase has made his life a lot easier.

Everything is is a bit rubbish. Where do you next if you ask someone if they meant to be do rude and they say yes. It just escalates an issue.

I hate the phrases,
Get your ducks in a row
In the trenches.
*I could scream every time one is used here.
So I would never use them, anywhere.
They are very old phrases, I remember my nan saying them and im 60!

I’ve used ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ quite a few times at work and it usually gets a chuckle from whoever I say it to!
This is very old and comes from an old polish saying! I remember my dad's Polish aunty saying it in frustration when I was a child ( but in Polish) and me and my siblings didn't have a clue what she was on a out. When we heard the translation , we were none the wiser because we wondered what monkeys she was going on about.

I always imagine ‘that doesn’t work for me’ would go down like a led balloon unless you’re using it with a near stranger.

I have taught my adult ds2 ' that doesn't work for me' as he is a people pleaser and people put on him for favours. He is a mechanic and pub 'friends' want him to look at their cars for free. That phrase has made his life a lot easier.

I'd have thought the 'friends' would just say things like "It doesn't work for me either, mate - that's why I want you to look at it!".
I can see TDWFM being useful on some occasions but it doesn’t really make sense after someone has asked you to do something for free that you're normally paid for.

I think it depends on the tone. I can envisage using it without sounding rude.

Similar with the one I used - "it's an invitation, not a summons", could sound really pompous and matronly, but depends on the delivery

I'd have thought the 'friends' would just say things like "It doesn't work for me either, mate - that's why I want you to look at it!".
No, it not always what you say, its the way you say it as well. I have given him a few sentences to put on the end of the 'doesn't work foe me' and it works.
He now picks and chooses who he helps and is mentally healthier for it.
I've also told him not to be upset about not doing favours for the bar fly CFs that he hardly knows and wouldn't fo anything back for him.

Dh/DD/DM etc don't come from MN. I was using them on message boards before MN started.

We didn't get the regular complaints that either people didn't understand or they thought they were twee either. People joined, worked out what they meant and used them. Only one that occasionally needed explanation was ds= son or sister

What is DFOD?

I did say ‘did you mean to be so rude?’ once, about 10 years ago.

I stand by it. It was to someone I worked with who had form for being ‘I say it as I see it!’. She (obviously without being asked for her opinion), commented on my appearance and told me my lipstick was awful.

She spluttered and apologised.

ODFOD = Oh do fuck off dear

I have given him a few sentences to put on the end of the 'doesn't work foe me' and it works.

That makes more sense.
I couldn't see it sensibly being used as a standalone phrase in that situation.

I've always said this.

When most people are being rude it is because they mean to be.

And even if they didn't, a limp lettuce 'come back' like that is jut embarrassing.

I am itching to deploy “did you mean to be so rude” but on the few occasions I’ve had the chance, I’ve never been together enough to do it!

I have. Twice.

The first one looked at me appalled, jaw slack, so I pointed out she doesn't HAVE to put up with his constant conspiracy theories, or waking their children in the night because (insert insane reason here), nor did she need to pander to his latest health fad or fund his part time working lifestyle when he doesn't then lift a finger in the family home and a host of other shite he had been up to.

It was like a penny dropped because she was being 'given permission' to not tolerate it. She threw him out 8 weeks later. I like to think I helped. 😂

I did the same more recently with another friend who is in the trenches with her utterly useless husband - yet another conspiracy theory ridden man, who hasn't worked in 18 years, who claims to have autism, terriblely crippling anxiety etc but who is also sitting around smoking cannabis all day (and is happy enough to go off and meet his dealer all the time) and refuses to claim anything in benefits for the household because he doesn't want the government to know where he is. 🙄 My mate has an inoperable brain tumour and still works, raises their kids and is a fucking warrior woman. She's not ready to make the leap yet, but it'll come I'm sure. She has the support of many women who will help her throw him out when she's there.

I don't think that's the point. It's people who are doing something that is rude, but is hidden in a veneer of something else, that the phrase works for.
More generally, I think some of these phrases are great - even if never spoken, the fact they are in our heads can have positive effects - feeling liberated to view other people's problems as their problems, to say "no" instead of yes, to let us feel anger that goes against how women are "supposed" to behave.

Thank you @BrownandBlueCarpet for making me laugh out loud !
This thread has made me smile - and I have used some phrases from here out loud and several in my head!!
As a people pleaser who is the daughter of a people pleaser, thinking about how to say ‘No’ has truly been enlightening and I am enjoying the opportunity to do things I am choosing instead!
My whole family are using ‘Not my circus…’ which probably did not originate here I know but my use of it has increased owing to MN!
I also cite MN (usually in jest) - as in ‘MN would say LTB/Get your ducks in a row/ grey rock and my own favourite- if it looks like a duck and quacks like a duck, it’s a duck’ 😉

This was going around SM not long ago, so she could have got it from there.
I sent it to my DD (28), who is planning a remortgage.
The useful thing I've got from here, is acting confused, when something sexist etc is said, particularly in the workplace when you can't be offensive back. Tell them you don't understand and ask them to explain it. It shows them up to be the twat they are. I passed that on to my middle DD, working in retail at the time.

I just think that if someone has to ask Mumsnet for 'witty put downs' or 'come backs' because they don't come naturally, they probably shouldn't try to get themselves into a 'witty argument' because they're likely to get slaughtered once their limited arsenal is empty.

People can normally tell when someone is using a come back they've had to practise, as the delivery can just sound so unnatural.

I know people often say this, but I honestly did nearly spit my coffee out at this. I took a mouthful at the completely wrong moment!

Yeah, I imagine it said abruptly and with derision. But that’s the blanket tone MN gives for everything, lol.