Have you used classic Mumsnet phrases in real life, and did they work?

[ForRealViper]

After years on MN I've read my fair share of stories and advice, and it's made me wonder:

Have you ever deployed a classic MumsNet conversational cue in real life? Have you ever asked someone if they "meant to sound so rude"? Have you ever deliberately attempted a "tinkly laugh"? Have you ever tried to deploy a "devastating comeback" that you remembered from a thread?

Did it work? What happened?

Some of my standbys (not from Mumsnet)

Im going to veto that

Ive never thought of doing that commercially but if I decide to Ill let you have a price

That doesnt work for me so Ill say no.

I used 'that doesn't work for me' when a parent asked to car share but to drop off their PFB would have been longer than the journey to the place thus saving us zero time or petrol over the 2 weeks.

She now car shares with someone else who I know is also inconvenienced by the arrangement but that's not my circus not my monkeys (which I have also used in real life)

Not your circus, not your monkey is the only MN phrase that have used. I think if I attempted a head tilt, a tinkly laugh and a Paddington hard stare, people would think I had lost the plot.

Actually come to think of it I use the Dragons' Den "I'm out" sometimes - usually when I've been added to a WhatsApp chat for something and I can't/don't want to go 😂

Oh yes, “that doesn’t work for me” is a game changer. I do often follow up with an alternative suggestion.
Stealth boast, not my circus are long familiar phrases to me.

I also reference the “someone else’s problem” invisibility shield from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy quite a lot.

What's the right answer supposed to be, anyway?

'Yes' seems honest, if you did.

And 'no' is honest if you didn't. But so what? Then what?

'Did you mean to be so rude?'

'No.'

'Well, you were.'

'Kinda depends how you interpret it, I suppose. If you took it that way, then that's a way it could be taken. But, no, that wasn't the intention. Does that help?'

Are these actually "Mumsnet phrases"?

Wiktionary says "Not my circus, not my monkeys" comes from Poland, and QuoteInvestigator says "No is a complete sentence" was first spotted in 1958.

There are some initialisms (LTB, DH, STBXH, etc.) that originate here AFAIK though.

"No that doesn't work for me" is one i have used a few times. It is clear and polite without being fluffed up with a "sorry but".

I do tell my husband Use Your Words when he is being passive aggressive and I'm supposed to guess why he is annoyed with me.

I don't know how to do a tinkly laugh and I don't think I could bring myself to say something "boils my piss" out loud.

I deployed ‘no is a complete sentence’.

”Hi Benten would you like to come for lunch at my place tomororow”
”No”
🫤

Mumsnet phrases are so useful when giving good advice to friends and making sure social interactions flow seamlessly.

Some examples I have been able to usefully apply to real life situations:

"LTB" to my friend Alison whose husband went to the pub instead of putting the children to bed when she had a headache.

"Have you always had such low self-esteem?" After Alison let her husband back in the house when he returned from the pub.

"That should be a "relationships" discussion, it's nothing to do with being unreasonable," when Laura starts banging on about her fat, boring husband.

"Didn't someone bring this up last week?" Whenever one of the women at the village coffee morning starts a conversation that sounds vaguely familiar.

"Wasn't it you who said in a previous discussion that your mother was cruel and controlling?" While offering condolences to Tania at her mother's funeral.

I tend to spend a lot of time on Mumsnet these days, finding new ways to be an arsehole. It's just as well really, because I have been shunned by the coffee group, the WI and my yoga class...

Grammar police siren.

Anyone saying No is a complete sentence to me will pdq find his/her arse handed over on a plate. I don't disagree with the sentiment at all, but it is a standalone word, a phrase at a push. But there is no finite verb so there is no sentence.

Great thread!

As you're a fan of pedantry, I will point out that "No" is a complete minor sentence, and a minor sentence is a type of sentence.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sentence_(linguistics)#Major_and_minor_sentences

@moderate.

Everyday's a schooldays here. You're a star!

I use ODFOD as well as 'clutches pearls' but no idea if that came from Mumsnet or not?

I have been known to use Wankbadger, Fuckface, and fuck off to the far side of fuck and keep going, on occasion too.

I sometimes ask my best mate if I am being unreasonable when having a moan about DH or work.

Exactly - MN comebacks seem to exist in an imagined universe where the recipient is stunned into silence and then... vanishes in a puff of smoke, perhaps?

In reality, most of these "showstopping" putdowns and comebacks would lead to an awkward, tense and drawn-out exchange, which would sour people's memories for years.

Not quite deploying the phrases (because I’m not a ‘wet lettuce’; I’ve been enjoying that one 😂) but I often find myself advising friends to ‘grey rock’ someone difficult, that ‘comparison is the thief of joy’, that a situation has been ‘death by a thousand cuts’, and other great little wise snippets I’ve picked up!

😂😂 I do wish we had the laugh reaction - the ‘Tania’ one made me laugh out loud 🤣

No, I haven’t. I have used, and do use, ‘no’ without further explanation, but that is cultural norm for me rather than something I had to consciously learn.

I find Mumsnet to be quite the eye opener when it comes to the amount of people that struggle with saying no to doing something they don’t want to do.

I did tell a MAGA on Facebook 'oh,do fuck off dear'.
He did 😁

I’m sitting in my office trying to perfect a tinkly laugh and my colleagues now think I’m certifiable 🤣

Yes.

I like "oh, sorry, that doesn't work for me. How about......"

I have used it a few times, and avoided feeling like I have to justify why I can't do something.

When one of my children is moaning about something inconsequential I shake my head and say 'sad times'. 😁

I’ve used ‘not my circus, not my monkeys’ quite a few times at work and it usually gets a chuckle from whoever I say it to!

I once pulled out all the stops to get some last minute merch for a colleague attending a show.

Got a snippy email whinging that it wasn't exactly the same thing she wanted (which wouldn't have arrived, and my alternative was still quite suitable). She went on for 2 paragraphs with not a single word of thanks for me getting her out of her predicament.

My reply to her started: "First of all, you're welcome"

She did at least have the grace to apologise for her previous tone.