No pinch of salt needed. I didn’t have a maid when we lived there. We had an agency cleaner a couple of times a week, which turned out to be pretty much as ethically problematic, as overall, I’d say the agency cleaner conditions were worse than those of someone living with a decent family — though ours went home to Sri Lanka and is married with children now, and DH is still FB friends with her).
And I’m sure there were families who were fair with their employees, insofar as a highly exploitative system of cheap domestic labour could ever be described as “fair”.
But when I lived in Dubai, ‘ma’am’ problems with maids were one of the main conversation topics at expat coffee mornings, or on the Dubai Expat Woman chat forum (not sure if it still exists — it was pretty much AIBU with servants and women-only public service queues).
You can imagine the potential for covert power struggles.
Lower-middle-class Brit from a semi-detached in Luton suddenly able to afford FT live-in domestic help when not used to employing staff.
Poorly-paid, often younger woman from overseas with few other employment opportunities, living inside the house of a family with unimaginably more money and opportunities than her. Many had children in their home countries they were supporting, so became very fond of the children, and sometimes that didn’t sit well with the ma’am.
I remember one woman throwing a fit because her maid kept putting her favourite (the maid’s) outfits on the children before taking them somewhere they would see other maids, to show them off, and then changing them out of them again before the mother came home. Various folk beliefs from their home countries they continued to obey, despite being told not to, like putting a thread on the baby’s forehead if it got hiccups, or there was some Filipino taboo about ironing having to be done after everything else, so a maid was refuse to iron first thing etc etc.
Lots of paranoia about the ‘maid mafia’ gossiping about their families while walking the family dogs, and employers trying to prevent their maid walking the dog at the same time as other maids. Photos of maid trying on her employers clothes or jewellery. Having her boyfriend round when employers out. And yes, in some cases, an employer feeling the maid was targeting her husband with extra attentions, making food he liked, ironing his favourite shirt etc etc. Added to all the complaints Mners have about their cleaners.
It was sometimes a real hot mess. Again, it’s a while since we lived there, so my information may be somewhat outdated, but the small, covert power struggles between a poor person living in her comparatively rich employers’ house probably haven’t.