Boss’s wife said she doesn’t like me because I’m “beautiful”

[TheFirmStork]

I’m in my early 30s, educated and work as a PA to a very senior man. I’m good at my job and earn well.

At a recent work function I met his wife properly for the first time. During a conversation she said she doesn’t like me because I’m beautiful and that she feels her husband spends more time with me than he does with her. She also said I’m getting all the “good bits” of him while she gets the “crappy bits”.

I was honestly quite taken aback by that. I’ve always been completely professional and my relationship with him is strictly work-related.

AIBU to think that was an odd and uncomfortable thing for her to say?

She shouldn’t have said that to you. BUT I can understand her insecurities. They’re not your problem though. Just continue to be professional.

Yes very inappropriate remark. Was she trying to be funny? I’d try and put it out of your mind.

Yeah this is a 'her' problem. She was out of line to say this to you, and im guessing had some alcohol in her.

Maybe she was a bit drunk and fed up with him. Ignore.

I don’t think she was joking unfortunately. It was quite an awkward moment. I’m trying to just brush it off but it did catch me off guard.

He’s probably praising you to her. He may have mentionitis.

i barely know who my H’s colleagues are.

Yeah that’s weird and inappropriate. Was she drunk?

At the Christmas party in my first proper job in my early 20s I had the boss’s wife demand to know why he hadn’t told her he had a ‘supermodel’ working for him. I was definitely no model then (and I’m a fat average-looking 40-something now) but I was basically the only young woman in the office. In her case I think she was just a bit pissed and amusing herself making us both uncomfortable but I was mortified and the boss pretty much ran away from the conversation without saying anything.

I did wonder that but she didn’t seem drunk. She seemed quite serious about it which is what made it more uncomfortable. Your story sounds awkward too though! I think these situations can put everyone on the spot.

Here's my unasked for advice: Head down, focus on your job, be totally professional and do not, for one hot minute, give your boss or his wife a spare thought. I had a very similar situation, many moons ago, which turned into the boss wanting more from me. Yes, I too got the "Oh! I didn't know he had a supermodel working for him!" from his wife. Hardly. I was exhausted, underweight, prematurely aged, super stressed out, and just trying to make life work out. I was not a super model!
But anyway, the boss's wanting more was a slow burn. It happened over a two year period and I really had not clocked how inappropriately closely we'd been working. I was utterly naïve looking back. I didn't notice that I hadn't set my boundaries until they were eroded. That was a bit of a barefoot tapdance on hot coals! It's years ago. And I'm looking back with my mid-50s perspective.

Do your job, do it well, and nothing more. I would not waste any energy puzzling over your boss's wife's comments. He's suffering from mentionitis. The problem is, mentionitis can sometimes get the boss himself wondering if the grass is greener (not usually, but once in a while, it can happen. Just look after yourself).

Its either very inappropriate or an ill judged joke.

She’s jealous of & threatened by you and staking her territory. Primitive (bitch IMO) behaviour. So easy after the event & obvs you can’t bcos he’s your boss - but wld’ve been great to have turned it back on her & been like “eeeuww sorry I wldnt touch that with a barge pole” patting her on the shoulder as you stride off 🤣

AIBU to think that was an odd and uncomfortable thing for her to say?

If your eyes get any wider, your eyelashes will disappear into your hairline.

I think perhaps you read this wrong? Maybe it was an attempt to be kind and complementary?
The reason I say that, is because this is a really bizarre thing for anyone to say…especially a ‘jealous woman’. Normally they would make out you weren’t important ‘oh, DH had never mentioned you’ or ‘gosh I was expecting someone a bit younger…no offence!’. That’s jealousy. No one truly jealous is going to tell someone they are beautiful.

Maybe log it and write down any other weirdness just incase it becomes an issue further down the line. Might be nothing, but it's weird ,inappropriate behaviour. It's your livelihood, you dont need complications. Definitely log any difficult situations. Could be absolutely nothing or she could be a jealous lunatic.

When i met one of my ex husband'svfemale friends for thevfirst time, she said" oh John you didnt.tell me she was so gorgeeeeeous. Where have you been hiding her". It was such an obvious put down. I felt incredibly awkward. These types of people have problems with other women. Yoi need to protect yourself..

This is exactly the kind of occasion the Mn tinkly laugh was invented for. Throw your head back, tinkle and say ‘Oh, Brenda, you’re a hoot!’

Quality humble brag💪

Agree with PP. This is such an obvious humble brag. What is even the point in posting this? If it actually happened (and I don’t really believe it did), it has no bearing on your life professionally or personally. Your boss himself didn’t say it, neither did any of your colleagues so it’s not even really complaint worthy. Ignore it and continue working and living your life. If it didn’t happen and you’ve posted this because you need a confidence boost, ask yourself why and learn some self love.

I think it's you that needs to practice some "self love". Your insecurity is making you very judgemental.

That’s what I came in here to say. It must be so difficult for the OP to be so beautiful that it makes her bosses wives jealous and insecure. What a problem to have!

I've also had trouble with a boss's wife because he didn't tell her he attended a work function with me and she found a totally innocent photo of us together at the event with the C-list celebrity host on his phone.

Most women don't get suspicious for no reason, so my guess is your boss, like mine, has got previous form either for work affairs, indiscretions or sailing close to the wind. She may also have been trying to warn you not to fall for the version of him you see at work. But it infuriates me that women often blame other women for married men not being able to keep it in their pants. Whatever is going on with her, this is likely to have been caused by his behaviour, not the way you look.

Just keep your relationship very strictly professional and let him sort his marital issues out far away from your workplace!

Did she say that or back end of a bus?

Sounds like her sense of humour. She was maybe trying to compliment you and make you feel comfortable but it didn’t translate well.

Oh no you’ve got it wrong. If I was insecure I’d be posting a thread about my bosses wife calling me beautiful for 0 reason. Oh, wait?