Would this annoy you ? DB and SIL always bragging about hard work etc

[wouldthisannoy]

I do love my DB and SIL. But sometimes my feelings are conflicted and I don’t really know why I feel the way I do and if it’s just me and it stems from inside ME. Examples of stuff that grates on me:

SIL bigging brother up at EVERY opportunity- ‘ you know your brother, he’s just amazing. Everyone respects him. He has so many degrees, was top of his class- not everyone can handle being around someone like that without being jealous ‘…

SIL and BIL constantly complaining about how hard they work, how difficult their work is, how no one else could ‘ run a company like us ‘. And they’re just so extremely busy, it’s not worth it and they’re so stressed out by their work ( but they don’t want to leave because they have a good lifestyle because of it ). Its constant complains though about how hard it all is and how they’re trying to escape it.

Brother always talking about how fit he is, how strong he is, how he’s now able to compete with XYZ how he came first at XYZ. Brother also talks a lot about all the sacrifices he makes to be ‘ at the top ‘ how he never sleeps, works all hours etc.

they do work really hard ( so do my husband and I ) in fact, my husband and I have worse hours and a lot of stress too- but we don’t really talk or complain about it. If it’s really that bad, walk away ? Everyone makes sacrifices. Not just you. You’re not the only people who work hard. And at least they get the pay off. Lots of people work hard and have no money anyway.

I have probably not really framed this properly. It’s hard to explain it without giving away too much detail. But from what I’ve written, why does it annoy me ? Like I said, I do care about them. Sometimes they don’t do it as much. Other times it’s really constant and I just walk away feeling a bit annoyed.

the interactions just leave me feeling annoyed.

That’s quite odd behaviour. They sound really insecure.

Are they like this with everyone or are they particularly intimidated by you for some reason?

They do sound insufferable

Chuck a sausage roll at their heads and tell them to chill out 🙄🙄

Waste of a sausage roll I’d say

I would respond with sympathy and “Oh thats
so awful - sooooo stressful. Will you ever be in a better position and able to have an easier life?”

Because it does sound awful - it’s not the win they think it is.

Nobody likes big-heads, so you aren’t being unreasonable. In your shoes I would want to limit the time I spent with them.

You’re annoyed because they’re giving it the big I am. No one likes that!

It annoys you because of the inferred criticism. If you would only work a bit harder you could have all this too…. Just ignore

I don’t know if it’s that specially. We aren’t miles away in terms of finances.. they’re older than us too. But I don’t think it’s a dig in that way. Maybe it is !

This would wind me up too. Sounds like they’re insecure and really need an ego boost or they’re just plain self absorbed.

I find it quite sad to read of people who are so obsessed with money and image, they don't have any enjoyment on a day to day basis.

Working so hard you are knackered and stressed is absolutely nothing to be proud of. It actually demonstrates poor life choices.

Working 'All the hours God sends' is also not a great quality. It's bad for your health and inevitability means you are neglecting non work relationships.

They may have a goal of retiring early, or accumulating things, but the future is not guaranteed.

Sounds very draining . I would rather stick my head up an orangutans arse than listen to crap like this ( no offence to orangutans)
😅

in my experience it's people who are insecure about themselves, who are the ones that feel they need to talk your ear off about it every time they see you.

if they were confident in themselves and what they'd done, why talk about it all the time? they aren't, so that's why they do.

It really is hard work to be that fucking boring and keep your head stuffed so far up your own arse. Mike drop, walk away.

It sounds like martyrdom and maybe some insecurity? I think agreeing with them could work “oh you poor things your life sounds awful you must be so fed up “

I have a family member like this. It used to really wind me up. But I actually think it isn’t bragging as such anymore (that’s what I originally felt it was), no it just feels like they are quite insecure and it’s quite self soothing to go on about how successful he is, it’s almost like he’s reassuring himself. The rest of the family just ignore it walk off when he starts.

It’s along the lines of we all have the same 24 hours a day. They are just the type that believe that’s it’s only hard work that leads to financial gain, rather than most people work hard, only some people get the financial gain.

It is a dig at you because you could have all that if you just work harder. But do you want that? Do you want to be an insufferable wanker? Depending on your relationship with your brother I’d be tempted to either agree how hard it is and they should probably step away if it’s really that hard or just tell the story of someone who actually has it hard.

How about the ‘if you can’t handle it maybe you should stop so’? I’d never say it myself but it would be great …

The thing is, we work even harder and longer hours. And it’s not great at all and we want out as well.
but guess what, we like the money too.

so we don’t complain about it. You can’t have it both ways. If it’s that bad, you step away and size your life right down.

that’s what I have told them. You don’t have to continue. You could just live with less.

I get this and like you think you do have a choice.

I do less and I think it annoys the people who moan at me.

Have all what though?

Be boastful bores?

The best way to deal with a bragger is to ignore them. They thrive on attention, and they will lose interest if you don't react. Don't engage in their boasting, don't ask questions, and don't show any interest. Simple “okay”, “good for you” or “mhm” response should do the trick.

Oh there are LOADS of responses that would totally piss them off and might make them shut up in future:

"It's a shame you haven't found a way to manage your time better." Head tilt and sympathetic smile to go with it.

"Well you know what they say, work smarter, not harder."

"Well, hopefully it'll be worth it... Anyway, did I tell you about my poor neighbour who dropped dead last month at the age of 56? He had no health problems, went to the gym etc, lived for his work, had a great lifestyle.."

"Yes, it must be really satisfying going to bed every night knowing how much you've achieved that day." (plus massive eye-roll)

"Yes, you've achieved so much you should really write a book, have you thought of doing that? Us lesser mortals would benefit so much from reading something like that."

"Maybe you should pay for some life coaching? It doesn't sound like you're terribly happy with the way you have your life set up at the moment."

As for your brother being strong, being able to compete, fit etc, I would have fun with this. If he goes to the toilet after someone else comes back from it, say "Right, DH took 3 minutes in the toilet, I bet you can beat his time!" Like you would a toddler. If there's a tight lid on the jar, or cork in a bottle, hand it straight to your brother and say "Here you go, DBro, with your amazing strength you'll make light work of that." Make those sorts of comments ALL the time. He'll soon get the message.

"Oh that's a shame, have another biscuit. Did you see xyz on TV last night?""

I sympathise! I have similar in my own life. Having smiled politely for far longer than tolerance and blood pressure indicated was healthy, I quietly snapped. When the braggart complained they have to work nights, evenings and weekends, I offered sympathy that they must deal with an employer who makes such labour compulsory. Of course, that amount of overtime was not compulsory. I enquired about the cost of living and how high the bills must be to necessitate such labour. This was greeted, of course, with an admission the overtime is a choice and pays for luxuries. Yes, it was petty and spiteful of me but my blood pressure thanked me later.

The people who feel they must behave like this are NOT in a good place and very much are insecure. And you do not have to indulge them.