How present is your DH as a husband and a father? I’ve name changed for this as I don’t want it linked to other threads.
’D’h and I aren’t speaking at the moment. We had a blow up on Sunday evening, same old shite really.
We only have one child, DS4. Not at school yet. Nursery three days a week, I work three days a week.
This weekend
got up at 6:30 with DS both days. Did craft activity as promised him we’d do a volcano for his dinosaurs. Went to play date at his nursery friend’s house. Took him out to tea on way back. He played independently with his toys when we came back and I did kitchen jobs, washing etc etc. H pleased to inform me that he’d replaced 2 LED lightbulbs and sprayed mould stuff in bathroom in our absence.
Sunday
Up at 6:30 with DS. Played during morning, then we went down to shop on his bike. Came back knackered, H still in bed as had been up at some stupid hour to watch Australian GP. Surfaced at 10:30. Straight on to computer to do his matched betting (more on that later) I did lunch for DS. Asked DH what he had planned. He said he’d take DS for a kick about (this finally happened at about 1:30, they went out to the bit of concrete outside the garages of the flats we live in and were out there for 23 minutes. Seemed to think I must have had a nice break in this time and would be enough activity for DS for the day. It wasn’t. H then asked if we should go down to the pub for afternoon as they had a jazz band on, his treat for drinks etc, and I said not really, don’t really fancy trying to keep DS amused at pub and would rather do something else. Called ungrateful and told that had spoilt the entire afternoon. I took DS to soft play and we returned three hours later to find H on sofa with a beer watching football. Kitchen still needed tidying:dishwasher loading. Stuff all over sides. Asked what he’d been doing and he shouted at me in kitchen that he was sick of my attitude and had been to get toilet paper and bin bags from shop that we were out of.
This is a typical weekend. He stays in bed until 9-10 then does all his matched betting that he says needs doing to meet financial commitments and ‘don’t I want a new oven?!’ (Our cheap crappy one stopped working) And pay for the holiday we’ve got coming up. Which is great, and I know I do only work part time currently, but it’s been literally years now of him doing this instead of engaging with DS and it’s killing me. Not so much for me as I’m happy to get on and plan stuff with DS anyway- we do days out in London (live on the outskirts) and cheap overnight stays and trips up to see my family- low cost or free mostly as obviously there’s not a lot of spare cash and what I have I spend on doing stuff with DS or buying him what he needs. I’ve taken him on caravan and centre parc holidays too- alone.
if you looked at my Instagram you’d think I was a single mum, honestly.
I see dads with their kids at soft play, or doing park run, or a football class, or trampoline, and H does absolutely none of that with DS :( about 2-3x a year he will take him on a day out to the science museum or similar.
On the occasion I’ve had to work or go out and leave DS at home with H he will usually stick on the tv or do one of his garage kick abouts.
I’ve felt really on my own with parenting since DS was a tiny baby. I adore him and adore being his mum but it’s like I’m doing it on my own. I’ve got used to just getting on with it, and stopped waiting for H to join us. I don’t have close mum friends and I’m quite a private contained person so no one to spill out anything to.
H keeps his betting money very secret but I saw a spreadsheet about a year ago- he has over £40,000. He’s constantly doing it and trying to make more though. He has the kind of job where there’s not a huge amount to do (dying industry) and no one checks up on him so he spends literally hours on it every day.
None of this is normal is it? It’s so not how I imagined it to be and I’m starting to feel so so sad about it.