To complain to school or leave it be

[Receptive1]

Child has anxiety and a number of other health issues going on - waiting for diagnoses. Managing school but barely, she’s very dysregulated after it. School have been supportive but it’s a huge school and there is little time to do 121. Today she said she ate her break in the toilet as outside felt too noisy, the school have a strict policy you can’t come inside during break or lunch. Some girls found her, reported her and a teacher came in and told her off saying it’s unhygienic to eat in the loo. Obviously yes, but my heart hurts for her as there was just no empathy shown. No one chooses to eat in a toilet, the only time people do is if they are struggling so I’m pretty livid at this response. Do I email? I feel like I all I do is email about issues and I am tired of fire fighting it all.

Maybe. Or if she struggles with loud noises like you say, she might have frozen and no one would know she’s there.

I think it’s difficult when your child is struggling and needs help, but school staff are stretched so thinly, and there are so many children who also need help.

It’s not simply a case of ‘a TA can sit with students who don’t want to be outside’ - schools have cut TA numbers and those left are supervising the playground.

The teachers will be using break time to pop to the loo / quick drink / prepare the classroom for the next lesson, they can’t be supervising children constantly 8am - 3pm.

As the playground is very small and noisy, could you and other parents work with the school to improve the environment for ALL students? If it’s just a big concrete space it will feel overwhelming.

For example, at my kids primary school the PTA fundraised for some trees and planting and built benches for the playground, this helped to create some shade and quieter spaces away from the football kids.

One parent also got some grant funding for the playground.

Playground toys / activities also helped focus the children’s energy, which the TAs on duty would supervise. Having the more energetic kids in one area doing catch or dancing or whatever meant the quieter kids got left in peace.

There are also parent volunteers who do reading with some children - this helped the TAs have more time with other children, those with SEN for example.

My DS found the noisy playground difficult too but he usually took a book or comic outside and would sit and read it on a bench with his snack. In that way he was able to ‘tune out’ the noise by focusing on his book. It’s a skill he still uses now and it helps him in busy places, for example at a train station.
Could you discuss with your DD what specifically she finds difficult about the playground?

I am glad that you have spoken to school now and have some solutions in place. As others have suggested try not to go in combative as you all need to work together.

No she doesn’t freeze, she simply
felt overwhelmed with the noise so went to the toilet and ate her snack.

I have experience of this as a parent. It started in Year 5 and my child would often eat in the bathroom for a few years. She lived. Diagnosis and medication was game changer. But she can’t wait to leave at 16. Senco mildly helpful but school not very understanding of ND generally and too stretched. Good luck OP.

What a lovely idea, I’ll mention that. Thank you. It’s essentially a square concrete
block, 90% of which is taken up with football and running and yelling. Which is great if as a child you love these things; less so if your
rest preferences are quieter surroundings before going back into busy classrooms.

It sounds like your DD is not the only one who is finding the playground difficult which is unsurprising, not all children like the running / shouting / football environment especially as the playground is just a square concrete box.

Another idea I have just remembered is a ‘reading corner’ in the playground which has some bean bags and a box of books.

Or maybe as the playground is so small, the school could look at having a classroom set aside for break and lunch with say puzzles and drawing materials for the children who want an alternative. I imagine there are quite a few children who would prefer this.

At the secondary school the library was set up exactly like this during lunch, it was a little haven for the quieter kids.

My DDs school has worked on improving their playground. It is a basic concrete playground. They have a hut which children can go in for colouring/games and more recently are using an outdoor shelter area for similar. DD remarked how a boy in her class (who is likely ND) came to sit there to read his book. (She was pleased about this, as she had helped set it up). They also section the playground so there is an area where you are not allowed to use balls/run. The PTA used funds to install a 'trim trail', but that must have been expensive.

It was mental health week a few weeks back and they did things e.g. yoga (indoors) and a dance party with bubbles (probably still pretty loud!). To be fair, this was at lunch rather than break, when there isn't much time.

DD's school has year 5 & 6 children trained as 'Playground Pals' and 'Mental Health Ambassadors'. The 2nd term is quite grand(!) but basically the roles involve organising games/activities for other children. There is staff involvement of course, so it's not time free, but works quite well. DD likes being an ambassador, as it gives her something to do. She is also an 'Eco Warrior' and have permission (and a hi-vis vest!) to go into school at break time and check each class are.using their recycling bins correctly. Again sounds a bit random, but she loves it.

That’s absolutely amazing! Your daughter sounds wonderful 🌺

What a lovely idea, I’ll take that back to the Head. He did seem genuinely keen to address the needs of children who find the traditional loud playground setting hard so hopefully something positive can come out of all this

Or maybe as the playground is so small, the school could look at having a classroom set aside for break and lunch with say puzzles and drawing materials for the children who want an alternative. I imagine there are quite a few children who would prefer this.

Won't stay a quiet area for long then!

I think if it was well managed in terms of which children would really benefit from and need this quiet space to regulate, it really would work. It is exactly what the Head was alluding to in our meeting. If you are a child who needs a quiet, reflective space there is this option (ND or not) And if you need a space to be boisterous and energetic and run off your morning’s built up energy there is the playground. It’s a super idea.,

Our school also has a reading shed and playground pals in high vis.

They also do a colouring club. And we have kids gym equipment and loads of stuff like hoops skipping ropes and dressing up stuff, barbies etc for kids who don’t want to play football. Definitely bring it up, you could help to run a fundraiser.

Plus parents are often happy to donate old toys etc

Yes and I think it is a more holistic approach - rather than asking SEN children to wear headphones for example, which singles them out as being different.

Just a few changes can make a school environment more manageable for many children, not just those with SEN.
Some children really need to burn off energy and would be bouncing off the walls if they didn’t run around; some need quiet space and an opportunity to rest to help them manage the lessons. Managing both can be done, but needs a bit of creative thinking, and helps if there’s an active PTA for fundraising, which I am aware not all schools have.

Completely agree ☺️I think the Head does too, he’s just not sure
how to make it happen. We don’t have a PTA fundraiser but we do have lots of amazing parents so I wonder if I could put a message out asking for donations for a quiet corner - an old shed someone is going to replace for spring, books, colouring things etc just short term until a longer
term classroom becomes available (he thinks maybe by summer, hopefully) thank you so much for the suggestion!

Yes you could ask the Head if they could send out an email. At our school all the toys etc is just kept in a shed. Create a poster on canva, takes a few minutes. Donate old books and a shelf for the shed. Not all children want to run around every day. You can also buy relatively cheap storage from Argos or Aldi if needed. You could probably raise enough by doing a cake sale