NC due to nature of post.
My friend and I have known each other since nursery. She has a child who has just turned 8 in the last few weeks. He has a developmental delay, is non verbal, autistic and still in nappies. He is obese- he wears large mens clothing. At that, she offered my husband a jacket last week that her son had grown out of. He has been assessed by various healthcare professionals, has ongoing input from dietitian etc and has no underlying issues causing his weight issues. It is purely down to diet and exercise levels- which are obviously managed by friend. His weight impacts on his mobility, he is very slowed as a result and can no longer get in/out a bath even with her help. Despite input from professionals, she refuses to acknowledge that this is an issue and claims it’s puppy fat.
She is also obese. Her BMI is the 50’s, she has to use a mobility scooter to get out and about on holiday. Uses a walking stick day to day. She can’t keep up with her son now at all. She has been diagnosed with hypertension and type 2 diabetes in the last few months. She is still in her 30’s.
She has very little support- her mother died when she was in her teens. Her father has no contact with her. She has no contact with her child’s father. She does have her aunt who stays nearby but her aunt cares full time for her 86 year old mother who has dementia and cannot help much. Her aunt isn’t in good health, herself either and is in her late 60’s.
Her son is increasingly aggressive and difficult to manage. The school currently have two members of staff with him at all times. I have a large family and 2 autistic children. I had offered to babysit to let her go to the doctors over Christmas when she became unwell, it was horrendous and her son smashed up one of my kitchen chairs. I genuinely don’t think I could safely look after him while I have my own baby there and my toddlers, before even factoring in my own autistic children. She has asked me to babysit this weekend to let her go to a birthday meal for a friend but I’ve had to say no and she seems upset. I do realise that day to day it must be so difficult for my friend to manage though. Social work have offered her respite care but she said she would just feel guilty using it.
We were talking today and she was upset because she had spoken to her GP earlier, for a review of her medication. She has been referred for weight management but has refused to engage. Her GP has said to her that she needs to consider the fact her son has complex needs, she doesn’t have much support and that she needs to look after herself as he needs her. She has took great offence to this and thinks she is being fatshamed. I haven’t replied to her text yet because I agree with the GP. While I understand her circumstances will affect her mood, which affects her motivation to lose weight- I do think she needs to do more to get herself well for her son’s sake. But I don’t know how to word it without upsetting her. I don’t want to lose her friendship as she is such a nice person but I do think both her weight and her little boy’s weight is getting to a point where something needs to change or the consequences will be dire. Am I just being a d*ck though ?