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Original poster

To think I caused son’s heart defect

41 replies

Bagelqueen88 · 09/03/2026 08:44

I didnt take any pre-conception vitamins with my second because we weren’t actively trying. My son was born and had a congenital heart defect which was not detected in scans. I have always worried that I did something wrong that caused it; one thing being that I didn’t take any prenatal vitamins. I’d recently managed to put this guilt to bed but I found out a few days ago that a friend is pregnant and she’s been trying for a while. She said that she’s been on prenatals for ages just in case she fell pregnant. It made me feel so guilty.
I know I can’t change anything now, but sometimes it’s hard to live with.

OP posts:
curiouscat1987 · 09/03/2026 08:45

You didnt cause it sweetheart, but im so sorry youre going through this. Please be kind to yourself

randomchap · 09/03/2026 08:45

Not your fault at all. Zero fault.

I know it's a cliche but have you considered counselling?

curiouscat1987 · 09/03/2026 08:45

You didnt cause it sweetheart, but im so sorry youre going through this. Please be kind to yourself

lastweekwasaweekago · 09/03/2026 08:49

Absolutely no you did not cause it. My brothers wife did absolutly everything by the book and has always lived a healthy lifestyle but one of their children is a very unwell child with many problems. A girl I went to school with who i used to be friends with but I am not anymore did so many drugs and drank every single weekend throughout her whole pregnancy as well as smoking and she had a healthy child with no problems. So honestly taking vitamins would have done sod all. Take some breaths and move on. You are not to blame

Octavia64 · 09/03/2026 08:49

Multivitamins do not prevent heart defects. You didn’t cause this.

Heatedrival · 09/03/2026 08:52

You absolutely didn’t cause it.

JazzHandsYeah · 09/03/2026 08:53

No you absolutely are NOT to blame here. Not in the slightest.

sesquipedalian · 09/03/2026 08:54

OP, I have twins and one of them has a heart murmur. I think it’s natural as mothers to think we’ve done something to cause it, but we really haven’t. There really are some things that just happen, are no-one’s fault, and are outside our control.

Busybeemumm · 09/03/2026 08:54

Please talk to you HV or midwife or GP as you might have pnd. Looking back now there were things I worried about which were extreme and I was diagnosed with pnd and got support. There is no way that not having vitamins caused any heart defect. Your brain is trying to find reasons and make sense of it all but it's hard for you to accept no matter what anyway says. Please get help.

XelaM · 09/03/2026 08:56

I did absolutely zero during pregnancy - in fact my ex smoked a lot of weed in the house (!) so the baby must have inhaled it all the time, yet all was fine. It's complete pot luck x

Mmmchocolatebuttons · 09/03/2026 08:56

It's absolutely not your fault.

Millions of women get pregnant without taking prenatals for months beforehand, and their babies are fine. It will just be a random thing that unfortunately happened to you.

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 09/03/2026 08:58

That feeling of guilt is understandable but wrong. Heart defects are not caused by lack of vitamins.

Some things do just happen.

RosesAndHellebores · 09/03/2026 08:59

No, you didn't cause it. DS2 had a congenital heart defect, incompatible with life. It was a planned pg and I did everything by the book. It could not have been prevented.

I was born in 1960 when far more people drank and smoked when pregnant and there were no recommendations about folic acid or other supplements. Between the ages of 5 and 18, I knew only one classmate who had a heart issue. One of DS's friends had heart issues (31/2 now).

I hope your son is able to have interventions that help and make him well. It must be a difficult time but it is not your fault. Flowers

Balloonhearts · 09/03/2026 09:02

Taking folic acid can prevent neural tube and heart defects but not always and only if the mother is actually deficient in the first place. If you were, you'd have symptoms and I really think you'd have noticed.

This wasn't your fault. It's just a freak accident, a blip of nature. Look into fetal development, what actually happens from the moment of conception and you will see just how easy it is for something to go not quite right. As long as you aren't drinking like a fish and chain smoking, it's almost never the mothers fault.

PersilPower · 09/03/2026 09:06

Speaking from personal experience, 16 years ago my daughter was born with a congenital condition (missing thyroid gland) which resulted in her being incredibly ill and in hospital for a week. We nearly lost her due to hypothermia and a lack of diagnoses since it’s a heel prick test which hadn’t happened yet. The guilt was overwhelming. thoughts about what I did wrong when her thyroid ‘should’ have developed. You will put this to bed eventually. It just takes time to rationalise and get through the shock you experienced when you found out. Be gentle with yourself and make sure you talk about it with your partner. All the best x

Moshalot · 09/03/2026 09:08

Are you including folic acid in "pre-natal vitamins"?
Not taking vitamin C or whatever won't have made any difference, but I believe (and a Google confirms) that folic acid can help prevent heart defects. It's not a guarantee that your baby won't get one though; it just reduces the incidence. Your baby most likely would have had the heart defeat even if you had taken folic acid, but there is a small chance that it could have been prevented, yes.

HOWEVER, even if that's the case, that does not mean you caused it! If you had known you were going to conceive, presumably you would have taken folic acid? If so, you aren't responsible, you were just unlucky.

If it helps, I did something once in a pregnancy (ignoring seemingly innocuous symptoms) which led to a very bad outcome. I don't know if it would have changed the outcome if I'd sought medical advice promptly or not; it could have gone either way.

My mistake was much 'worse' than yours, iyswim, and I did feel guilty for a long while. But I found time heals in a way - it just provides some perspective I suppose. It helped me to think that I didn't intentionally do anything which hurt my baby, and I knew I never would. That applies to you too. You didn't even make a mistake - you were just unlucky. Go easy on yourself.

xOlive · 09/03/2026 09:10

You didn’t cause it and couldn’t have prevented it 💔 I’m sorry you’re going through this and I hope your son gets the treatment he needs.
You’re the most perfect person in the world to your little boy, he couldn’t do without you 💛

Lindy2 · 09/03/2026 09:11

You didn't cause this. A multivitamin wouldn't have made this level of difference.

Remember, unless you have deliberately set out to do something then you're not responsible for it.

I know how you feel though. One of my DD has ADHD and has a lot of struggles. The other DD is neurotypical. I have spent time wondering if there was something I could have done better when I was pregnant or if I did something wrong. The logical part of my brain knows there isn't.

I think it's natural to feel that way sometimes. The bottom line though is that sometimes people are born with health conditions. Most people have at least 1 health issue. It just depends on who and what.

IdentityCris · 09/03/2026 09:13

Think about the fact that children are conceived in famines and don't have heart defects. This is nothing to do with what you have done.

Mwnci123 · 09/03/2026 09:15

Absolutely not your fault. I know loads of people who didn't take pre-natal vitamins, and it didn't even occur to me to take them.

Sahara123 · 09/03/2026 09:16

I spent years blaming myself for my daughter’s condition and subsequent disabilities, learning difficulties, even though I knew really that I hadn’t done anything wrong. I think it’s natural as a mother to think this as it’s our bodies that grow our babies, also I think there’s a need to blame something or someone sometimes. I was convinced it was because of lead pipes at one point, even though I don’t think we had lead pipes !
Please be kind to yourself, it really isn’t because you didn’t take vitamins. Is there someone you can talk to, a health visitor,GP, heart consultant?
30+ years later I am having counselling, and part of it is to do with my daughter’s disabilities.
I wish you lots of love

SJM1988 · 09/03/2026 09:17

You didn't cause the issues. Be kind to yourself. It is extremely hard when you think something you did caused an issue but you can not blame yourself. You didn't deliberately do something harmful.

Sometimes things happen for no reason other than they did not happen correctly. Creating a baby is such a complex things for the body to do.

3luckystars · 09/03/2026 09:19

It might seem like the only difference in the pregnancy but it wasn’t. Your children are different children that were different from the word go. Lack of Vitamins do not cause heart defects.

If the was the case then the entire 3rd world and every generation before us would have heart defects.

I do understand what you are going through and remember when I had a miscarriage I was trying to find reasons to blame myself too, crazy things, did I use the wrong cleaning products, mad stuff. I think maybe I was afraid of it happening again and needed to find a reason so I could blame that and distance myself from the uncertainty that these things just happen, which is quite frightening to accept. But it’s the truth.

Talk to someone x x

HairwEGo · 09/03/2026 09:21

Hi Op. Another heart mum here. My DC has congenital heatt defects and has had open heart surgery. I DID take pregnancy vits before concieving etc, still happend here!! I may be a bit further down the line to you, my dc is 10.but if you have a cardiology laison nurse may be worth giving them a call they can help ❤️

crowsfleet · 09/03/2026 09:26

you didn’t cause this. my sister’s daughter has a heart condition and she just gets daily medicine and it’s no problem