Why so many single Mums to multiple DC and why do they have to struggle?

[Chinsupmeloves]

Just reading so much about being a single Mum in posts. Working, having to fit in around DC, or unable to work due to childcare, why has this become so normalised?

Of course, relationships don't work work out but being a Dad should be accountable and responsible?

I just can't get my head around it all!

So, a woman who has 3 DC from 3 different Dads should be able to have them involved, in the least case financially through CSA?

While many well indeed be this circumstance of not knowing/naming Father, absolutely everyone I know as a single Mum does have financial contributions and have partners at home but don't declare it.

So it does make me feel sad when I read about being a single Mum but unfortunately I'm not inclined to believe it.

Being a true single parent is of course so difficult, but dig into the background a bit more and it's not always the case.

My DB pays cash in hand, as requested by ex, to allow him to see his child, so she can state she's a single Mum. He looks after DC half the week and pays for school uniform, everything really. She is volatile and will immediately stop contact if not on her terms which would take a long time in expensive solicitors' fees etc.

There is a whole different side to those who say they are single Mums.

🙄🙄🙄

Unfortunately the cases like your DBs are few and far between in comparison with the number of genuinely shit dads who contribute hardly anything to their kids whether in time or money. And the CSA is toothless.

(Also I bet your DB’s ex would tell a different story)

Cool story bro.

Reported for being goady.

It’s much better than it used to be. Don’t you remember when men used to just disappear and that was fine? At least now you have CSA and divorce courts focused on a fair split

Doubt your 'story' is real, piss off.

.

Your brother is leaving his child with someone so volatile? Did he call SS? Has he been to court?

Gosh, it's almost like these men have an exact script and a queue of naive people willing to believe him.

Really?

I am one of the lucky single mothers with a dad who wants the kids every other weekend and contributes something financially every month (doesn’t even cover half childcare)

But I do every single school drop off and pick up around my full time stressful job, I scrabble around when they’re sick and can’t go in, I do all life admin and school admin and dentists and doctors and uniforms and clothes and I buy more food, need more heating, more bedrooms, more clothes and toiletries and toys etc.

When you’re still with the dad you do 50% of the parenting, when you are a single mum even with an involved dad like my situation you do 90% of the parenting.

I struggle to understand how single parents with no involvement from the dads survive and I think they have such a hard time and deserve nothing but respect.

Just because you know one person who steps up and one manipulative single mother does not entitle you to suggest that every single mother is actually having an easy ride and lying about it….!

Actually, this story mimics my Mother to be honest. Took cash off my Dad for years which was never spent on my brother or I and then tried to claim to the CSA when we were in our teens he’d never paid a penny. He took us on lovely holidays, always bought us new clothes and was the one who bought us our school uniform and paid for school trips.

she preferred to spend maintenance payments and benefits on drugs, tickets to such things like cream fields and drink.

we actually spent a lot of time with grandparents and our Dad because she wasn’t a good person.

What?

I’m a single parent, albeit my ex husband is involved with our joint children, both in terms of time and financial contribution. I’m single
and I’m a parent.

He isn’t a single parent as he has a partner.

The phrase you’re looking for, I think, is lone parent. You’re a lone parent of the child’s other parent isn’t involved.

Edit - everything about our arrangements is completely formalised and above board- court ordered maintenance paid into my bank account where it’s visible to all who need to see it - quite crucial that my bank does see it in fact! Child arrangements written down albeit not court ordered.

I have a good job which I do full time so not struggling or needing any benefits - but that doesn’t make me not a single parent!

Your brother is committing fraud or is certainly an accessory to it. (Obvs agree that this fake. No idea why I'm answering!)

Fair enough. I apologise if I've offended you or minimised your childhood experience.

I think it's my frustration that this situation was painted as the norm. It was definitely not my norm.

Absolutely not! Can you understand some Mums haven't admitted or had treatment for their mental issues? This is the case here, two DC before him, who apparently neglected paternal responsibilities but were paying 'maintenance' cash and after a while gave up. My DB didn't give up, he loves their DC and was willing to go to court so all of a sudden she agreed to being part of DC's life.

There really are some Dads who are manipulated and controlled by the Mums because knows she has the power to do it.

No abusive relationship, he worked hard and was a fantastic Dad. She said she needed to lie in, he got up early and looked after their DC.

Meanwhile, DC picked up and teeth look they've never been brushed, he shows DC how to implement dental hygiene and is told off for interfering.

Yes he's actually scared of her and her unpredictable traits. She can be hours late but if he's a few minutes late it's a drama.

I'm not a bro, I'm a Mum, asking a genuine question from feelings I have regarding my DB's situation regarding to the post.

This is just my genuine experience so why is it goady?

Surely the whole point of bring able to express a view is the whole point of freedom of speech.

Im sorry if you've personally found it be inappropriate, however it's a topic of discussion.

Please add your response as why you find it 'goady' and I will respect what you say.

It is 100 PC real sadly 😥

Exactly this, thank you for confirming there are good Dads out there who do this but the Mums don't mention it. Xx

Yes she's undiagnosed bi polar, clear to everyone, though she does function, works PT. Now he's in the situation of having DC regularly he's happy, knows DC is being looked after well by DM and they partly live with GP who is amazing.

CMS doesn't count towards benefits. Definite BS

Please reread that this wasn't for real single Mums who feel the pressure of working and juggling DC.

The point was why have women have had to be become single parents and shame on the Dads who don't take responsibility.

However, as I said, IME, the Dads are there but not acknowledged.

Really? He will have no idea of this as just does it. Surely the one committing fraud is the Mum demanding this so he can see DC as a threat? Of course all dialogue so no trace for evidence.

Yes it is so please no need to say PO!

We know this and told her a bank payment into her account won't make a difference to her benefits! Yet she wants it be to secret because apparently she likes to boast she's a SM with no help from Dad.

No BS, this is what it is amd my DB has accepted it rather than going through the court proceedings.

He's happy leaving his dc with a volatile mother who is undiagnosed and therefore unmedicated, and also having them living at another house?

Surely it would be better for them if he had them full time?

Who's looking at her bank account? Guarantee it's no one who'll give her sympathy, if that's what she's after

This.