Why so many single Mums to multiple DC and why do they have to struggle?

[Chinsupmeloves]

Just reading so much about being a single Mum in posts. Working, having to fit in around DC, or unable to work due to childcare, why has this become so normalised?

Of course, relationships don't work work out but being a Dad should be accountable and responsible?

I just can't get my head around it all!

So, a woman who has 3 DC from 3 different Dads should be able to have them involved, in the least case financially through CSA?

While many well indeed be this circumstance of not knowing/naming Father, absolutely everyone I know as a single Mum does have financial contributions and have partners at home but don't declare it.

So it does make me feel sad when I read about being a single Mum but unfortunately I'm not inclined to believe it.

Being a true single parent is of course so difficult, but dig into the background a bit more and it's not always the case.

My DB pays cash in hand, as requested by ex, to allow him to see his child, so she can state she's a single Mum. He looks after DC half the week and pays for school uniform, everything really. She is volatile and will immediately stop contact if not on her terms which would take a long time in expensive solicitors' fees etc.

There is a whole different side to those who say they are single Mums.

ODFOD with your ridiculous stereotypes, assumptions and faux naivety.

Just to correct you

• few single parents have 3 children to 3 fathers
• child maintenance is not means tested and does not need to be paid in cash to avoid detection by the benefits agencies
• single mums can define themselves as suits them. Just because dad pays maintenance and turns up for contact does not make you any less single when managing the daily grind of parenting
• we can spend our money on whatever we choose including vodka, nights out, and nail extensions. What business is it of yours?
• the majority of single parents work
• having a mental health problem as a single mum is absolutely obligatory. Always a queue of women behind a dad happy to diagnose an ex, despite their lack of psychiatric training. Same dads always happy to leave their children in the care of the mentally ill.

Seriously, have a word with yourself. It's embarrassing.

Your brothers ex is doing nothing wrong as child support is not counted towards benefits anyway.

I am a single mum, I had my first child at 16, unplanned but I didn’t want an abortion. I took a year out then did A levels and got a degree. I’ve been working for 25yrs, been promoted multiple times and now a higher rate tax payer. Not earning the infamous 100k often declared on here, but i’m doing well and just bought a new build. No benefits but I did claim benefits when I was a teen mum, but i’ve paid more tax than many people have, and that’s what benefits are there for.

There’s plenty more people i’d come for first before single mums. Go after the men who father these children and walk away, often hiding their income behind their own businesses so nothing the CMS can do. The fathers who don’t see their children or even know when their bday is. Your post is ignorant.

So you start with dead-beat dads. Something almost certainly guaranteed to gain traction on MN. You go on to say that numbers of single mothers is increasing - hinting at morale failing. How very reform of you, darling.

Now, every single mum you know has a partner at home and isn’t declaring them. Obviously. Having a partner at home that isn’t the kid’s dad means fuck all. If a woman grows up with a useless dad, she’s more likely to pick a useless partner and be stuck in a series of bad relationships. You mention women with 3 kids to 3 different dads - not how many dads impregnate women and fuck off. Despite this post starting out as calling dead beat dads.

Then your brother is the shining knight we all need. He’s giving her all this money so she can say she’s a single mum (what benefit does she get to saying she’s a single mum? Are you ignoring the huge stigma that can still carry? Do you think people are rallying round to help her because she’s a single mum and that’s not fair? They aren’t by the way). He’s leaving his kid with a woman who is volatile but not a deadbeat. He’s not doing anything to try and change the situation for his kid but he’s not a deadbeat. The unsaid message is that maybe the men aren’t deadbeats and it’s the women that are the problem.

In your response you pull out the freedom of speech card - chef’s kiss, nobody with bad intentions ever uses the term freedom of speech. If this was a genuine post I’d have expected it to go more like: my brother’s ex is diagnosed with bipolar, she is off her meds. My brother is an engaged parent, does 50% custody and pays maintenance to his ex and then also contributes to ongoing costs. DB is worried because his ex is increasingly volatile, he’s worried she might be off her meds. Custody agreement is 50/50, he doesn’t want to change that because ex is a great mum. I don’t know how to help him.

Im sorry that your brother is being manipulated but your brother’s situation isn’t the norm that you think it is. The vast majority of single mothers I know are like myself, women who have had no or little financial support (ex only paid maintenance for two years of DD’s 18 years) and are physically absent. Ex of course is the victim, not being allowed to see his daughter, actually he is twice the victim as his second child was also born to a woman who has also made it difficult for him to be a parent, such bad luck.

What do you want OP, a classification? That single parents wear a lanyard?

So your db's ex is a neglectful parent and your brother's response is to get his mother to look after the dc he had with this woman when she was clearly already unstable and had other dc whose fathers weren't on the scene as they had 'given up'. He is also happy for the dc to be partially looked after by their maternal grandparents. Here's a thought, instead of whinging about 'cash in hand' child support payments, which are totally fine since they impact neither tax nor benefits, why doesn't he step up, go to court and parent his own kids who he chose to have and who seem to have had quite a rocky start in life, perhaps as a result of their mother's undiagnosed (except by people who know and dislike her) bi polar? No, it's much easier for him to let the grandparents take over while he goes around telling everyone his sob story about what a great dad he is but she's so volatile blah blah.

Parenting and single parenthood come in all shape and form on both sides.

So your brother is having troubles with his ex, and your answer to that is to come on here having a barely literate pop at single mums? Nice.

I used to be a single mum. I was widowed.

Well then your brother is being a bit of an idiot.

So you know a woman who is difficult and her ex has suffered as a result, and you therefore are assuming half of single mums are liars? Seriously???

Of course there are women like this. There are also abusive women and neglectful mothers and mentally ill mothers and drug addicts and alcoholics. Their existence doesn't mean other hard working single or lone mothers are to be tainted. Honestly I feel bad for your DB and any other man struggling with a difficult ex and custody arrangements. As i would feel bad for any man or woman in that position. Honestly, your perspective is ridiculous.