Is it acceptable to say another women is more attractive because she’s younger?

[Pluto5]

After a year and a bit of OLD after losing my husband of 20 years I’ve had enough. I’ve met one full on narc, one womaniser, one very socially introverted and the other still in love with his ex. Plus not to mention about 50 more that have wasted my time texting just to fizzle.

so I went on Chat GPT and it told me to detox from all men for minimum of 6 weeks. Block all ex’s and dating apps. Apps had been deleted since October anyway. I’d just started and an American man added me as a friend on Instagram he’s 32 I’m 41. We’d been commenting on the same post. He described himself as very chilled out and nonchalant. Texts every day for a month but at times it’s been a bit slow or long I In-between due to time difference. Lately we started phoning each other most days, he has talked about having a fair few ex’s but has never lived with anyone, he lives with his mum and brother as rent is expensive. He’s says it’s his fault all previous relationships have ended as he didn’t prioritise the women’s needs. This was so refreshing compared to men here. If there is a pause in text time he will explain where he’s been and apologise.

he mentioned a few of his ex’s were Asian . So to cut a massive long story short, I’ve tried to end it a few times as I keep thinking logically where would-it go? I have 4 kids here 3 teenagers, I’m in my last year of nursing school. He has twice said I wish you all the best if you don’t think it will work I’m not going to convince you if your mind is made up but I’ve expressed that I think it could.

he’s also said a few times that he hopes I’m attractive to him. Plus he gushes if I say I’m starting to miss it when we don’t speak. We have a lot of jokey banter.

last night after a 3 hour phone call I said he was very cute and he said “ my looks?” I said no your personality but yes obviously I do think you’re good looking. I don't think he’s anything special I’d say a 5/6 at most but I like his personality. Then I flipped it and said “do you think I’m cute as you’ve never said”. So he phones me and said “ do I think you’re cute?” Then he said let me think about it, then he said mmmmm yes for a 41 year old but not compared to a 27 year old. I was gobsmacked, I asked what he meant and said I get loads of attention and he said yes what do men say? You’re attractive or you’re attractive for your age? He said everyone knows a women’s prime is in her 20s you can’t expect to compete. I didn’t try to compete. He said my body and long blonde hair would bump me up when I’m out that’s why I’d get attention. But he said if you looked at the face of a 24 year old and yours hers would be bette. He said if he was out with me, people would say I was attractive for my age but would say she’s 9 years older. He said if he was out with a 27 year old they would just say he was out with a 10 🤦‍♀️

every conversation is pretty much a debate. He said to me the other day that all parents have a favourite kid. When I said I don’t he said I was lying. He hasn’t got kids so he can’t know. He said from what other people have told him and what he sees he believes it’s true.

I messaged him this morning to say I was deeply offended and he said he understood and he was sorry he made me feel like that. I said that doesn’t really help to put my mind at rest. I said you could have just said I’m attractive but why the comparison and I said I just worry that he thinks I’m too old for him and every year I’d have an expiry date. He said he never said that ever but will let me think what I like.

I then left him a voice note saying I know he is a bit emotionally guarded and doesn’t like showing vunerabikity but sometimes I need reassurance especially when you’ve insulted me. I said if you message or ring me I’ll take it you want to build something still if you don’t then it’s a no. He’s had me on read for 4 hours. I’m really upset how that all turned so fast.

that was not a normal response from him was it? The more I think about it the weirder it goes. He’s also said he has no trouble cutting people off as he doesn’t feel stuff or even if he does he can still just walk away. Is this avoident behaviour? .

OP I'd also say be careful as I'm getting the impression you'd be vulnerable to romance scammers. Watch a few episodes of Catfished on youtube maybe.

You are not listening to what everyone is telling you on this thread, all you are concerned about is he doesn’t find you as attractive as a younger woman and this had left you wounded, what a load of nonsense this all is, spending hours talking to a man you have never and will never meet, and desperate for validation from him, you may as well have a relationship with your ChatGPT at least you can program it to tell you how beautiful you are if that’s what you seeking.

Somehow that's even worse.

Imagine if OP had said she'd met a bloke OLD who sent 'evidence' from social media about how attractive he was and how much female attention he got.....

You'd be better off dating ChatGPT.

Seriously, life is short - don't spaff it up the wall with this sort of thing. Get friends and hobbies!

My first thought after reading the OP was, I just could not be arsed. I felt drained just reading it. It’s no wonder I don’t even bother any more.

Good Lord OP, you're being unreasonable giving this much energy to a twat who even admitted he's shit at relationships and lives with his mum.

Your question is irrelevant to the actual issue (see above) but the answer is that youth is an advantage and most of us look better when younger; quelle surprise. However, it doesn't mean older people can't be attractive or have happy relationships. But he knows this and he's just a dickhead negger.

And you haven't met him?

I was thinking that perhaps writing to you is just a hobby for him, a wank fantasy. And seeing how nasty and insulting he can be to you, while you thank him for it. I expect he feels rather powerful. Some men really get off on that. Then I wondered if writing this is your hobby. I do not believe you are as stupid and needy as you tell us you are. But you're getting a lot of attention.

That’s a bit cringe.

Op, respectfully, he sounds like a moron. Not just because of the bizarre "you look good for your age" chat but in general. How much fun do you think it will be spending time with someone who has to contradict every statement you make?

Regarding the age thing to me it sounds like he was worried if he'd give you a proper compliment it would go to your head so he had to qualify it somehow to make sure you don't grow out of your shoes. Moron. Don't waste your time with him.

You don’t seem to appreciate just how bizarre and insulting his comments were, which is bizarre in itself. And this is despite multiple people explaining it to you. As in, you genuinely don’t get just HOW weird this all is OR that he talked to you like you were utter dog shit.

Most people would have gone WTF and blocked him immediately. You didn’t, continued to engage and are here analysing his words and focussing on entirely the wrong aspects of the interaction/situation. One has to wonder what the rest of your life and previous experiences must be like for your barometer and reactions to be so off kilter. Where is your self respect?

Literally every sentence of this is deeply odd.

I’ve come back round with this because it’s so bizarre. Obviously, he’s at fault.

But I think the way you’re approaching this is also very odd. It sounds like you’re used to be made a fuss of and that you’ve got some very clear ideas about what you look like. To be honest, all sorts of people say all the time that they look young for their age and very rarely do, it’s just you’re not gonna say to someone’s face “you don’t look like you’re in your early 30s by definition you look 41 because you are”.

Was this some sort of daydream fantasy for you that you’d run off to America with a younger man and you’re a bit annoyed because he’s popped to that?

Maybe yes and I’m not joking, literally everyone says to me I look 30 no one believes I’m 41 and no one believes I have 5 kids.

at First I was just speaking to him as it was someone different but I was realistic, then the more I spoke to him the more I liked him. I tried to pull away twice as I said it would never work but he convinced me it could. Then the fantasy started I think that I could visit him and vice versa as he suggested it.

''Maybe yes and I’m not joking, literally everyone says to me I look 30 no one believes I’m 41 and no one believes I have 5 kids.''

OP, I highly doubt you look 30 but I'm sure in your head you do.
I think you need a reality check here.

Perhaps you should be concentrating more on your 5 children than fantasising about running away with a younger man.

Not sure where I said I was running off with him but ok.

I think a lot of people are getting confused thinking I love myself. The point wasn’t to make others aware of my beauty, the point was I’m not unattractive and get a lot of attention and most people think I’m younger than my age. That’s why his comments seemed even more bizarre.

the fact that he’s now saying he obviously liked me enough to speak daily and tell me he thought it would work out should have been enough for me to know he liked me. The only reason I asked if he thought I was attractive was because he asked me a fair few times if I thought he was. Plus when I sent him photos of me most men will love them or say you look hot etc

he was Muslim so was the opposite said be didn’t watch porn which I found unbelievable and when I sent him a photo of me in a bikini he said my body was good but he didn’t think I should wear reveiling stuff as I’m training to be a nurse and they are supposed to be professional.

See I would have said “Okay, I’m going to hang up now” after he made the age comment, and that would have been the last he heard from me.

He’s just a man, there’s millions of them out there. Anyone can act like the nicest person ever when they want attention through messages. His mask slipped on a phone call.

OP, I don't know what you look like, maybe you really are a 40-something woman who hasn't visibly aged a day in 11 years and literally everyone thinks you are more than a decade younger than you are. It's possible.

I do know that whatever the truth, you are horribly insecure about it because you're giving this total bellend who admits he's shit at relationships and who lives with his mum an absolutely insane amount of headspace and if you really truly believed you look that youthful and blah blah, it wouldn't bother you because he might as well have called you a tulip or a desk lamp; it's demonstrably untrue, you know it, everyone who sees you knows it, so who gives a shit.

I actually can't believe you've managed to stay so baby faced if you get this stressed and give this much over something so inconsequential, such a pointless waste of space of a dude. It would turn me into Mrs Bates overnight.

You clearly have energy to spare, channel it into finding someone who doesn't cause this reaction in you.

WTF have I just read? I think you make the perfect couple, keeps the rest of safe from loons like you both!

he’s a negger who will bring you down to his level and make you feel insecure for eternity. The good bits at the beginning were love bombing to reel you in. He probably watches andrew Tate on YouTube

I’d just let him get on with it. Some people are (physically) attractive at any age. Some aren’t.

But, life runs deeper than good looks.

There is so much messed up thinking here that don’t even know where to start.

I think you would find therapy helpful. Actual therapy, not ChatGPT.

I am into my looks always have been, wouldn’t say vain but it is important to look good. So yes it does offend me if someone doesn’t think I’m attractive. I get not everyone will find everyone attractive but when it’s someone you are seeing I thought they are supposed to.

I can find many men attractive but the minute they open their mouth or convo doesn’t hit that attraction will go same the other way around, men I wouldn’t necessarily find attractive straight away can grow on me through banter etc. a bit like the American, I liked his personality so it made him more attractive. Well until Saturday night 😂

Actually, I’m going to give this a go, as this thread is really irritating me.

OP, no sane person answers ‘do you think I’m cute?’ by launching into a comparative ranking exercise about how a 27 year old face would beat a 41 year old face. Even if someone privately thinks younger people are generally more attractive, you simply do not say that to the person you’re flirting with. It is rude, tactless and socially bizarre. His little lecture about women being in their ‘prime’ in their twenties just makes it worse. That is the sort of thing you might hear from a terminally online incel on Reddit, not from someone attempting to charm a woman.

But your reaction to it is also very strange. You keep trying to prove that you’re attractive. The screenshots of men messaging you, the repeated references to how much attention you get, the insistence that you look younger than 41 are all desperate and completely irrelevant. The issue is not whether you are objectively attractive or whether you look young, it’s that a man you were speaking to thought it was appropriate to compare you unfavourably to hypothetical women in their twenties. You do not need to present evidence to establish that this was rude.

This is an extraordinary amount of emotional energy here for a four-week Instagram acquaintance with a man you have never met, who lives on another continent, lives with his mother, and with whom there was no realistic future. Three-hour calls, bikini photos, voice notes asking him to reassure you, sending him memes before blocking him.

The correct, emotionally healthy, rational response was to think ‘what a weird thing to say’ and disengage. Instead you’re telling us about how you look 30 and how many men are in your inbox.

Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.

This.
OP, seriously, get help.

I can't believe you've reached the grand old age of 41 and still believe that every weirdo catfishing you on social media, telling you how beautiful you are, how young you look, is telling the truth, rather than massaging your vanity and ego for opportunity.

Even more disturbing is the fact that, rather than blocking these men, you keep the screenshots to show to an equally odd man on OLD to ''prove'' to him how attractive you are!