New neighbours. AIBU?

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I’d really like to see if I’m being unreasonable about how I feel about my new neighbours.

I’ve read through lots of people’s posts and I know my neighbours are no way as bad as most but is what I’m experiencing to be expected or not?

New neighbours moved in in January above me in a maisonette flat. The previous above neighbours were 3 women, who’d I hear going out to work, coming home from work, the washing machine on and sometimes some singing and phone calls. All in all, very quiet neighbours. I would barely hear them walking around.

However, since my new neighbours have moved in, it’s clear our schedules are opposite and they sleep during the day and are up from around 2-3pm sometimes until 4am. This means when I go to bed at 9pm all I can hear until the early hours is them walking around, running (the kids), cupboard doors opening and shutting loudly, conversations, just general pottering but it’s so loud because it’s night time and everyone else is quiet and asleep.

I’ve spoken to them before and explained what I could hear (for instance, they just their 1 year whinging constantly all night which I could hear). I explained I could hear all movements, walking, talking, everything and if they could keep it down after 9pm I’d really appreciate it. I explained I didn’t want them to tiptoe about because of me but also, I get up early for work. The husband was really understanding and it was kind of ok for a week or two, still some noise but last week, they were up until 2am - 4am most nights and I’m starting to absolutely resent them.

I want to speak with them again but is this to be expected from upstairs neighbours? I know I was basically blessed with my previous neighbours but is this just the realistic noise you hear from people? Also, I know we have different schedules so I know they shouldn’t be vilified for that.

Any opinions?

yes you’re being unreasonable, people make noises and you’re on different schedules

no you’re not being unreasonable, even though you have different schedules, they should still be quieter from 9pm onwards.

Some noise should be expected but my biggest concern would be them sleeping all day and not getting up until the afternoon with children - that’s very odd to me. That aside I’d speak to them again if he was understanding the first time.

I think you are unreasonable to expect quiet from 9pm - that’s pretty early but certainly from 11pm to 7 am consideration around noise is normal .

Thank you. Yeah I completely agree. I don’t understand it but also, some families are different so I’m trying my best not to judge and get wound up.

I’ll speak with the husband again and hopefully it’ll sort itself out.

I had this problem in a housing co-opertive (not the same as a housing society as its run by the co-owners). As a young single who worked shifts I was often up til 1 am and later at weekends. Not partying or playing loud music - just general domestic things - flushing loo, taking a shower, boiling a kettle. My underneath neighbour (who was in her 70s) complained to the chair of the committee. She told him she could not go to sleep or relax until she heard me go into my bedroom. He said sorry but this is just a clash of lifestyles and Friendly has done nothing against the rules. He suggested we discuss it and try to reach some kind of compromise. However he could not intervene.

I told my neighbour that her running the washer or the hoover at 8 am woke me up when I was on a 1-9pm shift. So I suggested she postpone these jobs until after 10 am. In return I would be mindful of the noise after 10 pm. I could not promise to go to bed early. However I would be careful of opening drawers, banging cupboards or running water late at night. The response was that she liked to get her hoovering etc done early so she could go out to the shops. She liked to shop every day. Fair enough. However every time I was woken at 8am she was "punished" that night by my banging about the flat.

Eventually she learned. When she was quiet I was quiet.

Are their children not at school or nursery? Maybe not the youngest. I’d say their hours are unsociable but not a lot you can do if it’s just generally walking around.
Do they have carpets? My colleague had to put carpets down due to excessive noise .

The lady in my example had a young family above her before me. She had complained of the noise the toddler made by skipping across the floor, jumping and playing. The flat was fully carpeted. One would think that a single person would be a great improvement. She had obviously become sensitised to the least noise.

Do you know if the flat is carpeted? If not; thst could help reduce noise. Seems a very odd schedule for a family with children, do the children not go to nursery or school?

Do we live next to each other? On a serious note we’ve had new neighbours a few months ago and it’s clear they are awake until 2-3am most days and I’m not sure if it’s just because it’s night time so genuinely quieter but it sounds like they are elephants marching around and slamming cupboard doors etc.

Especially when they play music it’s so frustrating.

I get 9pm fine but 11,12,1,2 am so annoying

Why is a one year old baby crying all night long?
report them to social services this is neglect. Poor baby

Why is the baby left crying all night if they are up till 4am? Who is lookin after the baby in the day if they don’t wake till 2pm?!
this sounds like child neglect once or twice as a one off is okay, but every day?!

My neighbours are like this. During the day they’re relatively quiet but at least one of their kids runs around screaming and shouting from about 5pm until at least 3am. He’s not a baby or even a toddler. We have no justification for calling social services because we’ve yet to see any evidence that the kids are anything other than clean, healthy, well dressed and provided for and we do see them get taken to school etc, playing happily in the garden, lots of toys etc. But we have absolutely no idea what the deal is with them running around yelling all night.

Also, re carpets, it may be a requirement of the lease that floors are carpeted so, if there are no carpets, they may be in breach of the lease. You could mention this to the freeholder or, if they rent, to their landlord (who would also be in breach of the lease).
I also agree with PPs that does not sound right that young children are frequently up until the small hours; Input from social services might be a good idea.

Maisonettes with poor sound proofing are not made for more than one family to live in. Having been on the ground floor of one in the past, the noise from upstairs was horrific and really, all it was were simple living noises.

Their lifestyle is different to yours, neither of you are unreasonable - you’ve just both ended up in unfortunate circumstances

Why would social services be needed for people whose body clocks are different? Are there rules and regulations on what time people must go to bed?

I am extremely sound sensitive. I recommend loop earplugs. Maybe unhelpful if you have a small child who needs to be able to wake you up in the night but otherwise a godsend.

If social housing I think it's written in most contracts that have to have carpets in flats. Any way of finding out?
You have my sympathies though, I live next door to someone who is incredibly noisy.

I suppose if the children are school age, it can be a sign of a dysfunctional home life to have them up all night? Certainly wouldn't help their schooling and behaviour.

Is the baby up every night crying or is that an example of noise you’ve heard once or twice?

It sounds awful for you, but ultimately I suspect falls within the realms of household noise for a family with a young child. We went on holiday with friends recently and I realised that they must be fairly annoying neighbours at home - but there’s very little they can do about it. Their eighteen-month-old is a very poor sleeper, so up all night whining and crying, friends clearly try their best to keep the noise down but they can’t make him sleep and he’s too young to be kept quiet; and they’re both at their wits’ ends, exhausted, and a couple of their whispered 3am bickers did become somewhat louder than whispered a couple of times.

If they were receptive and did make an effort when you spoke with them, they clearly aren’t shitty neighbours, and it may just be a case of riding things out until their children are a bit older and they can manage nights better. A white noise machine might help with your sleep.

The child is only 1 years old so is at home all day and unfortunately they don’t have carpets. They can’t afford them so it’s just the concrete floors (which I thought would hide the noise but it doesn’t).

It’s currently just gone 10pm and I can hear the baby non stop. Don’t get me wrong I don’t blame the child at all or the parents. But they’ve been asleep all day so now they’re all awake.

The flat is definitely not carpeted as they can’t afford it right now so it’s just concrete floors. Their child is only 1 years old so doesn’t go to nursery or anything but they never leave the house (maybe because they’re asleep all day)

Haha! Maybe we are because it sounds SO similar.

I’m lucky I guess they don’t play music but they did decide to give their baby a walker with wheels so I just heard the child flying across the floors all day and night.

It’s just gone 10pm and I can hear the baby whinging and the parents walking around like elephants

They said they’re sleep training the baby.

By the sounds of things (because I can literally hear everything) the baby doesn’t go to sleep until around 2am, they sleep until the afternoon and I’ve never seen the baby leave the house.

I’m trying my best not judge as I know the first years of being a mum is hard and there may be a reason the baby never goes out but they’re awake all night whilst I’m trying to sleep

When I lived in a flat a few years ago, I had new upstairs neighbours and I actually thought it was a dog running around until 3-4am most nights. I didn’t want to complain and left them to it. Later after the noise had stopped I actually found out that it was their toddler who was up all night and social services had removed the little one due to neglect. I’m not saying this is the case here, but something to be aware of. Nothing else ever gave it away that there was something wrong

If the baby has definitely never left the flat in 2 months I would contact ss or the nspcc. A welfare check is needed.

do the parents go out? It all seems very strange.