Body image issues in your 40’s

[Leopardkilt]

I’ve always had a degree of body image issues as a 90’s kid, grew up with mum doing Rosemary Connolly all the time. I went to an all girls school which didn’t help any of us with body confidence! I was quite overweight after I had kids and I’m now the top end of the healthy range.

I used to buy all the usual girls magazines back in the day (Heat mag) when they were awfully body shaming celebs and I look back on that in horror now as I thought they looked gorgeous but I still bought the magazine!

The toxic diet culture did get to me however I think when it was just celebs that were ‘body goals’ it seemed easier to feel like a ‘normal’ person in the real world.

I don’t know if it’s my algorithms so my own fault, or what it is happening, but I feel absolutely spammed by weight loss and fitness content absolutely everywhere in the past 6 months. Loads of my targetted ads are for juniper weight loss meds despite me never clicking on it or shopping there (GLP1).

Diet and exercise is also all everyone seems to talk about at work. If you buy a box of cakes in for your birthday they will now go uneaten as everyone is on a diet and people will just ask ‘did you lose weight? You are looking slim’

We booked a holiday this year and for the past few weeks I keep looking at myself and thinking I really don’t like my stomach area, shall I lose more weight? Can I get abs? Then I don’t lose any weight or get abs, and I feel miserable about it. And think all day ‘I shouldn’t really eat that’. Then I started seeing loads of tummy tuck content in my feed and said to my husband do you think I should get a tummy tuck?

I am 45, I’ve never felt under so much societal pressure to reach an unobtainable goal of being slim, but toned and strong. I went through a phase of a few months of adding ++hours of exercise to my full time working week as a parent and had a bit of a burnout through exhaustion and pressure so I have toned it down.

Trying really hard not to repeat the cycle with our own kids about body image either as I know it’s damaging.

Not really AIBU but are other women feeling under this pressure too? It’s so hard to describe but it feels like I’m 13 again at an l girls school and not doing enough

I am not using social media for a while to try to have a break

While I am actually really happy that there have been a lot of medical breakthroughs with new drugs and we understand our bodies better, with this comes a social narrative that is everywhere and I am struggling with it that’s all

@Leopardkilt appreciate this is an armchair diagnosis, but orthorexia is a term sometimes used to describe that, when the focus on health becomes obsessive to the point of being harmful. Daily training isn't healthy or sustainable, at least not to a high intensity, even professional athletes have an on season and off season, with recovery taken into account. It isn't something to compare yourself to, and avoiding her social media sounds very sensible.

Yes I agree, she’s really not in a good headspace if this is consuming her and I’ve spoken to her before to tell her to not go so hard on herself, however she’s achieved an insane level of strength and fitness from pretty much none. She can even chest press her own body weight - something I can’t do, so it’s not just the visual body stuff, I’ve been training longer and can do far less. Initially I was inspired by her journey and thinking ok wow maybe I could do that but the abs body checking thing was just too much for me personally as it’s something too close to my own insecurities. Like it was her lifting up her top and doing angles and going omg look at my abs. I get being proud of the work she’s done I just need to not look

@Leopardkilt if it's any consolation too, whilst abs do of course take work, it's also a lot about genetics. I do a sport as a hobby but train alongside athletes who compete in weight categories, so they're often talking about cutting weight, and percentages of lean mass Vs bodyfat. It's genuinely surprised me how they can often be as lean as they can go (without becoming ill) and many still don't have abs! One young woman was down to around 10% bf (very carefully supervised, and everyone including her was surprised she could get that low and still perform well, and it was for a very short term with a re-feeding plan after) and yep, no abs. Just depends where you store fat. But for many women, to get visible abs requires a bodyfat so low that your period would stop. There might look strong but that isn't a sign of a strong healthy body. Over time, their lifts would suffer too.

@Birdsongisangry yeah I know abs are body fat related, as a female you need to be lean in the stomach area. I have visible obliques and a strong core but I don’t have visible lower abs as I’ve got my body fat and loose skin in that area. While I would ideally like to drop 5kg and get a little leaner, it’s not worth my MH to achieve it. Going to the gym more isn’t going to get me any abs. I’m not genetically blessed as all exersise is really hard work 😂

@Leopardkilt when I say the woman with 10% bodyfat didn't have abs, I'm not saying she didn't have a six pack and striations. She didn't have visible abs full stop. And another would for a laugh, show us the slightly visible abs she would have at the end of a training session (dehydrated and pumped) and how they would basically disappear when she drank a big glass of water! It really isn't an indicator of hard work, its genetic lottery + hard work. The fact you have even been able to keep up a consistent exercise routine means you're ahead of most people in your fitness, be proud of that and what your body can do. And hopefully in time your friend might develop a healthier relationship with fitness as it doesn't sound like she's in the best headspace right now.