To be concerned about how new man parented his child

[JovianJester]

I've been dating a man for about a year. I have no DC. He has 4 and 3 live with him, The ones that live with him are 14, 18 and 21. He recently was talking about my moving in

He is older and I've recently started staying with him whereas before he stayed at mine. His boys don't say much but that's probably just them, his youngest is a bit mouthy towards his dad and siblings but I don't get involved as he isn't mine

I'm staying over tonight and I feel a bit uncomfortable. BF was cooking dinner and his youngest came downstairs and asked one of the other boys if they had any weed, they said no and then they had a back and forth until bf said “just give it to him” and at that point they went to his room and he must’ve got some. I tried to bring it up as yes you can’t ban a child from smoking weed but don’t encourage it by telling your elder child to give it to him? He told me not to worry about him but I am because he’s a child

WWYD?

It would be a deal breaker for me and I'd have packed my little bag and said " Goodbye".

Sorry, but no I'd be off, I couldn't be doing with that.
Yes, not my kids but our parenting styles and outlooks would be far too different.
No way would I have my kids of around the same age having weed in the house and being OK with it. Not a chance.

Yeah, I couldn’t be attracted to a man who encouraged his adult kids to give weed to a 14-year-old.

It would be enough for me to end it.

Run as fast as my legs would carry me from them all

How on you do you think moving in with this specimen is a great idea poor children

That's really bad OP. It would be a dealbreaker for me.

How have they got on with school, studies, jobs etc?

I wouldn’t be moving in.

Not only is it really not on to be allowing your 14yo to smoke weed like that, but also you shouldn’t be allowing your 14yo to badger their siblings into giving him their stuff

Sounds like the 14yo is going to be a rude, entitled adult with a weed problem and I wouldn’t want to be any part of that

Dump his sorry ass @JovianJester ! This is just one small interaction that you’ve seen,
imagine what you don’t see! Imagine what you will be seeing if you move in! This man is not parenting well! Throw him back! Throw him hard, & donut quickly - life is too short! (I’ve used way too many ! - apologies).

Edit - no idea why autocorrect went straight for donut 🍩 Should read - Do it quickly!

I think we might have different standards and expectations in life if you think this is in any way normal or some kind of dilemma you need support from internet randoms to make a decision.

@JovianJester

"His boys don't say much but that's probably just them"

That you are an unwelcome addition to their father's life is more probable?

I think you are being incredibly naïve, you ask "wwyd", honestly @JovianJester , save yourself and walk away, now.

However, if you want this relationship to continue, it'd be much better for him to stay at yours, it will be so much better for you all.

Also does he not know the damage weed does to a young person? So irresponsible!

@Arregaithel He said they're quiet boys and the older 2 do seem quiet, youngest however is mouthy. I haven't met his eldest yet as he doesn't love with him

@SecretSwirrelthe 21yo works with bf, the middle is at college and the youngest was going to school until bf suddenly pulled him out (which the boy is happy about) and he's been going to work with him too but also “homeschooling” bf said he can learn a lot more with him than at school but that's none of my business

That is nuts.

You're going to have a very complicated life if you move in with him. I would bolt now.

You’re joking right op?

He sounds great. You should probably have a couple of kids with him.

Fucking what?????? Just give it to him? He’s 14. Why you don’t think this is a serious problem is beyond me

Op, if you want to spend your free time living with an unrelated 14 year old boy who is a bit mouthy, smokes dope and doesn’t go to school, then go wild. You couldn’t pay me to do it.

And yes. You can ban a child from smoking. Christ almighty

Do you really want to live in that environment? If so, why? Honestly that would be a dealbreaker in the relationship for me, but even if stayed with him, I would not be living in the middle of that shit show.

It's idiots like your boyfriend who are making home educating more difficult for the rest of us.

His son still needs to be getting a full-time education, not being taken out to break child employment laws.

Unsurprising they're quiet if they're drug users @JovianJester

Do look at this

This is your first wake-up call for how this relationship will progress.

Use your head lovely, have a really hard and honest examination at how your life will look in the future.

It does not bode well, I do hope you can see that.

Personally I think parents who supply weed to their kids should be done for abuse. What an irresponsible man

I'm not sure if he wants a nanny with a fanny as his kids are old enough to wipe their own bottoms and put themselves to bed. I stii wouldn't move in with him, you'd get no peace.