To be concerned about how new man parented his child

[JovianJester]

I've been dating a man for about a year. I have no DC. He has 4 and 3 live with him, The ones that live with him are 14, 18 and 21. He recently was talking about my moving in

He is older and I've recently started staying with him whereas before he stayed at mine. His boys don't say much but that's probably just them, his youngest is a bit mouthy towards his dad and siblings but I don't get involved as he isn't mine

I'm staying over tonight and I feel a bit uncomfortable. BF was cooking dinner and his youngest came downstairs and asked one of the other boys if they had any weed, they said no and then they had a back and forth until bf said “just give it to him” and at that point they went to his room and he must’ve got some. I tried to bring it up as yes you can’t ban a child from smoking weed but don’t encourage it by telling your elder child to give it to him? He told me not to worry about him but I am because he’s a child

WWYD?

I think I’d rapidly lose respect for him after this. Is their mum around? If so, do the sons stay there at all?

So he’s pulled his 14 year old out of school, leaving him with no qualifications (assumption based on the inverted commas around homeschooling leading me to believe no such schooling is actually happening) and letting him become drug addicted?

Seriously OP, leave this trash.

I wouldn't personally live with an adult who smoked weed, let alone a kid. The fact he allows it and supplies it when the kid whines is even worse.

In addition, him allowing the 14yo to go to work with him and not homeschooling him - it may make his life easier, but it isn't legal.

Aside from all of that, I wouldn't want to live with 4 men if I hadn't birthed 3 of them myself. Are there any punishments/consequences when the youngest shoots his mouth? If he talks to his dad like that then it would be a matter of time before he treated you the same, or worse, if you move in.

Is his place tidy? He may want you as a live in cleaner. And a year is way too soon to move in especially when there are kids living there.

I'd end it. 1. The piss poor parenting all round of all 3 boys (yes he can't parent the older 2 now as they are adults but he did take part in raising them I assume) 2. I wouldn't be able to have people who took drugs at any age or brought drugs into the home under the same roof as me.

What a fabulous Dad. He sounds really attractive.

All this sounds nuts. And, yes, ofcourse you can (and should) ban weed for your minor child! It would be far removed from what I would find comfortable. I certainly wouldn't be moving in to this situation.

I would probably have packed my overnight bag and walked out there and then. Bloody hell!

OP, what do you mean, you can't ban a 14-year-old from smoking weed? It's illegal! You can take privileges away.

He sounds like a truly terrible parent. This little vignette would put me off him completely. Those are not my standards.

Walk, no, RUN away.