Not sure if im being too sensitive re driving instructor?

[BySnappyUmberFish]

I've failed multiple tests, years ago and I am a bit of a nervous driver. I do need someone who can give feedback constructively but is gentle and used to nervous drivers.

I started automatic a while ago but had to stop due to cost. I've restarted in manual, on my first lesson I was struggling with gears a lot and he said 'never met anyone as clumsy as you!

I don't like his tone sometimes, he is very blunt, tough love sort of persona. Whilst I can take criticism, my previous instructor had a gentler approach as I said.
I am maybe being too sensitive, he is there to teach but some lessons I never hear what went well. He will say 'you saw that and you just did nothing'. Then a second later will tell me to 'chill!'. The thing is I am just trying to focus on my driving and him just saying 'chill' every second isn't helping. I've had around 12 lessons but he will still tell me how to turn left etc. Even though I thought I had mastered it by now? I understand it's his job but I feel every element is micro managed.

What does your family think?

Weird question

They said everyone has a different learning style and it's up to me.

Then can you just get a new driving instructor?

Sounds like he’s not a good fit for you.

Try and find someone by recommendation and who specialises in nervous drivers.

I went through 3 driving instructors before I found a good one.
DI1 - weird perv, would draw diagrams and then add stick people on the pavements and draw willies and boobs on them.
DI2 - decided to go with a female due to DI1, she was a psychopath - would scream and shout, insult me and would then get me to drive around one way road systems whilst she sent abusive text messages to her other driving students. When I quit, I became her texting victim
DI3 - lively normal man. Good job really as I would have given up if he turned out to be weird too.

Due to my horrendous experience with DI2 I would NEVER recommend a female instructor to anyone.

Could you not go back to the calm instructor you had previously? Also are you practising in between lessons with family? That’s a huge help if at all possible.

Due to my horrendous experience with DI2 I would NEVER recommend a female instructor to anyone

Of my four instructors, it was the woman who was the best.

Is there a reason you're learning in a manual and not automatic? Manuals take more thought and coordination - changing up and down through gears, being in the correct gear for cornering etc.

Maybe for your next lesson ask him if you can try driving without his directions. By that I mean he tells you where to go, but not how to drive unless you are unsafe. Then he can give you feedback either part way through or at the end.

How much driving do you do outside of lessons? That's really important for progression.

That's sad, in 32 years as an ADI I Never ONCE shouted at a student 😢. OP it's totally unacceptable the way your instructor is talking to you and it doesn't sound like a good match for you. Sarcasm and unconstructive comments will not help you. Find someone who can build you up. Good luck

Learning to drive well is tough and I sympathise but you come across as someone who doesn’t like to be told. You may think you „mastered“ a skill but an outsider may perceive you as sub par. Are you dyspraxic or finding it hard to coordinate yourself? There isn’t anything wrong with that but maybe an automatic would be easier for you.

If this instructor isn’t for you then I‘d shop around and ask for recommendations for someone who specialises in nervous drivers but please do everyone a favour (including yourself) and drop the attitude of thinking you’re doing well when an actual instructor thinks you’re not.

Ok fair enough, you haven't understood my post. I've clearly said im happy with constructive feedback, Im not happy with tjis instructors approach, there's a difference.
There's no 'attitude', anyway don't know why I'm even replying to this.

Honestly I'd say stick with automatic! I'm so uncoordinated and just passed forst time in an automatic. I thought I'd never get there to be honest, my instructor sometimes made me feel shitty and I very nearly quit, but after maybe 20 hours I kind of realised it was just his personality and things were being said in banter and I was being a bit touchy because I was hating driving so much and had no self confidence. I'd really suggest going back to auto, it's so much less to think about in the car and you can focus on the road and what's going on outside the car better

Female instructor here, frequently recommended from one student to the next because I’m pleasant to people 😁

I’ve voted YANBU, it’s our job to be sensitive to what works and what doesn’t. One of my learners would love me to draw willies and boobs on stick diagrams but he’s not having it because it’s totally against DVSA rules. Some would be embarrassed and appalled. It’s my job to be sensitive to all and adapt my style to their needs.

Always remember you are the paying customer and we are equal partners in your endeavour to get a licence. There needs to be trust, rapport and open communication for you to learn best. It’s two way, adult chats about how to learn best.

So if you don’t like something tell him. If he doesn’t like it find someone who can adapt their teaching style, it’s what we’re literally tested on, we should be able to do it.

Definitely find a. New instructor. He’ll ruin your confidence.

He really doesn't sound like the right fit for you. Id find a new instructor.

@BySnappyUmberFish change your instructor.

You absolutely need someone to encourage you.

Lessons are so expensive, vote with your cash, there are so many driving schools needing your business.

You do not have to accept some numpty who has zero people skills, find someone who would suit you better.

eta; if you're in the UK learning in a manual car gives you the option to drive either/or when you pass your test, which you will. Good luck.

Definitely find a new instructor. I started learning with a shouter and dreaded driving lessons. I was progressing really slowly. I switched to another guy and it was like night and day. I spent the whole time in stitches as he was hilarious and really relaxed. I was a bit sad when I passed and didn’t have the sessions any more!

Male driving instructors 🙄
I’m sure there’s plenty of good ones out there. I just haven’t experienced it.

Find another manual instructor, there's no shortage.

Get another instructor and go automatic again.

You have one bad experience with a female and have decided that’s enough to say you would never recommend a female driving instructor yet you’re happy for a male to be a “perv” and not comment on all male instructors?
I’m assuming you’re a woman -could be wrong of course- but how depressing that this attitude comes from a fellow female. As if we don’t have it bad enough.

Sorry OP, don’t wish to derail! I think you need to find a new instructor. You don’t seem like a good match and if you’re already nervous, the last thing you need is anything adding to your anxiety when you should be building your confidence up. You’ll get there!

I had an instructor like that but he was upfront about it. Said that when I took the test I would be more relaxed as the instructor would be like a teddy bear.

he was brilliant and right. Passed first time after 3 months. I was also a nervous driver but it’s made me a far better driver now. I still miss him

I do feel that profession attracts men who enjoy belittling women. He’s a twat who clearly has self esteem issues. Sack him, get a new one and leave a bad review, how dare he treat a paying customer this way. Misogynistic cock womble

There’s nothing wrong with finding something that works for you. I also don’t know why you’re doing manual - just stick to building confidence in one thing first. There are many styles of driving instructor and this approach doesn’t work for you so just move on