No, just fuck off!

[McSteamyorMcdreamy]

DH is an alcoholic. A reasonably functioning alcoholic, but an alcoholic none the less.

He knows it, yet refuses to do anything about it. Your typical narcissistic, selfish alcoholic.

I've been reading a lot about how to live/deal with an alcoholic and I keep coming up against the same thing: "It's because they are traumatised so be thoughtful, supportive etc"

I've literally just read a blog on a well known private detox place and all I could think was you self indulgent, narcissistic prick.

DH has been through trauma, yet he consistently refuses to do anything about it despite years of support. He cried the other day because apparently 2 years ago I character assassinated him and he's never got over it. Did I? Yes. Because I was sick to the fucking back teeth of everyone fucking pandering to him.

Fuck off. Sort your fucking shit out and stop blaming everyone. Take responsibility for your recovery.

Am I being really harsh? Or is it just years of gaslighting that's making me feel guilty?!

Apologies for the rant!

It doesn't sound like you like or want to support him OP so not sure why you are with him?

If he has gone through trauma then that's quite significant and healing from that should be a focus.

I voted YABU for the simple reason that you're still with him. Why keep banging your head against a brick wall? Leave, already. Or, certainly make plans to leave.

I don’t have much sympathies for alchoholics, it’s largely a lifestyle choice and it’s often their families that suffer more than they do from the effects of her drinking.
Its very hard to leave an alcoholic if you have children, however much you despise them and their behaviour, because you know at some point, that the alcoholic waster will have your kids unsupervised, meaning that at best they are mildly neglected or at worst they are being driven about by a pissed up parent or the house burns down and the pissed up parent is not in a fit state to get your children out of it.
Its not as simple as ‘just leave him’

A lot of alcoholics seem to be selfish (my dad was one). My dad apparently gave up booze for 15 years but when he divorced his third wife got back on it. I’m not saying they can’t give up but it ruined my mum’s marriage and she divorced him.