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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Older mums

54 replies

Suburbiton63 · 06/03/2026 10:17

From what age would you start classifying someone as an older mum? I know it's historically from 35 but I think that's very average now.
I'd say anything is 30s is unremarkable.
40-42 for FTM older but not majorly.
43+ older mum

OP posts:
Katiesaidthat · 06/03/2026 15:34

AlcoholicAntibiotic · 06/03/2026 12:14

My mother was classed as an “elderly primagravida” at 29! This was back in the 1970s though.

So was my mum. Had me at 29 too, in 1974. Had mine at 43. The forms just stated my age, no other comments. Have read them.

90sTrifle · 06/03/2026 16:09

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/03/2026 12:23

You’ve completely missed the point.

Any kind if stereotypes about mothers based on their age or financial circumstances are toxic.

But this poster had the gall to say older mothers are an embarrassment to their children. And you are accusing me of being vicious?

I wasn’t being vicious or ageist, I am simply seeing it from a child’s point of view. Many children do get embarrassed when their school friends accidentally say, your nan’s here to collect you, or is that your grandad?. It’s embarrassing for them that’s all.

Also, I know a couple whereby they have two teenagers and the mum has been pushing the dad around in a wheelchair since having a serious stroke at the age of 60. These teenagers have for obvious reasons had their childhood restricted in what the family are capable of doing together. It also hasn’t been nice for them to watch their parents suffering for the past decade.

My point is, as an older parent, there’s a lot to consider on behalf of an unborn child before taking the plunge to have that child. It’s just selfish otherwise.

sundayvibeswig22 · 06/03/2026 16:21

I’d say from 35ish. I had mine at 27 and my friends had theirs almost a decade later and beyond and I think that they’re much more stressed and tired with toddlers / primary age dc than I was at the same stage and they’re dealing with peri symptoms and aging parents.

Thepeopleversuswork · 06/03/2026 16:27

@90sTrifle

I wasn’t being vicious or ageist, I am simply seeing it from a child’s point of view. Many children do get embarrassed when their school friends accidentally say, your nan’s here to collect you, or is that your grandad?. It’s embarrassing for them that’s all.

But that could just as easily apply the other way around. In my social circle it was fairly unusual for people to have children under the age of 30. If a very young mum had come to the school gates to pick their kid up at my daughter's primary school some people could have thought she was an older sister. So what? Why should your entire approach to fertility be shaped by other narrow-minded people's views? Anyway we're talking about people in their 40s, not 60s.

Also, I know a couple whereby they have two teenagers and the mum has been pushing the dad around in a wheelchair since having a serious stroke at the age of 60. These teenagers have for obvious reasons had their childhood restricted in what the family are capable of doing together. It also hasn’t been nice for them to watch their parents suffering for the past decade.

But people can become seriously ill at any age. I've had friends sadly die in their 20s and 30s.

My point is, as an older parent, there’s a lot to consider on behalf of an unborn child before taking the plunge to have that child. It’s just selfish otherwise

Of course but again you can turn that argument on its head and say it's selfish to have children before you've established yourself and have a career and a source of income because they are much more likely to have less money and therefore fewer opportunities.

Both positions are ignorant and don't tell the whole truth.

And anyway, people don't always have control over their fertility. So factoring in the opinions of small-minded stickybeaks about when you had children should be very far down the list of priorities for parents.

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