To think that hen do's are getting out of control?

[UnhappyHenny]

Sister in Law has had two hens, a UK and an abroad one that is in July. She is nice enough but very demanding. There seems to be a literally never ending demand for more money in the chat...when did weddings become about this? Im about £450 down and it's not really easy to say no to these costs when people are seemingly endlessly able to pay a random £74 when asked the day before payday. SIL isn't in the fhag but she is controlling it from behind the scenes and knows what it going on in it really. I saw another request for £60 this morning has come through- that's my food budget for the week. I don't think I'll say yes to a hen do again after this but I'm wondering when this became the norm? It wasn't normal for me, I arranged a meal with close loved ones to avoid financial strain and it was lovely. If I'm honest it's made me see SIL differently as she is happy to ask this of her friends and family. Aibu?

Yabu - it's normal
Yanbu- its not normal

If people said no more then people's expectations would change, there are some brides who don't care who they marry they just want the trimmings people know this yet do nothing but go along with it

Say no

It’s absolutely ridiculous. I had a meal with 20 friends locally and some games after. Was great fun and no one was paying a fortune.

I don’t like hen dos and only went to my sisters and a friend I was bridesmaid for. Declined all other invited as I just couldn’t be bothered

MN rule 76b.
No is a complete sentence.

I’m torn on this.
i absolutely hate traditional hen dos with inflatable dicks and a pub craw or daft games etc..so I’d much rather pay for a luxury house hire for the weekend or spa etc however some costs get insane. I tend to go if i like what’s on offer and decline if its not where I’d spend my money

Why not just not have a hen do in the first place and save people money?

The fact that your friends and family live all over the place meant that some of them would've not only had to stump up the money to travel to a neutral location for your hen do, but they would then also have had to find the money for overnight accommodation for your actual wedding.

Hen night is quite traditional celebration and if you have friends all
over the country as is common these days it’s nice to meet them sometimes anyway which will always be a cost
so not having a cheap hen do seems a bit of an over reaction - and losing touch with friends because you won’t travel is sad

a get together of old friends is far better way of spending money than getting a new outfit or your har done or buying coffees every week - it’s far better for mental health than just about anything else

save one coffee a week and have 250 to spend on a meet up which just about covers a cheap weekend if you all agree to avoid the meals out and activities

being aware of other peoples situation and avoiding the none essential stuff IF necessary but still meet up FFS

Well it isn’t just hen dos, stags can be expensive too!

I live in London and did a day/night out in London for mine, and then a group of us chose to visit another friend in Spain for a long weekend as an unofficial hen do but that was a group of mates. I personally don’t want to spend money on a weekend away with people I don’t know/like.

I decline if I can’t go or don’t fancy it. Same with 40th birthday trips. I’ve been to Ibiza twice for hens/40th birthdays but I like going to Ibiza and go on holiday there myself. I pretty much automatically decline houses in the arse end of nowhere where I have to share a bed with someone I don’t know and people think it’s hilarious to get a butler in the buff. Give me yoga on the beach in Ibiza any day!

Going against the grain here but I think the best hens I’ve been on are the abroad ones and generally I’ve not spent that much more on them than a UK hen house type scenario. Beach clubs and boat days preferable to making flower crowns and not going out for me but might get flamed for that. I feel like the UK ones always tend to be heavier on the activities to try and perk it up/keep people entertained whereas abroad if you have a pool you’re sorted in the day. As long as no one feels forced to attend and everyone is up for it I don’t see the harm. They’ve kind of replaced girls holidays in my groups and I’ve come back having had a really good time. So has DH with his man friends, lots of moaning about hen dos being OTT/expensive but the stags are just the same over here (if not worse).

Ive also been the organiser for a few hens ranging from a full three days abroad, a UK weekend and a local day/night out and it is SO hard to please everyone. The stress is horrendous 🤣

Me too! I'm thrilled to have dodged this particular bullet 😂

I’d never agree to abroad. We have agreed to dsds wish to go to a spa, but it will be just one night, within an hour or so drive and zero silly matching clothes, banners or other paraphernalia. Seems to be mostly female relatives who are not standing for any silliness thankfully.

All this talk about getting together with your friends . They will be at the wedding !!❤️

Some people make a big fuss of hen dos others don't. I'm not sure why you'd think less of a person who does? You get invited to a thing and either accept it or refuse it, surely? The wise woman gets an idea of the costs before making their decision, then if they start to spiral, you point out you'd not budgeted for the Burlesque themed chocolate paint ball tasting cruise on the Mersey (with proseco), so will sit that one out.

My friends are spread all over, so I originally was not going to have a hen do because of that. My friends are the ones who encouraged me to do so. Not everyone hates being asked to spend money to celebrate their friends, a lot of people enjoy it.