Ex sharing legal documents and discussing adult issues with DC

[SlipperyGhost]

Painting himself as a victim and me as the villain. Has anyone had any experience with this?

Not a good night tonight, unfortunately my c100 form was delivered on the day my ex had the children and he’s told them everything. Saw the kids today and oldest said “amazing mother, taking me to court” 😢 Oldest then revealed that ex had shared everything with him such as word for word the separation letter I wrote, all about mediation, the cost, our finances and intimate details about our marriage and how it is all my fault. He also knew how I had planned to leave his Dad in secret, how long I had planned for and many other private matters that only ex and I know.

All I could do is reassure them about how much I love them and they don’t need to worry about any of that, just focus on being children and seeing their friends. I did say sorry for all they had been through and said they deserved better. I also told them that I did leave for a good reason and maybe when they are grown up I will tell them why.

Has anyone got any experience about exes sharing court documents and adult issues with the children to paint the other parent in a bad light? I left due to abuse and controlling behaviour. He’s now changed tactics and is focusing on the children. They are heavily aligning with him now especially the oldest. I’ve never badmouthed my ex in front of the DC and try my best to protect them from conflict but ex does his best to create as much conflict as possible.

Thanks.

I don’t have experience of the sharing of court documents as we weren’t married. But my ex over shares with my oldest as well. When we split he decided he would inform the kids without telling me that I had decided he shouldn’t live with us no more, I didnt want us to be a family, I didn’t want the kids living with their dad. He told them about the house viewings he had, even took them to some of them. Tells them he can’t afford certain things like hair cuts or trainers that fit because he gives me all his money in child support. You get the idea. My kids are now 11 and 8, I make sure to not bad mouth him to them, but I do now discuss his statements in a child friendly manner with them. He can’t afford hair cuts? Could he afford that if he didn’t buy Lego sets though? Yes. So it’s not that he can’t afford something, it’s he chooses to spent his money on something else.
A year ago I would have said my oldest is team dad, will live with him as soon as she can, but now I’m not so sure. She’s starting to see things in a different light. Hang in there, be the constant calm, don’t bad mouth but don’t defend, the children will see it one day

Thanks so much for replying, mine also makes a big deal about all the things he can’t afford now as I’ve left him, he loudly talks about how he can no longer afford this and that and gets the kids to call his new car the “crap car” etc. I try to be the bigger person and all I can hope is that my children eventually see him for who he is. I am calm and I just focus on talking to them about school and neural topics. It’s awful though and very damaging to them.

What she has written was for another adult. Not a child. Way to tell on yourself.

Way to tell on yourself? Eh?

Written where? In the c100? So it’s a good idea to share all the gory details of courts, divorce and what went wrong in a marriage with children? Is it healthy for one parent to badmouth the other parent and demonise them? Is that healthy or do they not deserve to be protected from conflict and be allowed to be children?

Ignore him, OP.

It’s actually a serious breach of court rules and it’s taken very seriously by judges.

You sound incredibly bitter!

I think you would have been justified in saying to the children, especially the oldest, in simple terms what your good reason was. "He wouldn't let me spend the money I earn"/"He hit me"/"He was unkind to me". You really don't have to protect him, or the children if they are questioning your motives.

Are you my ex? 🙈

Yay another personal insult just because I don’t tow the line on here 👍 well done

Why would I?

What to tell the kids the truth what is happening and why?

Why would you what? Sound bitter? Who knows, likely some grudge you’re holding about a woman!

Not a problem, you carry on, I’m sure it makes you feel good.

Not at all, life’s to short for all that drama

I'm just telling people not to waste time on your asinine contribs.

Pretty sure it’s blue when the sun is shining. Usually in England it’s grey and overcast.

grass is green if you are unsure?

Asinine contribs…. Off to google to understand that 👍

Ok so I should have told my kids when they were 3,5 and 11 that their dad raped me on the regular to the point of bleeding? That he held me down when I tried to fight him? That he controlled my every move? That he didn’t allow me to have access to money or contraceptives? And I should have kept telling them in great detail all their growing up years?

I really don’t think so.

The OP has posted here to ask for support, please stop derailing this thread with sniping and personal attacks, and keep on topic.