I've been pals with Ben (32) for about 6 years. Not super close but we message maybe a couple of times a week, care about how the other is doing and are objective 2nd opinions on issues with work, relationships, whatever.
He and his partner (S) married last year and they welcomed their 1st child at the beginning of January 2026.
I kept in touch with him, checking he was ok, that the baby was doing well, etc.
Whenever I spoke with him, I always asked how his wife was doing, sort of discreetly checking he was stepping up and supporting her.
We messaged yesterday and I asked how S was doing. He responded with a 2-minute voice note (don't even!) which, instead of saying S is doing well/or not, motherhood suits her/or not, she's struggling or doing amazingly or whatever - which is what I was asking - he launched straight into how great she was doing in that her body was almost back to normal and she'd almost lost all weight and was looking really good, etc.
Followed by grumbling about feeling like 'a spectator' and further grumbling about how up until now, coming home from work to the baby has been a lovely experience for him, but lately his wife is hormonal and moody and it's getting him down.
Now, I don't have children. But I have nieces, nephews, friends with children, and I'm switched on enough to have a decent understanding of how this time is for a new mum.
I also understand that a new dad needs and deserves support but... Oh my word, I was so mad with him!!
And I let him know, nicely, but in no uncertain terms.
So, was IBU?
His response was a bit snarky. Which may just have been guilt.
Should I have just kept my gob shut and been a sympathetic ear that he probably needs?
I'm his friend rather than S's.
From everything else I know, he's a good, dedicated, hands-on dad.
But it pissed me off no end that he reduced how well his wife is doing post-partum to how good her body looks, as well as a bit of a pity party about how rough he's having it.