Is this rude or not ?

[IsabellaCoral]

Situation - out for dinner and drinks with my parents.

The subject of DH’s family comes up, talking about a family wedding.

My mum says to DH that she thinks his niece’s new DH is ‘ugly’ and ‘rude’. She wonders why the niece chose this guy, and thinks it was a bad choice.

She says he is rude as when she met him once at an unrelated event, he didn’t come and say hello to her. Also mum’s friend who was at the same event, also thinks the new niece DH is ugly and rude.

When we say no, he’s actually really nice and not ugly, she repeats it.

Rude to say this to DH or just an opinion as it is ‘just a niece’ and not a close family relative.

YABU - just an opinion and OK to say to DH
Yanbu- it is rude and keep it to yourself

Your mum said that your DH's niece’s new DH is ‘ugly’ and ‘rude’.

Wow.

Your mum is the rude one. What a thing to say to someone. Has she never had the saying: "If you can't say something nice, say nothing at all"? Regardless of whether it was his niece's new husband, his work colleague or the person who delivers the post - it's a crappy, unkind thing to say about anyone. Unnecessary.

The phrase "pot / kettle" springs to mind. Your mother sounds rude and unpleasant and referring to someone as "ugly" is just horrible.

Your mother sounds rude and I suspect this maybe why he did not approach her at another event - also why was it up to him to approach her. Your mother could equally easily approached them. Your poor DH, he seems to have got a gem of a mother in law.

Very rude!

I could.probably be convinced her opinion that the man is rude is ok for her to have and even to say. Based on why she thinks he is rude, I would probably disagree with her and tell her that her expectations are quite high.

But the ugly? Beyond rude and very inappropriate whether he is the least or most attractive man on the planet.

Incredibly rude. What did your DH say?!

I mean if she thinks someone is ugly and rude I guess she's allowed to tell someone she feels that way. Though it would be rude to say it to the persons face. If you think they aren't then it's perfectly reasonable to reiterate that you think they're nice and perfectly attractive looking.

I'd say it's probably best not really to talk about the person though.

Unless you live in a commune how the heck would these two people even know each other. What's she to him , a great aunt in law?

It's safe to say he's not the rude one

Your mum expected him to come over to her and her friend at an event, does your mum think she is more relevant to him than she is?

From his point of view, your mum is his wife's uncle's wife's mum, so that's not really an in law as such. I don't think many people would make a particular effort with that many degrees of separation.

Your mum is rude to mention his appearance, it's in the eye of the beholder and all that.

It's incredibly rude to start slagging off someone's extended family members like that.

I can't believe you even have to ask on here. Your mum is not only being rude, she is incredibly ignorant and clearly very judgemental. If I was your husband I wouldn't have any more interactions with her.

Very rude in my opinion

You’re mum sounds lovely.

Very rude and completely unnecessary. Also incredibly self-centred: what makes your mum think you DH is interested in her opinion on one of his relatives.

Why can't people just keep it to themselves?

Ah yeah thanks!

I said it was rude thing to say to DH. I also asked them to not say these things to DH again, and could they recall the bad behaviour of their parents in law, and how it had upset them. I didn’t shout, I was calm and polite.

Nope they went mental. They said that me requesting that meant that basically I wasn’t family. That they wouldn’t ask me for anything ever again.

it was quite odd.

She is entitled to have her opinion but needs to zip the lip!
You were right to try and close the discussion down.

She's upset because her son in law's niece's partner didn't rush over to speak to her and her friend?

Oh my goodness - I'm so sorry that both of your parents appear to have lost the plot for the time being. Hope you're ok - you've done nothing wrong.

I mean, obviously your Mum was WAY out of order.

But how much is this out of character for her?
I can't imagine anyone in my family talking like this.
Is she normally so incredibly rude ?

Your mom better watch her rude ass mouth.

She's being really nasty about your husband's niece's husband. A lot of people would tell her where to shove her opinion.

She needs a Don't start none, won't be none tattoo reminder when she starts her yapping.

It sounds like she's not too fond of your husband talking to him about his family like that. That's a bitch move and she knows it.

Bump!

Crikey, I thought most people had grown out of calling people ugly by the time they were in double figures!

I think it's one thing to have your own negative opinion about someone but your DM is old enough to know that it wasn't her place to share them with your DH.

“Don’t start none, won’t be none!!” Brilliant. I love it. Never heard this before and I wish I had… Various people in my family could have used the admonition. Not going to get a tattoo, though.

Sorry but I would absolutely read my mum the riot act for this . It is exceptionally rude to comment on the guys appearance & maybe he didn’t speak to your mum previously as he’s a bit shy . How your mum can think that it was in any way acceptable to comment on someone else’s extended family like that in public is beyond comprehension .