Is this rude or not ?

[IsabellaCoral]

Situation - out for dinner and drinks with my parents.

The subject of DH’s family comes up, talking about a family wedding.

My mum says to DH that she thinks his niece’s new DH is ‘ugly’ and ‘rude’. She wonders why the niece chose this guy, and thinks it was a bad choice.

She says he is rude as when she met him once at an unrelated event, he didn’t come and say hello to her. Also mum’s friend who was at the same event, also thinks the new niece DH is ugly and rude.

When we say no, he’s actually really nice and not ugly, she repeats it.

Rude to say this to DH or just an opinion as it is ‘just a niece’ and not a close family relative.

YABU - just an opinion and OK to say to DH
Yanbu- it is rude and keep it to yourself

What did your mum expect your DH to do with this information? Her opinion of the guy's appearance is subjective and utterly ridiculous to mention it. His rudeness in not approaching her at an event, would he even recognise her? She didn't speak to him either. Your mother is the rude one.

Oh and apparently according to Dmum ‘a niece isn’t close family’……

BUT family is very very important so I should put up with her comments and not call her on it.

um not both of those can be true ….

I've always taught my kids not to make nasty comments that no one's asked for and that people don't like it. It's tricky when someone gets to adulthood having never been taught how to behave properly.

At my FIL's funeral my dad also came (an hour's drive away) as he knew him a bit & was very fond of him. However my OH's sister's OH didn't say one word to him. As family, I would have expected him to at least say hello & thank you for coming. My dad & I thought that was very rude but my dad only said it to me. In similar circumstances your mum probably have a point but there's a time & place for saying it. And saying he is ugly is just downright nasty. Does she have form for such bitchiness?

Well you can adjust your behaviour but it’s pretty hard to change your looks, poor guy. It says a lot about your mum that she’s basing her opinion on his looks, presumably your mum is very attractive? (and shallow!). Is he rude? Your mum and her friend certainly are!
As for him not going over to say hello why didn’t she go to him? Is she a queen?

I know ! All of this.

yes she has form for nasty comments but she thinks she is really nice, and if anyone challenges her then she just denies what she said.

she had said it to me before, and I had defended the niece DH as he’s a nice bloke.

why she felt the need to say it to my DH is what I don’t get.

people do say that the first sign of dementia is starting to say and act badly, as inhibitions are reduced. Maybe it that.

I am cheered tho as usually when I post about her I get a chorus of mumsnetters going ‘ooo you should be nice to your mum’ and ‘you’ll miss her when she’s gone’.