To feel so sad my Dc is an only

[Wherewillthisallendup]

And to wish i’d been able to have more children

Due to infertility it took years to have our Dd, we were obviously over the moon she arrived as we didn’t believe it would ever happen. The younger years especially were the happiest of my life
I would have loved more children and feel guilt and sadness that she doesn’t have a sibling which she asks me about sometimes.
I have one frozen embryo left over from the ivf process but am 48 now

Speaking as an only child, I think YABU.

But then I would say that.

Same. Never wanted siblings, don't miss what I never had, DH has a sister he speaks to about once a year.
Get a bit sick of it being spoken about like a life-sentence of misery to be honest.

I'm sorry you weren't able to have more though, OP.

Can you use the frozen embryo ?

We're one-and-done by choice (although partly decided due to a miscarriage with first pregnancy) and I don't feel sad for my daughter - she hasn't had siblings so she can't miss it. We are able to give so much more to her as an only, and she has cousins and friends. Sorry you are struggling with this, if it's affecting you daily I'd consider getting some counselling to accept the situation. it's so common to be an only child nowadays, i read soon it will be the majority of families in UK / EU countries.

YANBU to feel sad, infertility is devastating and isolating. You are entitled to feel sad sometimes that your life isn't as you'd hoped. However try not to second guess that your daughter is missing a sibling or be sad on her behalf as truthfully she doesn't know any different and I expect you are giving her the most amazing life. We struggled for a long time to have a second and as much as DD loves her sister, she often reflects very fondly on the time when she was an only and in truth I don't think she is "better off" for having a sibling.

There are pros and cons to everything in life! And we make up for stuff that might be lacking by making other things richer.
and we don’t really miss what we’ve never had as long as we are loved. Eg my kids never got a grandad as they both died, I know what they missed out on but they know no different.

My grandmother, mother, me and my son are all only children. I never missed a sibling until now, I'm 53, my mother is poorly and really would like to share the load.

Op as someone with a few children your child will have opportunities my kids never could, we couldn’t have them try different activities to see what they’d like due to cost and timing so if they didn’t know what they wanted that was it. One to one time is very sparse, especially during homework time. The youngest is growing up too quickly because of the other kids and we have to rein it in and have talks regularly. Cinema trips, holidays etc are very few and far between due to expense. You are a family. More than one person in a household is a family. Forget about what could have been x

I’m 48 😔

Why didn’t you try with the frozen embryo when your DD was little?

agree with others. Only children don’t want or need pity. The assumption that no siblings = misery is old fashioned and untrue.

It's ok to feel sad. Life doesn't turn out the way we think. It's not just family but careers etc. Most people didn't get what they want and I think our 40s is where we sort of realize it's too late for some things.

But it's also an opportunity. Allow yourself to feel sad and move on. Acknowledge the positives. And start finding other ways to make a life that will make you content.

Even if you are menopausal you can do a medicated FET!

Oh OP of course you’re not BU.

Infertility is heartbreaking and you’re not a bad person for wishing you had another child.

You of course can be grateful for what you have, whilst feeling sadness for what you do not have. Those feelings can coincide.

I’m not menopausal it’s more my age in terms of when the child is older etc

Completely understandable to feel hurt you haven't been able to have more children but don't project your feelings onto your daughter. I am an only child and, honestly, never felt like I was hard done by it. In fact, I vividly remember going on a weekend trip with my cousin when I was 16 and thinking "thank god I don't have siblings".
I may have asked for a sibling when I was little. It really wasn't done from any thoughts of missing out - you just don't have any concept of that as a child. In fact, I am quite sure I'd prefer a pet instead.

YANBU to be sad for yourself but don't be sad for DD. I'm an only child and I am happy about it. Had a brief moment when I was 8 or 9 of being desperate for a brother but I appreciated the calm and quiet when I was a teen.

I’m sorry you have experienced infertility but YABU to assume that being an only child is “sad”. There are many reasons why being an only is a benefit: more money and more parental attention being the two most obvious.

Grieve for yourself by all means but please don’t perpetrate these two dimensional stereotypes about only children. They are simplistic, outdated and offensive to people who have only children by choice and you won’t help your child at all by conveying this.

YANBU to have wanted more kids, YABU to think your daughter is missing out on anything. My daughter is an only and from IVF. She once said when she was about 4 that she would like a sister. Then about a week later she came back and said she had changed her mind. The new sister would be a baby and I would pay my attention to said baby and not to her, and also she didn´t want a baby, but a sister her own age, a twin. So that was that. She has never mentioned it since, and seems quite content.
As for those saying now their parents are older they would want a sibling to share the load. I know people with siblings, looking after their parents alone because said siblings don´t want to know, or sibling lives in Australia. My ex boyfriends don´t speak to their brothers, they have always had an antagonistic relationship.
This is a you thing, not a dd thing.

Your own sadness is a perfectly normal response to not having something in your life you would like. But try not to compound your feelings by projecting that on to your child because they 'sometimes' ask for a sibling.
There is no guarantee that having a sibling would be life enhancing for them. Being an only child might be a much more positive experience for the unique person they are than being one of two.
As children we are raised in the family we get. We know no other and every situation will have its positives and negatives.
I'm an only child who would have liked siblings. However what I would have liked is a product of my imagination. Who knows how I'd have found the reality?
All I know for sure is that my parents loved me and did their best for me. They mitigated against any loneliness by making sure I had lots of social opportunities, and when I grew up, there were distinct advantages to not having to share their time and focus with anyone else.

There is no guarantee having a sibling would share the load. I have a brother and he hasn’t shared the load ever.

It's normal to feel sadness at not being able to have more children if that's what you wanted. But don't let it rob you of what you have got - a wonderful daughter. Only children are just fine so don't feel bad about her not having siblings - fill your home with friends, cousins, playmates for her and enjoy their company 😊 And enjoy the fact that you can give her your full attention and do lots of things together. Families come in all shapes and sizes and you have to make the best of what you've got and count your blessings ❤️

You are not being unreasonable. I think most people will understand why you have that feeling.
I have two children. Ds age 14 and dd age 11. I had imagined watching them grow up together being there for each other. Reality is in most ways I have two only children. They have zero in common. Do not do anything together. Most of the time dont look the road the other is on if that makes sense. They have different interests. One is very social and likes to be around friends the other quieter and prefers own company. I think the idea and reality are often not the same. A sibling might have been nice but equally having her parents to herself might be better.

She is wanted and loved. She will be fine.

I have regret about not having more children. I can relate on that. Its hard but dont think the grass is always greener. Its not. Not all siblings get along.

Nothing wrong at all with having one child and being an only child. You need to change your thinking on this. Loads and loads of benefits to it.

You’re not unreasonable to feel a bit sad, but it won’t negatively impact your daughter - yes she will miss out in some respects but gain so much more in others, you can’t really have it all nor control how things turn out. Onlys are extremely common these days in any case. Is there a reason you didn’t try to use the frozen embryo sooner?

There Is 11 years between me and my half brother (semi grew up in the same household when I went to live with my grandparents as he was already there- shit parents, domestic abuse which he never went through) and I've not sen him for maybe 12 years. Siblings don't necessary been closeness unfortunately 🙁bi wish it did