To not go down the ADHD path?

[Anonnymouse85]

Firstly, I 100% believe ADHD is real and have a family member with the condition as well as friends.

DS, 11, says he is finding it hard to concentrate since starting secondary school. He feels like he fidgets a lot. He’s like this at home - often when watching TV he’s shifting all over the sofa (but not always) and when he’s read to at night, he always likes to fiddle with a toy.

School allows him to have a quiet fidget toy in lessons.

Other that that, he’s doing well at school, I’ve never had any indication from any teacher that he might have ADHD - however he asked me the other night if he thinks he might have it. It’s worrying him that he feels he can’t concentrate - but his work doesn’t seem to be suffering.

I really didn’t want to dismiss his concern but I just tried to reassure him that no, I don’t think he does and that different people focus in different ways - some need to sit still and quietly, some find their brain is more focused when their body is doing something. Plus, everyone finds some lessons more interesting than others (I remember falling asleep in science lessons because I was so bored!!)

But a little part of me is asking “what if he does have it and by not acknowledging it, he won’t get the support he needs?”

At the same time, I just feel like people can be too keen to label behaviours - can this not just be a personality trait of his, rather than something that needs to be diagnosed??

DS is the same, absolutely thriving at school so they’ve never raised anything. He’s in the process of being assessed - passed (failed??) the pre-assessment screening thing so next step is assessment. The older he’s getting the more of a problem it’s becoming - he’ll leave the front door wide open for example, and he’s getting really upset with himself ‘why am I like this’ etc :( SENCO at school is supportive and said may as well get him assessed so he understands himself more than anything. Adjustments will be available to him with a diagnosis too, up to him if he uses them or not.

Just sounds like hes bored and uncomfortable. Secondary can be rubbish for behaviour of other kids.
adhd kids often struggle to start/stop work, do homework, interrupt.
Or you could be inattentive and have to have instructions repeated or lose things

My DS was diagnosed at 6 with adhd, DD was significantly older. They both had more than not keeping still, DS lost everything and instruction had to be wrote down (go upstairs and get your p.e kit, make sure black shorts are in bag, and open your bedroom window/ he'd remember to get shorts) he also never slept as much as his 3 siblings and still doesn't as a young adult. Because he also has autism he decided he didn't want to medicate and we found ways to manage, he had weighted stuff animals to go on neck/lap. He never got on with weighted blanket but had a sleeping bag. DD is medicated as she needed it as was close to loosing her job. She writes everything down, even at work, either on post it or in note books. She then checks it before submitting things, this works for her. If he copied at primary and his only symptom is fidgeting id leave him to see if he settles as secondary is a big change and it could be anxiety, excitement, fear, boredom to name a few. Keep eye on him and revisit in few months.

YABU

Why would you let him carry a burden he doesn’t have too?

Thank you all - yes, I would’ve thought he’d have other symptoms like PPs describe.

I think I’ll do as suggested - keep an eye on him and see how he goes. I’ll tell him that we’ll see how he gets on and to keep me posted on how it’s going so he feels reassured that I’m taking it seriously.

I’ve not ignored it - the school knows how he feels and allows him to have a fidget toy. I just worry that it’s unhelpful to immediately jump to labelling or diagnosing slightly uncomfortable behaviour - surely not all imperfect behaviour is a ND?

What does school think? What aren’t you asking them opposed to MN?

Undiagnosed ADHD can get progressively worse and cause big MH problems.

What harm would going through initial ADHD screening cause?

Following
I have a ds 10 and I feel exactly the same as you-
a lot of fidgeting, mouth noises, hand noises and can’t concentrate long.
I am leaning towards an assessment as a way of him understanding himself better especially through puberty

If he hasn’t got adhd he won’t be diagnosed with it

What do school think? Have you looked at a list of other symptoms/ behaviours yourself to think about whether he is likely to meet the criteria?

you could have an initial screen - i think they cost about £250 to go private, from memory. You don't have to jump straight into a full assessment.

Keep it low key, tell DS he probably doesn't have it, but if he does it'll be useful to know, it will help him understand himself and you all to support him best but it doesn't change who he is.

Good luck xx

DC2 was diagnosed with ADHD at age 20. Dyslexia was diagnosis at 18, a few months after sitting A-Levsls. School seemed to be going ok until about the age of 13, except that their attainment seemed lower than I would have expected given their intelligence and consciousness.

Neither the school nor I ever considered dyslexia or ADHD. They would have probably got higher grades if they’d had the support for dyslexia and the treatment for ADHD .

OP, ADHD is a diagnosis (not a label!) like any other. It is treatable. The medication has been around for decades and is therefore tried and tested. Untreated ADHD can lead to significant health problems. I have ME/CFS, which has made me too ill to work. My psychiatrist says she has many mature ADHD patients with ME/CFS and she says that part of the cause of my NE/CFS would have been the stress of living with untreated ADHD,.

Anyone over the age of about 35 or 40 seems to attach a lot of stigma to an ADHD diagnosis. I know lots of 20-somethings and they don’t see any stigma in it whatsoever.

OP, YAB very U if you were to decide not to get your DC assessed because it would put them at a significant disadvantage if they do have ADHD and they don’t get the help and treatment they need - just like any significant health issue, as a responsible parent, you would seek out medical help.

I'd follow up on it - he's only 11. The teenaged years may have it come out more and more. It was only really when my ds started to have to do more self-guided study as an older teen that it really showed.

You do NOT want to be trying to put things in place for him later on when he might be struggling with GCSEs or after his confidence & self-esteem have been knocked into the ground. Plus it takes ages.

Get it confirmed (or ruled out) then you're not running to catch up later when the damage is done.

People should let go of this too quick to label rubbish- even if everyone in the world has something or other, if they’ve learned coping mechanisms for how to deal with something that’s worrying them and so holding them back what does it matter? He’s asked you for help, I think you owe it to him to look into it/ see if there's anything else that can be dealt with (and it might be something quick and easy to change)

Its also worth looking into what ADHD is and what can help. Whether he gets a diagnosis or not, there might be things out there that help him (eg my DS needs a lot of visuals, so big timetables, clocks, timers etc).

You don't need a diagnosis to try that kind of thing and see what helps.

School doesn’t seem to think he has it - although they have told me they are “not really allowed to say if they think a child has it.”

I’m not against getting a screening - but is the concentration issue enough to warrant that??

Plus he's literally asking you for help. It’s worrying him that he feels he can’t concentrate

He knows better than you what he's feeling and how much he's struggling.

Listen to him.

The worst that can happen if you follow up is that it turns out not to be.

If it IS, though and you just keep telling him not to worry, you're making his life so much harder and putting obstacles in the way of his success and happiness.

My son's school never raised a single concern. They are not the Oracle on this.

Children cope until they hit the level where they can no longer mask their behaviours. It gets worse from there on out.

At least if you get a proper assessment, you'll know if its something that needs accommodation, or if he just needs to apply himself better.

Ok - so to get an assessment, do I approach my GP or just go private?

There seems to be some sort of Omerta approach in schools to SEN - everyone recognises what's happening, and the schools (at least primary) do put accommodations in place, but at the same time everyone 'forgets' to mention anything to the parents. Even when your child has v obvious issues, you still won't know the half of what's happening.

Private is quicker. Much quicker.

Downside is that if you need meds, you might then have to pay for them privately too.

I did really well academically at school and none of my teachers would ever have said I have ADHD. However, I really struggled with focus and attention to detail in the work place, and also with organisation at home. This had a real impact on my MH post maternity leave and GP suggested ADHD and referred to clinical psychiatrist. I was diagnosed and the psychiatrist told me later it was clear to him I had it within 10 minutes of meeting me. Recently started medication and it has been life changing.

Thats not to say your DS has it, but worth considering the long term impacts of a diagnosis

It depends on your local offer. Here school would refer to paediatrics and I don’t think our GPs refer.

You can go private but you need to make sure it’s a reputable company and as a PP said, you may have to pay privately for any medication prescribing.

I think it’s important you do this. If he does have ADHD he’ll struggle more in secondary school.

My DS was late diagnosed in Y9 though we have been aware of issues since he was small. He’s bright enough to have got through primary school ok and it fell apart a bit in secondary. School really didn’t see an issue until we got the SENCO to send a questionnaire around all the teachers - the low level disruption and ‘could try harder’ wasn’t dramatic enough to trigger concern so nobody joined the dots. Medication has made a huge difference. Part of the diagnostic criteria is significant difficulties in at least two settings (home and school) and we had an assessment with no diagnosis in primary school because school weren’t seeing an issue. There was an interesting article in the press yesterday saying there are three distinct subtypes of brain changes in ADHD brains - those who are not the classic massively hyperactive boy can go unrecognised more easily. There are plenty of online screening tools you could explore with him as a starting point to assess how much this is impacting him.

One of my DDs has a diagnosis of inattentive ADHD and is medicated during school days by her choice - the reason we went for a diagnosis with her was that it was distressing her and she felt like things "weren't staying in my brain" and combined with her having an ASD profile of needing to follow rules, excessive empathy and wanting to people please - it was really unsettling her.

She chose to trial medication and says she can feel it take effect during her first tutor period and her school marks have increased dramatically as well - she's not running to keep up with her peers organisationally now.

The other child is glaringly more stereotypically ADHD - she's not bothered by it, manages to contain bouncing off the walls to break times and at home - and she doesn't want to push things down the diagnostic route - she's learning to work inside her brain and doing OK. I think I'm probably like this as well to the point I have a timer on my desk to focus on work pomodoro style - but bloody hell can I get stuff done when hyper focus kicks in.