To not go down the ADHD path?

[Anonnymouse85]

Firstly, I 100% believe ADHD is real and have a family member with the condition as well as friends.

DS, 11, says he is finding it hard to concentrate since starting secondary school. He feels like he fidgets a lot. He’s like this at home - often when watching TV he’s shifting all over the sofa (but not always) and when he’s read to at night, he always likes to fiddle with a toy.

School allows him to have a quiet fidget toy in lessons.

Other that that, he’s doing well at school, I’ve never had any indication from any teacher that he might have ADHD - however he asked me the other night if he thinks he might have it. It’s worrying him that he feels he can’t concentrate - but his work doesn’t seem to be suffering.

I really didn’t want to dismiss his concern but I just tried to reassure him that no, I don’t think he does and that different people focus in different ways - some need to sit still and quietly, some find their brain is more focused when their body is doing something. Plus, everyone finds some lessons more interesting than others (I remember falling asleep in science lessons because I was so bored!!)

But a little part of me is asking “what if he does have it and by not acknowledging it, he won’t get the support he needs?”

At the same time, I just feel like people can be too keen to label behaviours - can this not just be a personality trait of his, rather than something that needs to be diagnosed??

I could have written this myself. Did well at school and in the workplace but there’s been times where the burnout from holding it together and masking everything has been too much. It was the mental health team that referred me and it finally made sense.

Unless you are planning to go private he needs to be on a list now due to very long waiting lists. We ended up going private and was the best decision, cost £2800 for the assessment and he is now on medication which is costing £85 per month privately but it is worth every penny and has been life changing. The fact your son has brought this up means you should not wait and should address this ASAP.

Perhaps you could try a dietician?

It's often surprising how different foods/drinks etc can affect children.

There are 3 types of ADHD, my son has inattentive ADHD and people are surprised when they are made aware as he isn’t hyperactive, he just can’t focus and struggles to follow instructions. You need to follow your intuition and don’t have any regrets, what harm is there in doing an assessment and finding out one way or another?

It is hereditary I believe so if you have it and are undiagnosed you are unlikely to see traits in your children

Thank you - would you mind pointing me to a good online screening tool please? Googling is coming up with overwhelming results!!

he sounds like my son who is dyspraxic and there is some cross over of symptoms. My husband also has dyspraxia and he is the same, he really struggles in a room when more that one person is talking - like school, or the office to concentrate on what he sound be doing. At home it’s hard because the kids will be trying to has multiple conversations in the same room and he can’t listen to one kid even if the one is talking to me, we have to separate rooms in the house for electronics because he can’t deal with 2 being on at once if he is not on them, it means he can’t focus on what he is doing. But as I said it’s dysprixa rather than ADHD

If he's raising it with you surely as part of being a good parent you would investigate?

Untreated ADHD can be devastating, much better to have him assessed before GCSEs, A levels etc.

I wasn't diagnosed until my 40s, I was the model good student but had horrendous anxiety, stayed up all night to complete school, college, Uni work, was a mess really. Had my parents tried to help who knows how different things could have looked for me?

And please can this 'label' thing die a death now? Surely better to know what you're working with than be 'labelled' with other things!

If he doesn't have it, he won't be diagnosed, simple as that really. If he does, and can be medicated, it could be life changing.

I wouldn't pay too much attention to what school are saying tbh, I would listen to what your son is telling you.

YABU if you don’t get him assessed. He’s struggling and needs help to know why and how his concentration can be improved.

Those with undiagnosed ADHD can be coping okay in primary school but then find it all goes to shit once they hit puberty. He’s 11 so that’s not far off.

Those with undiagnosed and untreated ADHD are more likely to have substance abuse issues.

A diagnosis is not a label. It’s a diagnosis.

My DH regrets that he wasn’t diagnosed earlier in life. It affected his self image because he was always told that if only he concentrated more or tried harder then he could have done better at high school. His school results didn’t match his understanding of a subject or the huge effort he put in. As a result he was hard on himself and figured he was stupid. It was the same at uni. His results didn’t reflect his knowledge or understanding of a subject and the massive effort he put in. He was diagnosed in his mid 20s and began medication. Such a difference.

Our DD has ADHD too. She was diagnosed at 6yo and began medication immediately. Huge difference for her. She only takes meds on school days now that she’s a teenager.

Diagnosis in uk is down to how severely the school mark them on the questionnaires- they literally have to get over a certain score

But presumably if he had assessments and it turned out he was NT, the assessments would show that? It sort of sounds like you’re assuming if he’s assessed then he’ll definitely be diagnosed?

@Anonnymouse85try https://childmind.org/article/adhd-test-for-kids-and-teens/ which is based on the diagnostic criteria. Obviously can’t be used for diagnose but might identify more traits you are just used to.

I know what you’re saying but no, what I mean is, just because he’s mentioned he finds it difficult to concentrate, I didn’t want to immediately take him to the GP etc and assume ADHD based on that one thing.

Thanks - just tried this and it concluded “no results” as the answers I ticked were insufficient to narrow down any condition…

Although I’m willing to explore this more because of course, I don’t want him to worry about it or for it to negatively affect him, I think what I’m trying to say is that - not every uncomfortable or negative trait or feeling is down to a “condition”, is it?
It’s like when people say “I have anxiety” when what they mean is they’re feeling worried or anxious - that’s not the same as “having anxiety.”

Please don’t jump down my throat - I’m not some awful mother who doesn’t want to help her son - I’m just trying to take a balanced approach!!

In fairness this has been raised - that private assessments don’t seem to consider other possibilities (including, to be honest, just the normal range of human attention spans.)

I tend to look at it differently;: rather than why wouldn’t you I see it more as why would you; what is there to gain, what is there to lose. I’m not actually sure there is a lot to gain in this instance.

Of course you’re not. It is a bit of a prevailing view on here and a damaging one, that at the first suggestion of a child being ND if you aren’t hammering down the door to your GP you are a Bad Mother, but actually I think wait and see is very sensible here.

It’s part of the diagnosis that the condition has to cause ‘significant difficulties’ so if it isn’t currently then he probably wouldn’t be diagnosed. You can validate his experiences by exploring it a bit more together and then he knows he can come to you with any future worries.

Ikwym. But as others have said, if he doesn't meet the criteria, he won't be diagnosed.

Unless you have concerns that private diagnoses are essentially given out on request? I don't think that's possible as there are specific, observable criteria that need to be met.

As well as observations from you, your son, the school and the clinicians who see him, they often use a Qb test as well, which measures how much they fidget.
Qb test https://share.google/xITTZcq6Ksq6vWeUm

My DC’s school didn’t notice ADHD and dyslexia. Bright kids in particular are exceptionally good at hiding it.

In my experience of having been assessed for both autism and ADHD (me - both, DC2 - ADHD) they send you loads of screener questionnaires, in which you pick one answer, and they also ask open-ended questions. Tbey then look at this information and decide whether it looks like the patient could meet the diagnostic criteria- if yes, a full assessment goes ahead, if not, then they don’t do the assessment. Having said this, this is how it works with adults. It could be a little different with children.

GET HIM ASSESSED. I’m dealing with this when my DH is almost 40; his life has been constantly wondering why he’s “a failure” and why his “brain is broken” and he can’t just be “normal.” And yes, depending on how you frame it - you could see it as a string of failures, instead of a man always trying as hard as he can and then getting overwhelmed and being unable to go on. It is absolutely heartbreaking to hear him talk about it it. If your son internalizes the idea that he’s somehow “broken,” it will follow him for the rest of his life and affect him more than you can imagine. Essentially, an ADHD assessment is just looking at the way he thinks - good, accredited professionals who do these tests with young people are familiar with the fact that everyone has personality traits, and they know a lot about where the boundary (personality vs ADHD) is, so they will hopefully not diagnose him unnecessarily.

Doesn't he need to be the one doing the assessment?

This is how it worked with the provider we used for DS, then 15.

I don't think all providers do this so worth looking for one that does - no need to splurge thousands on a full assessment if a top line questionnaire would suggest he doesn't have it.

OP its also worth thinking what you would do with the information. For us, we wanted to try meds and obviously you need a diagnosis for that, so we pursued it.

The screening test also suggested my DS may have autism but we didn't pursue that as there's no treatment as such and we have already implemented ways to work with his rigid thinking that help him (eg I have had to learn to be very specific in my use of language, and very specific about timings- he can't deal in estimates). He can always pursue this if he thinks it'd be useful later on.

Not saying that's the correct approach but it worked for us.

No, it was asking questions from a parental point of view.

All the symptoms that PPs are mentioning about their DC who have ADHD - no issues with time-keeping, turn-taking, memory, instructions etc - he has none of those, he literally just says he finds it hard to concentrate in some lessons.