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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who left who?

44 replies

SoManyStairs1 · 04/03/2026 10:29

This happened a few years ago now but it was recently brought up again by someone so it’s back in my mind again.

About 8 years ago I went to Ibiza with a friend “M”. She was desperate to go as she’d been a single mum for years and finally her son’s dad was taking him away for a week so she wanted to book Ibiza for a long weekend. I personally considered myself a bit “old” (38) and knackered for Ibiza clubbing but agreed to go. The first two nights were great fun! Out until the early hours etc! The final night we’d been to a bar/club place and it was closing so we were starting to walk back to the hotel (it was about 4am).

About half way back we came across a group of 6 “lads”. All much younger than us. They looked about 20-25 (but everyone looks young to me so could have been a bit older). They started chatting to us and ended up inviting us back to their hotel. They said it was quite a distance away but they had cars and there was space in them for us. I immediately said no but my friend started saying come on let’s go it’ll be fun! I told her there wasn’t a chance I was getting in a car with random blokes who had likely been drinking and going god knows where. The lads started calling me boring etc and my friend was agreeing with them. They were all hugging her saying yeah this one is fun ignore your crap friend etc. I tried to pull her to the side and told her this was a bad idea. We don’t know them. There’s 6 of them. They aren’t “interested” in us in a good way - we’re likely 10-15 years older than them at least. And I am not going to put myself in danger. Her reply was “so you’re going to leave me?? You’re seriously going to leave me in the middle of Ibiza by myself?? Some friend you are!” Etc. The blokes who had gathered around again were agreeing again with her. I told her I was going back to the hotel and I really thought she should come. This went on for a good 10 mins back and forth. Long story short she went with them and I went back to the hotel.

Thankfully she was fine and came back to the hotel around 11am. We were flying home that evening. She did not speak to me the entire day and changed her seat on the plane away from me. She told all mutual friends how I “left her” on holiday. (It’s probably split 50/50 between friends who is on who’s “side” but no one has fallen out with either of us). I sent her a text once asking her why it’s me leaving her? Why was it not her leaving me? We were both walking to the hotel and she changed the plan. So she technically left me. I told her at the end of the day she’s an adult and responsible for herself. But she said I should have “made sure she was safe”.

Anyway was I unreasonable to “leave” her that night? I doubt we’ll ever rekindle the friendship now anyway but as I said it was just brought up again by a mutual friend at the weekend.

OP posts:
DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 04/03/2026 10:30

100% her leaving you!

notacooldad · 04/03/2026 10:31

Your friend was an idiot and very lucky.

Nighttimenoise · 04/03/2026 10:31

I would say she left you

Snoozlepops · 04/03/2026 10:32

She left you.

She also tried very hard to manipulate you into putting yourself in danger.

She sounds like a bit of a twat tbh.

raspberets · 04/03/2026 10:33

You can lead a horse to water…..

Mochudubh · 04/03/2026 10:35

She left you and f*cked off with some random blokes. She is so lucky nothing bad happened.

This just reminded me of an ex-flatmate at college who would spend an evening snogging and groping some random on the dancefloor all evening then get pissed off with me when I went home (on my own) instead of waiting around like spare part for her.

amber763 · 04/03/2026 10:35

She left you 100 percent and she was really really stupid.

DrinkFeckArseBrick · 04/03/2026 10:38

You gave her the option of coming with her and tried to advise her to make the right decision. She is an adult and chose to a. Leave you and b. Put herself in danger. It's horrible that she is having a go at you for not joining in with her fuckwittery, you're not her parent and it's not your job to ban her from making stupid decisions or follow along to make sure she doesn't get into trouble. She 100pc left you

OlympicProcrastinator · 04/03/2026 10:42

100 she left you. And she tried to lead you to danger and then she gaslighted you to think you left her. She’s a twat and not your friend.

Summerlilly · 04/03/2026 10:44

Wow she really did some gymnastics there to make you out to be the villain.
She definitely left you.
You are allowed to protect yourself from a situation you were uncomfortable in, especially since you clearly verbalised that to her multiple times.

BusyDenimLion · 04/03/2026 10:45

I wouldn’t say either of you ‘left’ each other and just decided to different things.

But she is clearly the unreasonable one as she didn’t respect your decision and tried then and after to make you feel guilty, whilst you tried to make her see she was making a stupid decision, but ultimately let her get on with it and don’t seem to have gone on about her abandoning you after the fact.

Heronwatcher · 04/03/2026 10:47

She is completely mad. I don’t understand why you didn’t give it to her with both barrels when she started with the toddler tantrum the next day- was she seriously expecting you to put yourself in physical
danger with a large group of men on drugs/ drunk, in a car? And then risked god knows what back at their flat in the middle of the night. You tried to persuade her to stay and she refused- what more were you supposed to do. I’d have been absolutely furious and probably ended the friendship then and there.

MoFadaCromulent · 04/03/2026 10:48

Would I risk getting raped just so my friend who was choosing to risk getting raped and could easily choose an option where she would not risk getting raped just so they wouldn't be on their own while they were in danger?

Nah

Iloveacurry · 04/03/2026 10:50

She’s an idiot. She left you.

raspberets · 04/03/2026 10:53

It make take a few more years for her to realise she was completely irresponsible. Hopefully she’ll get there.

Conniebygaslight · 04/03/2026 10:57

Who on earth are the 'friends' saying you left her?!

FlowerFairyDaisy · 04/03/2026 11:21

I wouldn't really consider that 'leaving' anyone, it's just a decision that she made. And you made a different decision.

I don't understand why she got so stroppy about it if she had a fun time with these guys as nothing bad happened to her.

I wouldn't miss that friendship at all.

raspberets · 04/03/2026 11:24

Conniebygaslight · 04/03/2026 10:57

Who on earth are the 'friends' saying you left her?!

And why is it even a thing so late in the day?

EnjoythemoneyJane · 04/03/2026 11:26

But she said I should have “made sure she was safe”.

So she knew that what she was doing was potentially unsafe, but chose to do it anyway? And just fucked off with a carload of random blokes leaving you to walk home alone?

Same as @Conniebygaslight, the only thing that surprises me is that any of your friends could possibly think you’re the unreasonable one in this scenario. What a twat.

SilverPink · 04/03/2026 12:07

She’s a twat. You’d think a grown woman would know better.

toomuchfaff · 04/03/2026 12:24

Snoozlepops · 04/03/2026 10:32

She left you.

She also tried very hard to manipulate you into putting yourself in danger.

She sounds like a bit of a twat tbh.

this.

100% drop her (and anyone taking her side) and never think about her or this situation again.

She told you everything you need to know about what her priorities are and it was going off to a random party with a carload of random blokes; not you, and your safety, or your apprehension.

MoFadaCromulent · 04/03/2026 12:25

EnjoythemoneyJane · 04/03/2026 11:26

But she said I should have “made sure she was safe”.

So she knew that what she was doing was potentially unsafe, but chose to do it anyway? And just fucked off with a carload of random blokes leaving you to walk home alone?

Same as @Conniebygaslight, the only thing that surprises me is that any of your friends could possibly think you’re the unreasonable one in this scenario. What a twat.

Exactly

"You should have made sure I was safe"

Ignoring the fact the OP repeatedly tried to keep her safe and basically got called a boring old twat for doing so.

Anicechianti · 04/03/2026 12:30

Your friend is a fucking idiot.

She chose to put herself in danger. You tried to extract her from it.

She left you.

PepsiBook · 04/03/2026 12:34

She left you on your own. Did she make sure you were safe?
She chose to put herself in a dangerous situation.

Thegoofylife · 04/03/2026 12:44

DitzyDerbyBabe86 · 04/03/2026 10:30

100% her leaving you!

Edited

This 100% I hate this.

I had a friend who I like you holidayed with and we were drinking in a bar and she left me to pop to the toilet. And disappeared for 8 hours. I didn’t have a room key and she had my wallet and money. Some English guys invited me to go back to theirs. At the time I felt I had no chance but I didn’t want to. One of the guys ended up getting me a taxi with him back to my apartment and sitting on a bench waiting for her to rock up - which she did eventually about 7 am. He (the guy that took me home was a nice guy and didn’t turn anything on) but he was a 6 ft 6 bloke and said he didn’t want any harm for me.

Turned out she had gone outside and had drink and had sex on the beach for hours with a Danish guy she had just met all consensual as she was just having fun and I was boring. I wasn’t cool apparently and according to her she just wanted a shag and I was too uptight. I was single but we had bloody children!! The guy who took me home was like 25. We hadn’t gone on holiday to shag about or at least that hadn’t been communicated to me. She was furious that I had left the bar (!!!!) to go home she fucked off for 8 hours. And she wasn’t that pissed and hadn’t taken anything before she went off. She’s not my friend anymore but to be honest I stayed friends with her for another 10 years. If block her and explain your story to any mutual friends and if they can’t see that - I’d block them too!

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