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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Who left who?

44 replies

SoManyStairs1 · 04/03/2026 10:29

This happened a few years ago now but it was recently brought up again by someone so it’s back in my mind again.

About 8 years ago I went to Ibiza with a friend “M”. She was desperate to go as she’d been a single mum for years and finally her son’s dad was taking him away for a week so she wanted to book Ibiza for a long weekend. I personally considered myself a bit “old” (38) and knackered for Ibiza clubbing but agreed to go. The first two nights were great fun! Out until the early hours etc! The final night we’d been to a bar/club place and it was closing so we were starting to walk back to the hotel (it was about 4am).

About half way back we came across a group of 6 “lads”. All much younger than us. They looked about 20-25 (but everyone looks young to me so could have been a bit older). They started chatting to us and ended up inviting us back to their hotel. They said it was quite a distance away but they had cars and there was space in them for us. I immediately said no but my friend started saying come on let’s go it’ll be fun! I told her there wasn’t a chance I was getting in a car with random blokes who had likely been drinking and going god knows where. The lads started calling me boring etc and my friend was agreeing with them. They were all hugging her saying yeah this one is fun ignore your crap friend etc. I tried to pull her to the side and told her this was a bad idea. We don’t know them. There’s 6 of them. They aren’t “interested” in us in a good way - we’re likely 10-15 years older than them at least. And I am not going to put myself in danger. Her reply was “so you’re going to leave me?? You’re seriously going to leave me in the middle of Ibiza by myself?? Some friend you are!” Etc. The blokes who had gathered around again were agreeing again with her. I told her I was going back to the hotel and I really thought she should come. This went on for a good 10 mins back and forth. Long story short she went with them and I went back to the hotel.

Thankfully she was fine and came back to the hotel around 11am. We were flying home that evening. She did not speak to me the entire day and changed her seat on the plane away from me. She told all mutual friends how I “left her” on holiday. (It’s probably split 50/50 between friends who is on who’s “side” but no one has fallen out with either of us). I sent her a text once asking her why it’s me leaving her? Why was it not her leaving me? We were both walking to the hotel and she changed the plan. So she technically left me. I told her at the end of the day she’s an adult and responsible for herself. But she said I should have “made sure she was safe”.

Anyway was I unreasonable to “leave” her that night? I doubt we’ll ever rekindle the friendship now anyway but as I said it was just brought up again by a mutual friend at the weekend.

OP posts:
BunnyLake · 04/03/2026 13:02

So she was in her late 30s and a mother but behaving like a silly teenager? She was an immature, manipulative idiot and yes she left you.

EverythingGolden · 04/03/2026 13:06

She’s a stupid twat. She has problems.

sundayvibeswig22 · 04/03/2026 13:08

She left you. You had a plan to go back to the room. She changed the plan. She really couldn’t be annoyed with you. She should be apologising that she prioritised random men over a friend.

Yesiamtiredactually · 04/03/2026 13:19

She definitely left you, plus you did try to make sure she was safe by stopping her going off and leaving you!

TheMorgenmuffel · 04/03/2026 13:21

Absolutely, she left you.

BauhausOfEliott · 04/03/2026 13:22

She left you and she sounds like a colossal arsehole.

YorksMa · 04/03/2026 13:51

You're a good friend and she left you.

I wonder if she really was 'alright' or if things happened she didn't want to talk about. I wouldn't be surprised. She was very lucky indeed if she got out of that without anything bad happening.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 04/03/2026 13:53

100% she left you!

What a cheeky mare. She should have been apologising to you, not sulking.

Swiftie1878 · 04/03/2026 14:04

She left you. And she got very lucky that it didn’t end up badly.

SilverPink · 04/03/2026 14:10

YorksMa · 04/03/2026 13:51

You're a good friend and she left you.

I wonder if she really was 'alright' or if things happened she didn't want to talk about. I wouldn't be surprised. She was very lucky indeed if she got out of that without anything bad happening.

I actually wondered this. It might explain why she’s so angry with OP for ‘leaving’ her, because it’s easier than admitting she put herself into that situation and taking accountability.

deeahgwitch · 04/03/2026 14:21

notacooldad · 04/03/2026 10:31

Your friend was an idiot and very lucky.

👏🏻

PurpleHiker · 04/03/2026 14:21

Why was it your job to 'make sure she was safe', but not her job to make sure you were safe? She left you to walk back to the hotel on your own at 4am, anything could have happened to you on that journey.

RudolphRNR · 04/03/2026 14:30

She left you! She sounds immature and irresponsible. Not the sort of friend you want to hang around with.
The stupidity of getting into a car in the middle of the night with men who are complete strangers, beggars belief.

JHound · 04/03/2026 14:41

She left you and any friend that agrees with her is an idiot.

Although I was in a similar situation and went with my friend as I felt letting her go would be “leaving her” but I was staying with her at her family’s home so going back without her felt weird.

This is different.

Goditsmemargaret · 04/03/2026 14:43

She left you but don't ever let her back in. I holidayed with a friend like this once; attention seeking and reckless. Horrible.

MoonWoman69 · 05/03/2026 18:22

Horrifying that she couldn't see the potential danger and you could. Simple as that. Thankfully she was ok, but she wasn't your responsibility. I'm assuming she was an adult woman, why the hell was she acting like she was in her teens? She sounds immature and irresponsible. Nobody needs a mate like that.
Long story, but I once went out clubbing with a mate in the late 90s. We ended up at an illegal West Indian shebeen in some back street in Bradford. Where she proceeded to leave me, with no money and no idea where I was! Luckily some nice West Indian bloke took care of me and we danced and chatted about family etc.
She eventually, after a good few hours, reappeared at 5am and got us a ride home with some dodgy bloke (who I think she'd disappeared off with shagging and who hotwired "his" car to start it!) She was trying to get him to drop her off home first, which I was having none of, as we passed my house before hers! I got him to drop me 3 streets away and I waited until his lights had disappeared down the hill before I ran home.
I got home safe and sound thankfully, totally blanked her and never spoke to her again.
A few years later I heard she had cancer, briefly saw her out shopping, wearing a turban and she had no eyebrows. I was still really pissed off but did feel a little bit sorry for her. Turns out she'd fabricated all that to stop her boyfriend, our friends cousin, leaving her.
Some "friends" truly aren't worth having!

theonlygirl · 05/03/2026 18:33

Cheeky mare. Her, not you. Of course she left you.

FOJN · 05/03/2026 18:39

But she said I should have “made sure she was safe”.

She could have kept herself straight by not getting in a car with 6 strange men. She wasn't looking for safety she was looking for company whilst she behaved recklessly. I would not have remained friends with someone who sulked because I wasn't willing to risk my own safety for them. She's no friend. She's rather stupid, selfish and immature.

GrannyAchingsShepherdsHut · 05/03/2026 18:55

She's a complete twat. And she definitely left you.

It's a bit bloody rich saying you didn't make sure she was safe when you tried to keep her safe and she told you to piss off.

What exactly does she think you could have done if this big group of blokes turned out to be dangerous anyway? Beat them all up and carry her out of there on your shoulders?

Anyone who thinks you were in the wrong can't have heard the whole story surely?!

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