AIBU to bring this up with MIL?

[nutbutterpancake]

DC12 has just told me that today in class they were debating about immigration. He told me he was against immigration. When I asked his reasons why I was surprised when he said ‘Because they come over here and take all of our houses when there are homeless people form the UK living on the streets.’ I asked where he’d got that information from (we don’t discuss things like this at home) and he said ‘Nanny (my MIL) told me’.

Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion but I don’t feel comfortable with her saying this sort of thing to my DC. Of course I then had a conversation with him and gave him some more information. We spoke about the difference between legal and illegal immigrants and discussed the positives of immigrants in the UK - working in our hospitals etc and he took on board what I said. I also explained that things aren’t always black and white, people fleeing war torn countries etc.

Would I be unreasonable to bring this up with MIL? How should I approach it? I don’t want to upset her but also don’t want her sharing opinions with my DC on this sort of thing (especially as I don’t necessarily have the same view).
I’m normally very laid back with MIL but this just feels off to me.

No, I would use as an opportunity to educate your DS on people having differing opinions and he should research and question things not just take them as fact, especially on politics and religion, I think it’s important to learn how to be a critical thinker

edit to add, I know you’ve explained on this topic but I mean it’s important in general he doesn’t just accept what he’s being told as fact just because an elder has said it

I think you would be better making sure you do have these kinds of conversations at home. Your dc is at an age where they are hearing news stories etc and if you don't talk about these things, they will listen to others who do.

First post nails it

People can have different opinions, you can't control what your son hears. You can give him different opinions, ideas, facts and then he will be open minded and decide himself.

After our conversation this evening I did think that we should discuss things like this now. He was clearly interested and was keen to share his thoughts and equally listen to mine. It was interesting to see the cogs turning in his head. Thank you

Honestly I would be using this as an opportunity to have discussions like this at home. He's not too young to know about this stuff and getting his ideas from other either at home or on the playground is never going to be in his best interests.

I think you explain your view. They are going to hear different views.

Yes, I agree that he’s definitely not too young.

Its a good time to teach him about bigotry

Then in all honesty if he's not too young to have these discussions he's also not too young to hear other people views. Your MILs viewpoint might not be shared by you but a one sided discussion is not helpful and whilst not your viewpoints it will always be better for him to be exposed to more than one opinion.

I think the most important thing to do right now is calmly explain to your child that Nanny seems to be talking cobblers woefully misinformed. And educate him with actual facts and evidence of those facts.

I agree that talking about these issues and encouraging him to question and think for himself are all positive steps.

I would however be having a word with your MIL if you think there might be other areas you disagree on. My DF has become extremely right wing / Reform supporting / anti immigration and I’ve made a really clear that I love him, he clearly is allowed his own view point but I do not want him expressing these in front of my children. Particularly in our case because they are presented as fact rather than opinion.

He's going to spend the rest of his teens (and life) listening to people talking bollocks - chasing them down individually and telling them not to isn't the solution. Rather, discuss issues of immigration and homelessness, and get him to think. Check that he understands that homes aren't handed out according to need, but rather have to be paid for. (Presumably that's a yes). Then ask if he thinks the homeless have enough money at their disposal for a deposit and so on. If he knows what you need to buy or rent a home - proof of adequate and stable income and so on. Talk about the causes of homelessness - tragic family backgrounds, drugs, mental illness. Talk about the barriers to employment if you don't have ID, an address, a bank account and a device on which to do applications. (Or a place to wash or get a good night's sleep, or the money for suitable interview clothes). Watch some documentaries or get him to read some homeless people's accounts of their lives. When he understands that it's not just a case of homeless people proffering fistfuls of cash to landlords (who just turn them down on the grounds that they'd rather rent to immigrants), he'll be able to argue the point himself - with MIL and anyone else who says such daft things to him.

If you tell her not to say this stuff, she'll probably just say she's entitled to express her opinion or something similar. And the thing is, she'll be right. People ARE entitled to talk whatever nonsense they like to whoever they like. And it's up to the person listening to decide whether they believe it or are going to take notice of it. And, sometimes, whether they want to continue seeing someone, if all that person ever does is talk crap. These are the skills your ds needs to develop over the next few years. It's time for him to do his own talking, and his own thinking.

I agree with what the others have said and use this as an opportunity to start talking about things at home.

I'd feel like you tbh and want to have a word with my MIL or whoever had said that but it won't get you anywhere and in the real world he will come across people with differing opinions to him so it's good for him to learn how to handle that.

YANBU. But I am surprised your DS hasn’t already heard your own views on immigration. If I had heard such a view on immigration at 12 I’d have challenged my grandmother myself as my parents had discussed world affairs with me since I was small and educated me to be more tolerant.

It is very difficult to control the opinions your child gets exposed to. I have friends who have big discussions about what age it is appropriate to let your child watch the news.
Personally I feel that around 12 it is a time for them to start to see that there are different opinions on lots of subjects.
As they get older you will have to accept that sometimes they will not agree with you opinions always.
When they get to 16 they will agree with NONE of your opinions 😂

This. Of course, have the discussion at home and share your thoughts but if you don't want to make life more difficult for non white kids in this country then I would really appreciate if you and other parents could not do the "all views are equally valid" thing.

I'm not saying that's what you do but I just read that according to a recent survey 50% of reform voters think that non white UK citizens who immigrated here should be forcibly removed from this country and 22% think that UK citizens who were born here but to immigrant parents should also be forcibly removed. Please note this is UK citizens they want to kick out for the crime of not being white.

It didn't take reform and their supporters long to go from 'no illegal and criminal immigrants' to 'no white people'.

In our house there is a rule that if my in laws start chatting shit then they are told to stop. They can say what they want in their own home

Nobody is born with a belief,they are influenced by others and this is a particular influence I am not keen on my children learning from

Has your MIL ever expressed these views in front of you? People who are vocal about immigrants 'coming over here and taking jobs and houses away from proper British people' when there are homeless people living on the streets, usually do absolutely nothing to support the street homeless people and never donate to charities that support the homeless. It's quite handy for them to be able to frame their bigotry as just wanting to look after 'our own'.

Please link to the article you read, this is a shocking stat

https://www.theguardian.com/politics/2026/mar/03/half-reform-voters-believe-non-white-british-citizens-forced-encouraged-leave

My Cousin went a bit crazy a few years ago, spouting racist nonsense about how Britain wasn’t for the British and saying thing like ‘Tommy Robinson is right’ and we look after immigrants rather than our former soldiers.

I essentially cut off ties with him, and each year for Christmas and his Birthday I make a donation to Help for Heroes, put a receipt for the donation in a card and send it in a card to him and his family!

I know it really winds him up, and he complains about how unreasonable I am to his parents, but they think that my approach is perfect…. as they think he has been radicalised by social media and toxic work friends!

I am known as a generous gift giver… and he used to be very excited to receive a gift from me!

I therefore recommend gifting you MIL’s Birthday, Christmas, and Mother’s Day presents (in cash form) to Shelter, print off a receipt with a note saying

‘because you care about the plight of homeless people so much’

If she complains she proves to your son she is a hypocrite and a bigot!

Omg this is brilliant. 😁

You may be upset but you have no right whatsoever to tell you MIL..What to think.
Lots of so called middle class Liberal people are just as bad as bigots in calling out issues. Ill informed knee jerk reactions.

They also have not really checked the facts and evidence on many issues. But just want to look like a bunch of Virtue Signalling goody goodies

Also a lot of peoples opinions are based upon their direct experience and impact in certain areas.

You know families who have been on Social Housing lists for over ten years and can't even get a sniff.

And have sit and watch newly arrived migrants being given Social Housing because they are the number one priority and not them.

Your Mil has got a valid point that she has shared with your DS. There are plenty of other valid points that you have shared with him. Now it's down to him to look at all these points and make up his mind about how he views immigration. You can't just lock him in an echo chamber with you and hope he's never exposed to alternative views.