AIBU to bring this up with MIL?

[nutbutterpancake]

DC12 has just told me that today in class they were debating about immigration. He told me he was against immigration. When I asked his reasons why I was surprised when he said ‘Because they come over here and take all of our houses when there are homeless people form the UK living on the streets.’ I asked where he’d got that information from (we don’t discuss things like this at home) and he said ‘Nanny (my MIL) told me’.

Of course everyone is entitled to their opinion but I don’t feel comfortable with her saying this sort of thing to my DC. Of course I then had a conversation with him and gave him some more information. We spoke about the difference between legal and illegal immigrants and discussed the positives of immigrants in the UK - working in our hospitals etc and he took on board what I said. I also explained that things aren’t always black and white, people fleeing war torn countries etc.

Would I be unreasonable to bring this up with MIL? How should I approach it? I don’t want to upset her but also don’t want her sharing opinions with my DC on this sort of thing (especially as I don’t necessarily have the same view).
I’m normally very laid back with MIL but this just feels off to me.

12 is quite old for still taking Nanny’s word as gospel…..

Older people are full of hate and ignorance these days. If hers aren't your beliefs then don't allow your child near her. It infuriates me when I'm getting on with someone and they then come out with all this ignorant bull.

It's great that you've talked it through with him, used it as an opportunity for meaningful and educational discussion
👏👏👏
But absolutely call MIL out on it - getting old doesn't give you a free pass to say any old racist crap you want to, without being both responsible for and answerable to those comments.

Older people are full of hate and ignorance these days.

What, all of us? Are younger people always ageist?

Evidence for the Social Housing claim please.

Teach him how to form his own judgement and how to recognise information that is only based on opinion not fact.

I'm always amazed at the number of parents these days who don't speak to their kids (or include them in conversations) about religion, politics, world news etc. What do these people actually talk about at home?

I agree with others to take this as a sign he is able to have these kind of discussions and for you to share your views with him, encouraging him to listen to a range of views and to make his own mind up about things.

You could talk to MIL about how you'd prefer her to make sure when she's sharing her opinions that she's not presenting them as fact, that she caveats them with "this is what I think and why" and that you're encouraging your DC to be open-minded and thoughtful and tolerant.

If she's sharing these opinions with DC then I'm surprised these kind of discussions haven't come up in your presence before. Does she know that you have different views?

I've had to have uncomfortable discussions with PIL when it's been necessary to say that I don't agree with them about <whatever> and while I don't want to fall out with them I find certain things unacceptable and won't stick around to listen to them and expect them not to share such views with my children. They apologised the next day and said that it had made them think more.

Of course OP's MIL can continue to air her views but OP has every right to keep her child away so he doesn't hear her views.

I love the way that people with right-wing views continually complain about immigrants jumping the queue for social housing when the issue is that Margaret Thatcher allowed people to buy the council houses but didn't allow councils to use the money raised to build new ones. The majority of council houses bought under the 'Right to Buy' scheme are now in the hands of private landlords. The lack of social housing isn't the fault of immigrants.

If granny's a bigot filling your sons head with nonsense, i'd just play her at her own game, but better.

Priority in housing waiting lists is determined
by local council allocations policies, which generally use a points or "banding" system to assess who is in the greatest housing need. While systems vary by area, most prioritize applicants based on legal, medical, and social criteria, rather than a "first come, first served" basis.

Key Factors Determining Priority

• Reasonable Preference (Legal Requirement):By law, councils must give "reasonable preference" to people in certain situations, including being legally homeless, living in overcrowded or dangerous conditions, or needing to move for health/welfare reasons.
• Banding/Points Systems: Applicants are placed into bands (e.g., Band A for urgent/emergency needs, down to Band D/E for low need).
• Local Connection: Many councils give higher priority to people who have lived in the area for a certain period (e.g., 2–5 years) or have family there.
• Time on the List: Within the same priority band, councils often order applicants by how long they have been waiting.
• Under-occupation: Council tenants who are downsizing from a house to a smaller property are often given priority

Examples of High-Priority Situations

• Emergency Situations: Threat to life, urgent need to escape domestic abuse, or needing to leave a home due to severe fire/flood damage.
• Severe Medical/Disability Needs: A health condition that is severely impacted by the current home, such as being unable to use stairs in a top-floor flat.
• Serious Overcrowding: Lacking two or more bedrooms.
• Armed Forces: Personnel with urgent housing needs, or those injured/disabled

Factors That May Lower Priority

• Rent Arrears: Having significant, unpaid rent arrears from previous social housing.
• Anti-social Behaviour: A history of antisocial behaviour or nuisance to neighbours.
• Financial Resources: Having sufficient income or savings to buy or rent a home privately.

Still waiting for you to back up your statements about social housing…..

Some good suggestions above, but I also think OP this might be a great time to start introducing critical thinking to your child - questioning where people get information from, things like media bias, propaganda, radicalisation etc. Young males are particularly potentially vulnerable to being radicalised, so equipping him with skills to think around subjects without accepting them verbatim could keep him safer - especially as he starts to be exposed to more influences and opinions outside the home.

I just asked Chatgpt. It's great, you should try it!

Don't 'Call her out', but tell her you don't agree with her and why. It's important to talk to people with different views and value them as people.

Tell him that often people like granny are misinformed by people like Nigel Farage and the Daily Mail because they like to divert attention from the real causes of problems such as tax avoidance and wealth hoarding and blame all of the problems on immigration.

I am surprised you have not talked about immigration at home before this. It is constantly in the news and we were discussing current affairs with our kids, from an early age, in age-appropriate ways.

I would just keep talking to your kids in a non-bigoted way. I suppose you have no guarantee that your mother-in-law said these exact words, or is this in character?

Perfect! If he wants the British soldiers looked after, what better gift?

Sorry-I don’t have the right glasses. I can’t see where that says that asylum seekers go to the top of the waiting list for social housing…

No, asylum seekers do not get priority for council houses and are generally ineligible for social housing while their claim is pending. They are housed in temporary Home Office accommodation. Only when granted refugee status or leave to remain can they apply, competing on the same basis as other residents.
Key details:

• Asylum Seekers: Ineligible for council housing and most public funds.
• Refugees: Once granted status, they can apply, but do not receive special priority.
• Accommodation: While waiting, asylum seekers are housed in shared accommodation or hotels arranged by the Home Office, not by local councils.

Too many people believe the far right misinformation, and demonstrate their lack of fact checking their sources.