To carry on walking to another carriage

[Liteharted]

I got the train into work today as I do a few times a week. It's a 45 minute train journey and I often use the time to catch up on work and prep for the day or I just enjoy some quiet time. This morning I was walking and passed by someone I know well on the platform. I carried on walking to the front of the train. We said hi to one another but my social battery is easily drained and I just don't feel like making small talk for 45 mins. Would you think this is rude?

Nope. I think most people want a bit of space on a busy commuter train

Nope.

Nope. They may well have wanted exactly the same. Even if they didn’t it isn’t a major issue. You can explain if they are hurt that you use your commute for prep.

Thanks! You're probably right.

Course not, also, you could be heading to a seat reservation.

If I was the one passed by you, I’d be relieved as I’m the same!

Of course not. I commute to another city periodically — a train journey of 2.5 hours. A close friend also does this route, but we always sit separately and work.

You know if people want to chat or not. A few years ago I had the same commute as a couple at work (he worked elsewhere), they were happy to chat to me on outward and internal routes and we got quite close friends. Similar with another female colleague, she liked the company I think.

I'd be really hurt, and i love to chat!
I'd think they were weird for not joining me....

I would have said sorry but that I was going to walk to the front of the train as I had some work I really needed to get finished before I arrived at the office.

Nope. I had a neighbour who went through a phase of lurking so she could walk to the station with me. It drove me nuts. That was ‘me’ time for thinking about the day ahead.

Not rude at all. One of my favourite parents at school is a dad who I walked past on the train platform, said hi, and he replied with “hello! I’m not at my best in the morning so hope you don’t mind if we just don’t speak or make small talk” and honestly, I was delighted.

Also, you don’t owe people an excuse or reason for everything. You haven’t agreed to meet up so just say hi & walk on by.

not rude

You sound exhausting to be honest. People who 'love to chat' are usually blissfully unaware that nobody else wants to hear it.

Not at all, I would do the same. It's not like you ignored them.

I love this honesty. Friendly but truthful.

I walked up to the station with a school mum a while back. We're not friends but know each other and chatted a bit. But I was so relieved when we got to the platform and she just said 'I'm going to walk down this way as I usually sit further back on the train. Nice to see you, bye' and walked off. I didn't want small talk all the way to work.

I was once travelling back from a hobby event, and two of us were taking the same trains home. She followed me around the station, but when the train was approaching I explained that I had some reading to do; she said she had something to catch up on too, and we settled amicably into seats a couple of rows apart.

When I've encountered people I know on buses/coaches, it's usually become clear fairly quickly whether they're up for a chat or had planned on a snooze/reading/whatever.

Oh god, if I'd been the person you knew, I'd have been horrified if you hadn't walked to another carriage. The last thing I want on a journey is to have to spend the whole time chatting with someone I hadn't planned to meet, even if it's someone I like.

On work trips I've been known to deliberately book a later train back than a colleague, just so I can have a couple of hours to myself.

They were probably relieved. Not rude. Unless it was a very close friend.

This. I love the half hour or so on the train doing Wordle, checking MN or reading the Metro. Someone I used to work with but don’t really know (she was receptionist at a clinic but I rarely needed to interact with her) “joined” me on the platform yesterday so we sat together and made “hospital visiting” type chat. After she said “I get this train every day so I’ll probably see you tomorrow” - I’m now getting the earlier train!

No, not rude.

I'd have been relieved if I'd been that person and you'd done that. I'd have done the same.

Is this sarcasm? You’d be hurt??

And this is precisely why it wasn't rude!

I don't want to hear anyone else's unsolicited inane ramblings just because we happened to be catching the same train.

Someone I 'know well' isn't the same as 'my closest friend', who I probably would sit with after checking it was OK with her first. And neither of us would think it 'weird' if the other was looking forward to a quiet journey.

But never on the way to/from work

I'd definitely walk on by rather than stop and share a carriage. Also, if I were the other person in your scenario, @Liteharted and you didn't walk on by, I would feel like you were imposing on me in a way that was a bit insensitive if not actually rude.

However, if I were the other person in your scenario and you did walk on by, I would feel worried that I was a horrible person that you disliked and wanted to avoid. That's crazy and perverse, isn't it! I want you to walk on by, I would walk on by, I would think you a bit rude if you didn't walk on by. But I still manage to construct a narrative that frets and worries and craves reassurance in the face of your decision to walk on by.

I think you would fret and worry, too, if you were the other person? And that is why you are worried that you have accidentally been rude?

There's no perfect solution, I think, except to remember that an awful lot of people aren't angsty and wouldn't really care what you did one way or the other.

If they made no attempt to engage other than "morning" then don't worry about it

No. They may well have been relieved you walked on for the same reason - they want to read their book, do some work, decompress, etc.