To carry on walking to another carriage

[Liteharted]

I got the train into work today as I do a few times a week. It's a 45 minute train journey and I often use the time to catch up on work and prep for the day or I just enjoy some quiet time. This morning I was walking and passed by someone I know well on the platform. I carried on walking to the front of the train. We said hi to one another but my social battery is easily drained and I just don't feel like making small talk for 45 mins. Would you think this is rude?

I expect they went home to their partner and told them about how you were standing offish at the station 😉

No, it wasn't rude and if I'd been the other person I wouldn't have thought it was rude either. You might have had a seat reservation further up the train, or just preferred that carriage for being near the exit at the end, or wanted to do some work or whatever. I would never take it as a slight or think you were rude.

I think most people that commute regularly recognise that lots of people use the time for work, reading and quiet time and wouldn't be at all offended that you moved up the platform. They may also have been quite relieved.

I've used the 'not a morning person' or 'have some emails to send' lines before and I would hope that nobody thought i was rude. I've also booked earlier/later trains to avoid travelling long distances with work colleagues.

I used to smile when I saw a group of commuters on one of my regular trains who would pretty much ignore each other all week but then travel back on a Friday and share a bottle of fizz. That felt like the perfect compromise!

A friend of mine saw the woman who was the P1 teacher at our local primary school (now retired) who taught both our children and had already taught that friend decades before on the bus and said hello to her. Teacher responded, without looking up, with "I AM READING A BOOK !". Friend was rather amused by it. I can totally understand it, she would have known everyone in our and the neighbouring villages who had children at school for the past 30+ years, she would never get to sit and read a book on the bus, there would always be someone on the bus who knew her and wanted to chat.

Just because you love to chat, that doesn't mean other people are obliged to entertain you.

You must have one hell of an ego if you think it's 'weird' that someone wouldn't want to spend 45 minutes chatting with you.

I'd be avoiding you like the plague tbh

** stand offish

So a proper friend of yours?? Have you seen them socially recently.
Honestly, if it was a good friend that I don’t see that often I’d be pretty hurt if all I got was a ‘hi’ and ‘bye’ without any other explanation or conversation.
I think walking straight past someone you ‘know well’ without engaging in conversation is a bit odd.

When i used to drive to different towns in my job, some colleagues would also be going. My worst nightmare is if someone would suggest to share... I used to make up child responsibilities or doctor appointments as an excuse to avoid having to share. My space, my talking book etc. And im generally sociable. You did the right thing

I'm glad I don't know you. I'd hate thinking I had to spend "quiet time" engaged in small talk with someone I know. I love the peace and quiet and being able to retreat into my own mind. It's the same on my canal walks which I do every day, I know lots of people who are also walking, but barely ever stop to chat etc - we're all doing "our own thing", some are walking fast for exercise and wouldn't want to be slowed down by a slow walker, some are walking their dogs so maybe have time to chat, but others are walking to/from work, or school etc and just want to get on with it. No one seems to think anything of it - we're all pretty good at "reading the signs" when we either don't want to stop or when we do. If someone is striding purposely with a pretty quick walk, it's pretty obvious they're not wanting to stop, but if someone else is stood watching, say, a Kingfisher, they're "game" for a quick stop and chat. Likewise dog walkers don't want "small talk" when their dog has done a massive smelly poo and they're trying to pick it up!!

Do you lack theory of mind? You may love to chat, the other person may not be so keen. Or the other person may love to chat, but not first thing in the morning, or when they're trying to finish something for work, or when they normally spend their train journey peacefully reading their Kindle. None of this is 'weird', and none of it is anything at all to you with you, unless you feel your preferences should take precedence over theirs?

Social battery?? Whatever next...i think im getting too old!

No. My two colleagues and I always say how we avoid people travelling home. It's our personal time.

Not interested in listening to irrelevant chat or gossip. It's boring.

OP is not weird or rude.

When I am travelling, especially if I am on my own, I enjoy just doing my own thing and having some "me" time. I don't want to be regaled with someone else's inane witterings/drivel.

If it was someone you were very friendly with but hadn't seen for a while then it would be a bit pointed and rude but, otherwise, many people prefer peace and quiet on their journey and would be relieved not to have to chat.

It wasn't the kind of train where you have seat reservations but I do usually go to a particular carriage.

She's not really a friend but we are friendly. I see her a lot as she lives nearby and our DHs are friends as they used to work together.

I would have done the same - don’t feel bad about it.

What do you mean, ‘whatever next’? The concept of people wanting a bit of peace and quiet now and again isn’t new. It’s a just an ordinary human instinct that applies to most people at some point. Very few people want to be chatting to acquaintances 24/7. Most people need a bit of time to themselves to have a break from company. That’s all.

Not unreasonable.

I used to get on the same train as a colleague who I got on well with every morning for 3 years. Apart from a nod and a hello, we ignored each other.

We both discussed it and agreed that we don’t want to spend our morning commute chatting. We want quiet time and to read and agreed not to chat.

Yes really hurt if it was a close friend.. I'd assume I'd done something wrong...

I didn't say the Op was weird...I said I'd think the situation was weird, but the latest op post says friend not that close so that's different!

People who ‘love to chat’ usually mean by that…gossip, or chat about inane shit like Love Island or whether Gemma has lost weight…

Ah okay yeah it would be different then.

I'd be glad.

In fact I'd be gutted if you joined me as I also like my time to myself.

Nope. When I went to the office regularly I got the same train as a colleague. We'd chat while we waited for the train, then both get our books out once sat down.
I think this must be pretty normal as I had to travel for a work event, and then a few of us were getting the same train back. We all ended up separating in the station then standing far enough apart on the platform to end up in different carriages.