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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put 2yo in with older boys?

67 replies

RoomDynamics · 02/03/2026 15:47

I have 5 dc, my eldest (dd) has her own room downstairs. My eldest boy (12) has his own room the smallest then ds 5 and ds 4 share and im planning on buying bunk beds in the future there's only 16 months between them so they have always shared

i have a 2yo boy that is currently in with me in his cot still (he only turned 2 at the end of december so is a young 2 iyswim) but i think him knowing im there unsettles him he barely sleeps and wants a bottle through the night which i think is for comfort as he has a bottle before bed so he isnt thirsty and then wants to get in my bed but still doesnt settle and it's causing issues during the day with constant whinging and crying and then gets really overtired so it's a cycle

i was hesitant to put him in with the older boys as he still seems a baby in many ways maybe that's just me as he is the youngest but 3 in a room seems so cramped esp with his cot and i don't want him in a proper bed as i can image him getting up and wanting to play with their toys and disturbing them plus they have lego in a set of toy drawers which is a hazard in with a 2 year old around during the night with no supervision

wwyd?

OP posts:
Original poster
RoomDynamics · 02/03/2026 23:01

Again the bottle before bed isnt the issue my other children had a night time bottle before bed at 2 and slept through and didnt expect a middle of the night bottle (their teeth are also fine) i just feel like because he can see me he wants a bottle and it is exhausting as it's affecting his behaviour as he's overtired and I'm obviously getting little sleep too whilst still driving and caring for my other dc

i can't sleep on a sofa bed due to health issues

OP posts:
stichguru · 02/03/2026 23:24

ThejoyofNC · 02/03/2026 15:49

You cannot have 3 children sharing one bedroom whilst allowing your 2 other children to have their own bedrooms. That isn't fair.

Normally I'd agree with you, but given the age gaps I don't. Surely having a 5,4&2 year old in together who will probably go to bed around the same time and play similar things, makes way more sense than any of them sharing with a 12 year old who will be doing homework, up a lot later and playing differently?

If the elder two were the same sex, OP could put the older 2 in together and either the 2 youngest could share or the 4&5 year old could share, but is it really appropriate to have a teen boy and teen girl sharing?

Tink3rbell30 · 02/03/2026 23:33

If you're single then he can just share with you.

Needspaceforlego · 02/03/2026 23:36

Op I think I'd go cold turkey on the middle of the night bottles.

I'd keep the 2 yo with you until hes reliably sleeping through, then put him in with the 5 and 4 yo, or give the 3 boys the biggest room.

I don't think its appropriate for the teen boy to be sharing with any of the young kids. He's going to need his room and space for studying.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/03/2026 23:57

I have to say I think it’s a bit shitty that people are suggesting the OP (as a single parent) has less need of a bedroom or privacy than a couple!

Yes, the children’s needs should come first and I have said above that I think OP should keep sharing with her youngest for now.

But the couple of people who’ve chipped in with “oh you’re a single Mum, in which case you don’t need any space of your own at all - a couple would of course - you can just sleep on a sofa/ sofa bed (wouldn’t expect that of a man or a couple of course) but you don’t deserve anything at all!” - that’s really not right, and I feel it’s borne of a desire to belittle the OP for being a single Mum.

She can’t help that her husband decided to up and leave once they’d already got a fifth child on the way! Prince amongst men as he sounds.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2026 00:00

Tink3rbell30 · 02/03/2026 23:33

If you're single then he can just share with you.

As he could if his parents were a couple!

Couples don’t need to be using their bedroom for anything but sleeping any more than single people do.

Eenameenadeeka · 03/03/2026 00:04

It sounds like he's maybe not quite ready, with not sleeping too well yet (don't want him waking the others) and the hazard of the Legos and things. So I think I'd keep him with you a while longer, and then when you do move him out of your room, you take the smaller room, and the 3 sharing get the biggest room?

Unexpectedlysinglemum · 03/03/2026 00:10

I let my three year old sleep with me even though he has his own empty bedroom!

Lavender14 · 03/03/2026 00:19

I think your current set up is the best at the moment until your littlest is a bit older and you can trust him around the things in the other boys room. Alternatively you'd need to toddler proof their bedroom and create that space elsewhere which might be tough to do. The real issue here is the amount you're juggling and lack of sleep. Is there anyone who's around you that can do some babysitting in the week to let you get your head down even for a couple of hours? I'm sorry your ex left you in such a crap position. Do they pay towards the kids and have you calculated it off cms? Would they pay extra to put a better roof over the kids head? Do they take the kids overnight or such to give you a break at all? I'm a lone parent and it's hard enough with 1 never mind 4. Sometimes when I'm feeling really burnt out I do book time off work or juggle my flexi to give myself a break while mine is in nursery. Would something like that be an option? You're really in the trenches op but you're doing great and it won't last forever.

Needspaceforlego · 03/03/2026 00:23

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/03/2026 23:57

I have to say I think it’s a bit shitty that people are suggesting the OP (as a single parent) has less need of a bedroom or privacy than a couple!

Yes, the children’s needs should come first and I have said above that I think OP should keep sharing with her youngest for now.

But the couple of people who’ve chipped in with “oh you’re a single Mum, in which case you don’t need any space of your own at all - a couple would of course - you can just sleep on a sofa/ sofa bed (wouldn’t expect that of a man or a couple of course) but you don’t deserve anything at all!” - that’s really not right, and I feel it’s borne of a desire to belittle the OP for being a single Mum.

She can’t help that her husband decided to up and leave once they’d already got a fifth child on the way! Prince amongst men as he sounds.

Edited

None of it is ideal.

He certainly can't share with the sister.
The older brother isn't much better. He needs study space.
He's likely to wake the other little boys. And they'll have tiny bits of lego and other toys.

So process of elimination that leaves mums bedroom.

She needs to get him reliably STTN before she considers anything or the other kids will end up sleep deprived too.

Mossstitch · 03/03/2026 00:24

None of mine had bottles so not sure how to advise on this part (perhaps put water in it instead and he might think not worth waking up for) but............I did see a fantastic triple bunk which had the bottom two beds at right angles to each, in a corner and with only one above for the eldest. It also had solid headboards and sides so each had a certain amount of privacy and the steps up to the top one were drawers. That could work when he's out of his cot.

Iocanepowder · 03/03/2026 01:47

No way would i pur him in with his brothers until he is sleeping better.

Have you considered speaking to a sleep consultant about the issue op? You have a phone call for £50 where i live. Really helped with one of my kids.

Whaleandsnail6 · 03/03/2026 07:13

I think this is unfair on the other kids. He could end up disturbing them

I'd get rid of the bottle before bed. That way he doesn't need it for comfort if he wakes in the night.

I'd get rid of the cot as well and put him in a single bed in my room and let him just climb in with me in the middle of the night for the time being.

If he knows there isn't a bottle coming and he can just snuggle in with mum, not really any need to whinge and he can settle next to you. But then I co-slept with my youngest until they were 3 and then they went into a room with their brother, both in single beds.

Tink3rbell30 · 03/03/2026 09:05

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 03/03/2026 00:00

As he could if his parents were a couple!

Couples don’t need to be using their bedroom for anything but sleeping any more than single people do.

Show quote history

Yes I agree. I mean space wise there is plenty of space to share with no partner there so not sure why this is even a question from the OP.

Bearbookagainandagain · 03/03/2026 10:08

I don't think moving bedroom will really solve the night bottle issue, and it will be disruptive for the other children, so personally I wouldn't do that.

You could try a few "sleepovers" on weekends or holidays? My kids loved inviting each other to their bedroom for the night, we just put a mattress on the floor. And if it didn't work out we just moved them back to their room.

The sweet spot was when youngest was about 2.5, and they managed to spend a week of holiday sharing a room without problems. We moved them to 1 bedroom after that.

Your current set up seems the best at the moment, you just need to be firm on the night bottle - we had to for both our kids but did it when they were much younger. It will be hard for a few days but it will work out.

Zivvy · 03/03/2026 10:11

RoomDynamics · 02/03/2026 23:01

Again the bottle before bed isnt the issue my other children had a night time bottle before bed at 2 and slept through and didnt expect a middle of the night bottle (their teeth are also fine) i just feel like because he can see me he wants a bottle and it is exhausting as it's affecting his behaviour as he's overtired and I'm obviously getting little sleep too whilst still driving and caring for my other dc

i can't sleep on a sofa bed due to health issues

Yes it probably is because he can see you. So you need to go cold turkey. Tell him no more milk at night, and mean it. Don't give in when it gets hard! It'll quite likely take about three nights before he sleeps through, maybe slightly longer.

Does your ex take the kids at weekends or anything? Or anyone else who could help? If so, start on a Fri night, and stop the night bottles. Cuddle him, sing, stroke etc, but absolutely no milk. You won't get much sleep the first night, so make sure someone can look after the younger kids on Sat morning for at least four hours so you can sleep. Then repeat on Saturday night. Hopefully by Sunday night things will be much improved and you'll get some sleep, but it might be wise to book Monday off work if you can.

I know it seems daunting, but a few days of serious effort and then you could all be sleeping sweetly. It's worth it.

Original poster
RoomDynamics · 03/03/2026 10:29

No it's just me no other family and ex doesn't have them at all overnight and very rarely sees them in the day and he never has youngest if he takes the others places as he makes things harder. He goes to nursery but only 3 hours in the morning and term time and I cant sleep then as i have other things to do and by the time i get home its time to pick him up

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