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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To put 2yo in with older boys?

67 replies

RoomDynamics · 02/03/2026 15:47

I have 5 dc, my eldest (dd) has her own room downstairs. My eldest boy (12) has his own room the smallest then ds 5 and ds 4 share and im planning on buying bunk beds in the future there's only 16 months between them so they have always shared

i have a 2yo boy that is currently in with me in his cot still (he only turned 2 at the end of december so is a young 2 iyswim) but i think him knowing im there unsettles him he barely sleeps and wants a bottle through the night which i think is for comfort as he has a bottle before bed so he isnt thirsty and then wants to get in my bed but still doesnt settle and it's causing issues during the day with constant whinging and crying and then gets really overtired so it's a cycle

i was hesitant to put him in with the older boys as he still seems a baby in many ways maybe that's just me as he is the youngest but 3 in a room seems so cramped esp with his cot and i don't want him in a proper bed as i can image him getting up and wanting to play with their toys and disturbing them plus they have lego in a set of toy drawers which is a hazard in with a 2 year old around during the night with no supervision

wwyd?

OP posts:
ThejoyofNC · 02/03/2026 16:43

Riverflow6 · 02/03/2026 16:09

Can you wait until daughter moves out at 18? How long away is that

An awful lot of people don't move out at 18 anymore.

Imanautumn · 02/03/2026 16:44

ThejoyofNC · 02/03/2026 15:49

You cannot have 3 children sharing one bedroom whilst allowing your 2 other children to have their own bedrooms. That isn't fair.

Yes she can if that’s what works. She’s the parent she can do what she likes.

Trusttheawesomeness · 02/03/2026 16:45

What was your plan when you and your husband/partner started trying for a 5th?
Though, the way you talk about the 2 year old climbing in your bed instead of “our” bed makes it sound like there is no man. Where are the dads of all the kids? Can any of them go and live with a dad?

Original poster
RoomDynamics · 02/03/2026 16:51

There is no “dads”. Just one dad i find that assumption quite rude tbh

OP posts:
Purplecatshopaholic · 02/03/2026 16:58

If your room is big enough for the two year old, I suggest you keep him in with you a bit longer. Might be a bit of a contraceptive if you are thinking about number six, tbh. No one will get any sleep with the three boys sharing a room. Obvs the girl gets her own room, preferably the smallest one, just for logistics. You juggle the others in the space available. What was the plan as they grow op? It’s only going to get more difficult as they get older and need their own space. Are you still with the dad, if not can he help out?

Comedycook · 02/03/2026 17:00

I'm generally not one to have a go at someone for how many children they have, but this was your decision op, so therefore i believe you being disturbed during the night is something you need to deal with yourself rather than expecting older children to.

Trusttheawesomeness · 02/03/2026 17:17

RoomDynamics · 02/03/2026 16:51

There is no “dads”. Just one dad i find that assumption quite rude tbh

So… what was your plan when the two of you tried for a 5th? Because you don’t have a big enough home for 5 kids, and I don’t know any stable couple who had another child without planning where that child would sleep.

Zivvy · 02/03/2026 17:19

I don't think there's any issue with three young children sharing, if they all still sleep well. Obviously you absolutely must sort out the 2yo's night waking first. Time to ditch the night feeds!

I've got two in one room, and a third on the way. The two share a room and love it, and once the third sleeps through reliably they are going in there too. There is space elsewhere in the house for their toys so it's just for sleeping. It's not a long term solution but it's fine for wee ones.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/03/2026 17:21

I wouldn’t put a 2 yo who’s up all night in with other children. That doesn’t seem sensible as he’ll keep them up.

I do follow your logic re having the much older two in their own rooms.

Can he just start the night in bed with you? Might mean less waking. Or would a toddler bed in your room be better than the cot?

Is your 13 yo in what would be the living room or do you have the scope to fmove into the living room yourself when your youngest is a bit older and you need to separate the kids out a bit?

Edit - I agree with ditching the night feeds though. The way I did it with dd (she’s now 17!) was that I gave her water rather than milk for a few nights and that sorted it. I can’t remember how old she was at this point - somewhere between 1 and 2 I think (she had been a sick baby so wasn’t appropriate to do it sooner). I know lots of people just go through a few nights of being very disturbed giving now - rocking them back to sleep or whatever - and then they stop waking up for milk.

IceStationZebra · 02/03/2026 17:26

goz · 02/03/2026 15:56

It’s quite a new thing for people to be obsessed with children having their own rooms. Not everyone thinks it’s necessary or even ideal.

Show quote history

It does sound grim to have five children in a cramped 4-bed, though. I hate sharing a room and hate the idea of any child having to share a room.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/03/2026 17:26

RoomDynamics · 02/03/2026 16:51

There is no “dads”. Just one dad i find that assumption quite rude tbh

It’s the big gap that probably made people think that. I get that even with a 5 year gap between my two children - people assume they’re not from the same relationship as obviously no one could want a 5 year gap (we didn’t either, wanted two but closer together - not hugely fertile I guess!)

Is their Dad also living in this house? Does that contribute to the logistics re bedrooms and what can fit in your room in terms of a toddler bed etc?

NeedAdvice6432 · 02/03/2026 17:31

You shouldn't do that to the other children, it's not fair. And instead of you being the one that disrupts him, it will be the others.

You need to tackle the night bottle first. He shouldn't be having bottles at all, it's very bad for teeth. I'd reduce the milk in the bottle more and more and after a few days offer a cup of water. He'll be angry but you need to get through it.

WhatNoRaisins · 02/03/2026 17:41

I think this 2 year needs to be sleeping better before I'd consider this.

Original poster
RoomDynamics · 02/03/2026 17:41

circumstances change

We had a 3 bedroom house initially and had our older 2 and then we moved to a 4 bed and tried for no 3 + had him and then had a surprise pregnancy with number 4

We were looking at bigger or looking to buy and to extend if needed while ttc youngest in the meantime then i got pregnant quite fast we still planned to love until he split with me one day while i was 26 wks pregnant it wasnt due to an OW either and he did stay living with us for a while but then LL was selling and i couldnt afford another 4 bed rental and so we got a 3 bed and dd’s room is what the dining doom was

i don't mind giving him a bottle before bed but my thinking is he obviously knows i give him bottles and thats all he asks for a “botbot” in his words but his siblings dont so i was wondering if he would sleep through with them as he doesnt associate them with having a bottle

i don't think him being in a cot is the issue

OP posts:
Coffeislife · 02/03/2026 17:46

So you buy a sofa bed for living room put the 2 boys sharing in the biggest room , baby in smallest

Hankunamatata · 02/03/2026 18:14

Your a single mum?

Id sleep in sitting room and leave dc in the cot in your room for the moment

jeaux90 · 02/03/2026 18:41

Just share with the toddler. I’m a lone parent and co-slept until DD was 4.

Isthateveryonethen · 02/03/2026 18:48

If you’re single then why can’t you just share with him? I’m struggling to understand your dilemma here? Get rid of his cot and let him sleep with you? Genuinely confused why YOU need a room to yourself?

SouthLondonMum22 · 02/03/2026 18:50

RoomDynamics · 02/03/2026 17:41

circumstances change

We had a 3 bedroom house initially and had our older 2 and then we moved to a 4 bed and tried for no 3 + had him and then had a surprise pregnancy with number 4

We were looking at bigger or looking to buy and to extend if needed while ttc youngest in the meantime then i got pregnant quite fast we still planned to love until he split with me one day while i was 26 wks pregnant it wasnt due to an OW either and he did stay living with us for a while but then LL was selling and i couldnt afford another 4 bed rental and so we got a 3 bed and dd’s room is what the dining doom was

i don't mind giving him a bottle before bed but my thinking is he obviously knows i give him bottles and thats all he asks for a “botbot” in his words but his siblings dont so i was wondering if he would sleep through with them as he doesnt associate them with having a bottle

i don't think him being in a cot is the issue

Edited

The bottle is causing the issue though. At 2, he is too old for bottles anyway and wouldn't wake up looking for a bottle if he didn't have them in the first place.

I'd get a sofa bed for the living room and you sleep there. I wouldn't cram 3 kids into 1 bedroom including one who doesn't sleep, it isn't fair.

tinyspiny · 02/03/2026 18:55

Stop giving him bottles and the issue will stop and that includes the bottle before bed . At 2 he is too old for bottles , give him milk during the day and water at night , once you’ve done it a few times and refused to give him milk or bottles he will stop asking although granted you may have a few bad nights getting there . Then keep him in with you until he can sleep through before moving him in with the others .

Hall84 · 02/03/2026 18:56

How tall are the ceilings OP? I have a triple bunk in DDs room, the bottom bunk is almost on the floor. Might be an option if you can share until the eldest is 6 (according to the instructions this is the age requirement for the top bunk). If you wait 12 months there might be less knock-on effect for all 3 being awake at the same time.

Bitzee · 02/03/2026 19:08

3 kids that are all the same sex and within 3 years of each other can absolutely share. However, you can’t put a non sleeping toddler in with the others if he’ll disturb them, nor can you have them unsupervised in a room that contains choking hazards e.g. lego and other small part toys, even in a cot as he could climb out at any point. I would keep the 2YO in with you, tackle the sleeping, stop the bottles overnight and plan to move him in with his brothers when he’s 3+ so fine to be in a bed/not at risk of choking and sleeping through the night.

Whataninterestinglookingpotato · 02/03/2026 19:28

Is it a private rental? If it’s housing association you could look at splitting a room. They will often allow this but a private rental not so much.

i guess you could use free standing room dividers to give him his own “room” with in your room if that would work?

ArcticSkua · 02/03/2026 19:35

I don't see a problem with the three little ones sharing IF he starts sleeping well, but what if he doesn't? What if he carries on waking up throughout the night and disturbing his siblings? I think weaning him off the bottle at night first is the way to go.

ScarlettSarah · 02/03/2026 19:41

Three boys sharing, all close in age, is fine. I wouldn't put him in while he's still not sleeping well, and I'm not convinced it would make him sleep any better. It's the night bottles that are the issue. Tbh I'd keep him with you a while longer anyway seeing as it's just the two of you in the room. Sorry to hear about the difficult circumstances that have led you here.