To change school for friendships

[Catherine468]

My daughter is in year 5, aged 9. She’s been in this class with these classmates for several years but doesn’t have a reliable friendship group. She’s the odd man out in a group of three, the other two often whispering to each other and telling her if and when and how she can play.
im wondering if it would be totally mad and unreadonable to consider moving her to another local school, primarily for reasons of friendship. Our school is average and the ones around are similar.
it feels risky and could go either way I guess, she could be the new kid in a class of established friendships who can’t break in, or she might find some better friends.
Aibu to consider it?

@Catherine468 why wouldn't you let her move.

If she was desperately unhappy it would be an easy decision. But she’s not. She generally likes school, but does say she struggles with someone to play with at break times.

Could she change to other class in year 6? I’d let her visit local schools and have a look then let her choose

Came here to say this.
Part of tjis is the changes that start around end year 4 and beginning year 5. Kids and their relationships shift and you get this Queen Bee thing starting and the equivalent in boys. I had this with both my kids and I know other parents whose kids were going through this at the same time as mine.
my son moved class (although I considered a school move) and it did help.
With my daughter we did loads of play dates, with my son I did far fewer. Didn’t seem to make much difference to this happening. I will say that my daughter went through a huge friendship fracture at the end of year 4/5. She made new friends in junior and one of those friends remains her best friend even though they went to different secondary schools.
It‘s horrible; but this too shall pass.

Unfortunately it’s a one class year group

They’re adult vocabulary but they describe the disruptive behaviour accurately. Children love phrases like, “If you don’t…I will…” because it’s all they have to control situations. They tell tales because they want others to solve their problems. Somewhere there will be a MNer complaining about their child’s stable friendship being upended by another girl trying to usurp her.

Your job is to give your daughter tools to mend these friendship problems sensibly without your intervention, and certainly nothing as drastic as taking her out of school.

Make more of an effort to socialise with the other parents (not banter on Whatsapp, because that’s not something she can see for herself), and set up some activity playdates with new kids. Take it slowly so the friendships develop through shared interests and goals. It’s not dissimilar to dating - take your time and get to know others properly. Respect their boundaries. Reciprocate their efforts. Choose people who choose you.

If your child is unhappy it is worth it. I think it's a conversation otherwise with your child if you've exhausted all other alternatives.

I made the move. The dynamics you mentioned were a 50% contribution towards the move. But I did this in yr 2 and there were some serious other causes for concern.

It's worked well! I'd your child confident with change?

Was in this position myself and considered moving dd. Decided not to and basically threw everything at trying to make things better for her at school. So I did lots of play dates etc, had to grit my teeth a lot as I didn’t like most of the girls but it was just about getting through it and trying to come out with a child that had a decent school experience. I also made a nuisance of myself at school- had to go in quite a bit to damage control certain situations. School were in the habit of allowing the kids to do pair and group work, picking partners themselves and dd would often get left out. I told the teachers they should be planning their groups. School trips were also an issue so I would email in advance of these to ensure she had someone to sit with on the coach etc. It was hard. Things seem better now at secondary where she’s found girls more on her wave length

FYI I would have moved her but she didn’t want to move. I don’t think it would be a disaster if you did decide to move her. Depends how bad things are at her current t school

10 weeks on from this thread…. Update
situation has stayed the same but she is begging to move. I’ve had a look around another school where she already has a good friend. The class is much smaller, and most of the girls have joined in the last couple of years so friendships not so set in concrete. School has big ethos of wellbeing and kindness. She’s having a taster day this week!