To not want to do this? Nursery

[Thriftaholic]

I have a DD in mainstream school that I drop and collect, and a DS in a special needs school who takes a passenger services school bus that collects him from home and drops him off at home in the afternoon.

I also have a 4yo (nursery age, starts full time school in September)

I've been trying to get my 4yo in to the nursery based in my DD's school since last year as his nursery closed without notice.

Finally he has been offered a place but the offer is for afternoons, 5 days a week, 11.45 until 3.45. Fixed hours.

DD finishes at 3.20 so I'd need to hang around at the school for 25 minutes after she comes out, to wait for my 4yo, meaning I won't be home to collect my DS from his bus. I just about make it home in time with the 'normal' school run getting DD.

Also, If he takes the place as its offered it means I will be going back and forth to the school three times a day. I don't drive so take the bus.

I'm self employed so whilst it's technically possible it's going to be bloody stressful (I'm neurodivergent and have some health problems - I feel overwhelmed just thinking about it) 😐

I have a DH present but he works FT nights which are not school-friendly. He doesn't get to bed until around 11am most days. He could possibly get up for DS' bus a couple of days a week but there's no way he could do 5. He doesn't get anywhere near the sleep he needs.

What we wanted from nursery (and applied for) was the 15 hours spread across two days which is what his last nursery did.

DH said we will make this offer work but I feel it's going to cause more hassle than it is help and I'd be better off just keeping him at home.

He thinks we should proceed and take the place as its good for DS and he really enjoyed it when he went for his taster days. He thinks most people would just accept it and make it work.

Would you? AIBU? WWYD?

I wouldn't do this. Find a childminder instead, they're usually a lot more flexible with hours.

Nursery schools around us only do full days or half days with fixed hours.

Find a childminder who's hours they have available works for you

when I had this predicament I had a childminder who was already collecting another child from the school pick up my earliest child. I then went out to pick up the later child from nursery, plus the earlier child from the childminders. This means you can be in to let school bus child in, then set off collecting other children.

Can you not just pick up at 3.20 instead? My child’s place is 8.30-5.30 but you can drop off realistically between 8.30-9 and pickups start at 4.30. Just means you’re paying for some time they’re not present.

Could you put your 4 year old on nursery from 9am or whenever your DD starts? Even if its for a couple of days a week?

It's not ideal but then won't your 4 year old be starting school in September? You're looking at 1 1/2 terms (18 weeks). Could you do a mix of DH helping a day a week, taxi on one day, longer day another?

You won't be the only person with a nursery age child and a child in the main school. So what does everyone else do? Having to get back for your other child excepted, anyone else with just afternoons will have the same issues as you.

Can you identify one of these parents in the same situation and agree to share drop offs and pick ups?

With nursery.you.can pick up whenever you want. It's not the same as school. Tell them it's for childcare reasons. I am however a bit bemused that because your husband works nights he has a complete get out of jail for any child drop offs or pick ups or even being awake when your son gets back. Can he not take your DD to school before he goes to bed at 11am?

Thanks for the replies

He did an induction session last week (Friday) which was for a full day. That in itself caused some confusion as I couldn't understand why they had him in for a full day but were only offering half.

I tried to collect him at 3.20 when I picked up my daughter but was told no, I'd have to wait until 3.45. Baffling.

I then wasn't able to get through to passenger services on the phone to let my eldest DS' bus driver know I was running late and wouldn't be there in time. He's autistic and any chance to his routine causes big problems. Thankfully I got through eventually and they dropped a couple of other kids off first.

I haven't been able to catch the head of early years to discuss any of this as she's so busy. I have sent an email though and I'm going to try and catch her this afternoon.

Do childminders accept the 15 hours funding?

When does your husband get home from work? Does he drive?

Childminders do accept the 15 hours funding.
I would accept the place for maybe two afternoons only. Speak to the head of EY about picking up early, your DH does one afternoon letting DS in and you leave early or use a CM for the others. Also point out to the head of EY that it's really difficult to have only afternoons and if they can do the taster day for all day Friday then you'd like all day Friday please.

Could your eldest DS's bus route sensibly be changed to accommodate you getting home later, or would this mean a lot of back and forth for the bus driver?

just accept 2 days and when in system maybe you can change. and on those days you hubby can meet the bus

Can you contact them?

They may have offered someone mornings when afternoons would suit them better, so they may agree to swap.

I have contacted them yes, I've had a response from admin but it was just confirming that the offer remained 11.45am - 3.45pm 5 days pw, as I sent an email on Friday asking what days he was given (there was no debrief after his induction day, I didnt know when they wanted him back in)

I didn't hear back until almost noon today, so I think they were expecting him in, but that wasn't communicated with me.

I tried to catch the head of early years last week and couldn't, I found a direct email address for her and sent an email I'm just waiting to hear back.

Poor comms all round at the moment.

I didn't use the school nursery for similar reasons. My dd went to other private nursery and playgroup that suited better

I’d do it. It’s for 6 months and sounds as though it would support school transition for your 4 year old. Any reason you can’t take 4 year old out a little early? Also sounds like a good opportunity for 1:1 with your dd.

Can’t your husband drop DD off in the morning and also just open the door to accept your DS back from his transport rather than you having to be home.

Totally bizarre that nursery won’t allow you to take your own child home - I pay until 6pm every day for my DD’s nursery and DS’s after school club because my job is totally unpredictable. Most days I get them at 5-5:30 because I’m able to and it gives more time for tea and the evening routine. They certainly don’t keep them hostage until the exact end time of the day!

Nah that's terrible. If your DH is so keen on it, he can do those pick ups. But it's a weird time in the middle of the day, poor kid won't settle very well either.

It's 30 funded hours now rather than 15, I would definitely use a childminder instead! Good luck

Not bizarre for a school nursery - ours doesn’t allow parents to drop off or pick up at random points. It’s structured so a kid disappearing twenty minutes early would consistently miss tidy up time and story, would unsettle all the other kids and also causes problems as an adult has to help them find their stuff and sign them out rather than doing what they’re meant to be doing. They expect them dropped off promptly at a set start time too. It’s not like a daycare nursery or after school club.

We didn't use school nursery for ds3 because the times were too rigid and didn't fit our day. He went to a private nursery instead.

Is there any advantage to your ds being in school nursery when it comes to a school place? Does being in the attached nursery make a primary place more likely? If so then I guess you have to muddle through. If not then don't send him if it's going to be too hard.

We had different finishing times in early primary. I found it annoying but the kids loved it. They played around in the playground. So it's not terrible. And you're hopefully past the worst of the weather for hanging around outdoors.

But I didn't have the complication of having to be home at a certain time.

I would either -

Just not send him because it's too complicated

Send him because it benefits his future school place and muddle along somehow

Send him because dh wants him to go and make dh get out of bed to see to older kids getting home

Fair enough, wonder why it doesn’t finish when school does in that case and 25 minutes later because there must be lots in OP’s boat!

That's so bizarre, I imagine any other parents with siblings at the school must also find it really frustrating especially as school aged kids often have clubs and things to get to.

Personally, I'd look elsewhere. I do think some kind of playgroup/pre school/nursery is good for 3 and 4 year olds to get them into routine and group activities before school. However, I have an autistic son too, and I think the potential for this to impact his routine would be really high and could be a nightmare, especially with a tired dad having to cope at home, as im imagining if he has needs that require a special school it isn't just a case of opening the door to let him in, and at times there might be lots of parenting and support required If he is dysregulated or something has happened that upset him during his school day. That to me sounds like a recipe for disaster (equally, if dh is that keen on the pre school place then maybe he just has to suck all that up).

I'd probably try and find a childminder or other pre school type setting that will accept the 15 hrs and help the 4 yo transition to a more school like environment, plus presumably that helps you with work if he's not at home? I wouldn't personally try and juggle the suggested 3.45 finish, it's giving me anxiety thinking about the rush home and hoping all is OK with your disabled son plus all the bus journeys etc. You'll spend your whole time on child logistics.

I wouldn’t use it, I’d just start him in reception in September.

I managed to catch the head this afternoon.

They're not able to accommodate two full days as they're already over capacity but after a discussion they are happy for him to do two half days a week (which is what I asked for once full days were ruled out)

DH will deal with DS1's bus on those days.

As nice as it would be for him for him to be there, 4 round trips a day 5 days a week is just too much. My work would suffer and I'd be permanently stressed.

A good resolution all round 🙂