To not let my 12 year old hand around in the town centre

[Twooclockrock]

12 year old son is in a huge mood as we have said no to letting him go and hang around in the town centre with friends.
A teen family member was stabbed two weeks ago nearby but not in the town centre (non life threatening) , his cousin was mugged in the town centre not long ago, and a friends son age 17 was approached by a group of kids who produced a knife and told him to get out of their area only three weeks ago.
Plus we have had several letters home from school saying to stay out of the highstreets due to the school wars thing going on this past week.
London suburbs, relatively nice area but bordered by some not so nice areas and the town centre is a known hang out for gangs.
It feels so restricting and mean to say no, but I am concerned for his safety and think it's not worth it.
Do you let your tween/tern hang out in the toen centre? Ie walk around the shops, grab some food etc? It used to be the main event of a saturday for me when I was his age.

@JonesTown if you don’t understand the realities some people live with, you’re fortunate. Truly.

And those people talking about their 10 year old daughters clearly have no idea of the agonies suffered by the families of teenage boys in areas that are known to be unsafe for them.

I have girls but it depends what you mean by a town centre. Big city centre - Nottingham - it was a not til they were around 14 - it's only 15 mins on the bus, and they have to stay in the boring shopping centre. Town, as in our local little suburban high street, then yes, they were allowed about 12 for a limited amount of time, they went to Greggs or Boots for a meal deal and sat in the park. I am also clear that I don't want it to be a massive group as that seems to be what attracts attention. Younger than 14, some Mums and I have alternated taking them into the City Centre. We sit in a cafe and they "shop". There have been so many teenage muggings and stabbings . it's not even if it happened to them - it's that is there was an incident in town would they feel confident getting home - we end up with Police Cordons cancelled trains/trains/buses.

YANBU. 12 years old (in my opinion) is too young to be hanging out in London town centres.

I would find another activity to occcupy his Saturdays.

He's not allowed McDonald's? So he's never tasted it? That gives him one less place he'll be able to go to amuse himself.

During the day there isn't much else for kids to do other than 'shopping'. In most suburban towns.

So I'd say daytime it should be fine. But if he brings an expensive phone or clothing or anything out and it gets lost or stolen then it's his own look out.

It's awful what happened recently to your family member but realistically you can't just tell kids to not go out on their own. Those incidents could just as easily happen travelling to and from school.

He's not allowed McDonald's? So he's never tasted it? That gives him one less place he'll be able to go to amuse himself.

It's probably the first place he'll head to.

Or Burger King, KFC, Wendy's etc.

Yeah exactly. They are literally the only food places under 16s use regularly!

He's hardly going to get a beetroot and feta salad pot from Waitrose!

No don't let him hang around anywhere. Find him alternative things to do . Sports activities, Scouts, bring his friends home?

No town centre in the U.K. is so unsafe that 12 year olds can’t visit it during the day.

Young people need unstructured time with their friends to build relationships and develop social skills.

Not everything needs to or should be structured.

And at what age do you think a young person should be able to go out on their own outside of an organised activity or visiting a friend's house?
Teenagers want to meet in an unstructured way. They should have some unsupervised freedom.

The thing is I can bet that some of the posters supporting overprotective rules on going out with friends will also have supported the (imo misguided) social media ban being promoted on here.

You can’t have it both ways. In my view a big reason for the big issues with mental health in teens is actually overbearing parents preventing them from socialising and risk-taking in person.

It’s also no wonder they spend so much time on TikTok if they can’t even go to town with friends!

I think I would agree with a 12 year going with mates to the town centre as long as they were quite mature and sensible. But it would be for a defined length of time, with definite plan for getting there and back and only during the day at this age, definitely not at night/after dark.
But the town centre where I live is relatively safe, it’s a small town.
Goinf further afield to the city (Glasgow) won’t be allowed until at least 15.

Again, why? What is wrong with a 14 year old getting a train or bus to Glasgow?

People like yourself used to badger my mother about being overprotective. No sleepovers, no hanging out on the streets etc.

I actually can’t thank her enough.

These things don’t have to be done by aged 12.

Where do you live? Gotham City?! 😱 Sounds horrific. No OP, I don't blame you at all with all that going on.

Ok all the macdonalds comments 😂I will clarify, we did eat macdonalds until a few years ago my youngest started putting on weight ( not just from macdonalds, we did eat a range of foods) and we as a family decided to cut out the fast foods as much as we can. Macdonalds is our one place we stopped going completely, there are other fast food chains that have better quality food like 5 guys and nandos. And they are more expensive so more occassional than macdonalds. I personally did find it all too easy to stop off on the way back from somewhere rather than make it home and cook a dinner. Its cheap and easy and the kids will never say no. So we decided to change our mindset about macdonalds.
Anyway, if he ate macdonalds once in a while then we won't actually care, the macdonalds ban is more of us trying to instill in them that macdonalds isnt the holy grail of wonder foods, but junk food to be consumed occassionally when needs must. Not to be used in place of a healthy diet.
I hope that clears it up for everyone!!

I can completely see where you're coming from, that's a lot of issues you have going on locally. Equally, he needs to build a social life. Are you in a position to offer something else to him and his mates, have them all round yours for food and video games, or take them all somewhere cool?

What do the other parents think? It sounds really hard, but they also can't just stay in their whole teenage years.

He is allowed to ride his bike all day and be out riding to a from friends and in the woods. He has clubs and activities. Days out, cinema etc.
Its just the town centre and aimless wandeting and hanging about that we want him away from, which if course is where he most wants to go now!

You didn’t have to explain the McDonalds thing OP, frankly I was bewildered at the consternation from some posters over a child not eating McDonalds!! As if a kid can’t grow up and be a part of society without a Big Mac every weekend 😂

My ds was not allowed to “hang around” in town at 12 either. We tried to arrange things for him and his friends to do instead. Go with your gut instinct, and remember 12 year olds don’t necessarily know how to risk assess, so you do that for him.

McDonalds is one of the few places that this age of child can realistically "hang out in" with friends. So, if he's banned from going, his sphere of socialisation is limited. Particularly as OP also has strong views on "looking round the shops" not being sufficiently purposeful.

My DC at this age also used to buy sandwiches and drinks from Poundland and sit and eat them in the park while they chatted, but not sure that would be acceptable to OP or some others on here either.

I don’t see why an occasional McDonald’s as part of a healthy and balanced lifestyle is a big issue tbh.

All of their ingredient and nutritional profiles are listed on the website. A Big Mac is 509 calories and 25g of fat. A pollo Italiano pizza at Pizza Express (which I assume is permitted for the middle classes) has 1087 calories and 50g of fat.

I wouldn’t be eating either on a daily basis but the McDonald’s hysteria is pure snobbery.

Holding your hand in the middle of town is not ideal at age 12.
Your son could be picked on.

I would allow him to go into the town centre with a friend or by himself but not too often, not in the dark and not to aimlessly walk about.
His school has advised that they don't do that.
Get DS into the habit of telling you where he is going, with whom and you decide what time he should be home.

My point was I don’t see why not eating McDonalds is a big issue 🤷‍♀️

Because it is bizarre and unhealthy to prohibit one particular brand in such a manner when it’s no more unhealthy than many other chains.

But until what age? 20's / 30's?
Poor lad can't even have a McDonalds. I'm into healthy eating but a treat every now again won't hurt him.