Should I email the school but it will 100 percent look like “ I’m one of those parents “

[Winningatlife12]

I will try not to drip feed. DD is year 7 and attends a small mild Sen school ( specialised in SPLD )!. She has autism / CP/ a complex health needs but is academically able. The school runs mainstream curriculum. She is a little out of cohort as she is a bit more complex than their usual cohort in terms of medical side.

every week they have awards and also good work mention in the news letter as well as end of term awards. DD is getting incredibly annoyed and frustrated about not ever getting mentioned like others do for maths sparx and reading plus.

maths spark there is compulsory homework - then you can XP work and targets as extra for extra XP points.

she has completed every compulsory homework on there plus the XP and the target work. She has been 1st place in the leader board for her class for a long time.

reading plus - compulsory is x 2 a week ( Monday to Friday and house points for any extra you may do as well a reason plus award each week that gives you some prize.

so far the compulsory is at around 44 they should have done she has done 107 for her house points for the class. She has completed 5 levels.

here’s where the issue is sometimes it’s out of the time frame so for instance reading plus there is some weeks she has done 0 but then has done extra on another week.

so overall all her apps are ahead of where they should be by miles but on a weekly basis sometimes one week will have one the next week she will do the week set and the week she missed before.

this is because of health - she has had a really rocky start to secondary school life which had unfortunately lead to 3 hospital admissions including being on life support for septic shock.

after the admission for septic shock she returned to school the following week of being discharged straight to full days ( because she wanted to )
the school were supportive of this and kind no issues there and have allowed her breaks when needed etc.
( this was recent )
yesterday - she came home and she was so upset because somehow despite all of what’s happened in the last month her homework was all done and ahead. She said she doesn’t know what else she has to do or what she is doing differently to the ones who are getting recognition / awards ( you can see the leaderboards ) so she knows where she is.

I don’t know whether I should ask the school ? But that may make me look like a crazy mum.
or to just remove the apps 🤣

My mainstream secondary gives "star of the week" equivalents

No in one go - she was present in between 🙈

she had to have a surgical procedure then went back then for a post surgical infection - went back and caught influenza which also landed her in hospital - then went back and then had sepsis. It has been chaos I agree but could not be helped.

Have you decided what to do?

I will email Monday politely as it gene only isn’t a complaint. I would rather no awards at all 🤣
just email to ask so I can explain the system to her a bit better.

DS was very upset when he was given a demerit on day 1 for not having a piece of equipment that was not on the list. It really jaundiced his attitude to awards at the school. He’d had a perfect record in his previous school, and was highly motivated to keep it that way.

When they devalue the system, the DC lose interest.

Is it a different person each week? If so there may not have been enough weeks for everyone to have a turn yet. If not then perhaps a gentle email explaining the situation, but don't over dramatise it or anything, just ask nicely and find out.

No, it’s not a rotational thing, some have one mutiple times so far.
she has no had so much as a well done
now there could very well be reasons for this but apart from attendance I can’t really find another one.

if there is a reason then I’m happy to accept it and explain it I am assuming it’s “ the when she does her homework “ that’s the problem.

she has no had so much as a well done

this is what your 11/12 year old is telling you? Oh come on this is a special school. And even if it wasn’t… likely nonsense

So all though she has done way more than needed overall it’s not included because she didn’t do “ 2 “ a week that makes sense for the end of term award at least because that award is for someone who completed reading plus every week

so
bob could do 2 a week compulsory ones but none of the extra point ones and win the award

chloe could have completed more than Bob including the compulsory amount over all for that term and extra point ones but it doesn’t count because she didn’t do it tech every week.

this is what I think is happening which if it’s clarified then at least I can explain that to her.

the weekly ones I’m not sure why she has never ever won it I know why some weeks.

I mean …. I would know if she got a well done on for it in the reading plus section of the good work because we get sent it. That’s seperate to the awards.

During the school day I am sure you’re daughter has been told “well done”

just send the email on Monday

You need to frame the question exactly as you have presented the problem here. The problem isn’t that your daughter isn’t being listed. The problem is that your daughter is feeling disincentivized because she doesn’t understand the standards for listing.

This happens not just in school. Employers have awards and incentives that applied inexpertly can equally disincentivize employees.

Absolutely fine to email - I'd contact form tutor or head of year in the first instance.

The term “that parent” is reserved for unreasonable, disproportionate, batshit correspondence such as the threads on here from the parent who was “furious” at the school for not replacing her child’s reward sticker when it had become worn and fell off or the parent who wanted to give the teacher two barrels because she was holding an umbrella over her child then turned to speak to another child causing her child to get wet.

As a teacher, I would never want a parent to hesitate to contact me for a reasonable request such as this. It could be an oversight or that there were other children more deserving certain weeks but a lovely polite email from a parent saying their child is upset at being overlooked would not be something that would upset or anger nor would I label a parent “that parent”. I may not be able to give her that particular reward but if I couldn’t, I’d find something else to reward her with to boost her confidence or give her more of my time and attention.

Parents should never be worried about contacting the school about matters such as this. It’s the small minority parents who have wildly unreasonable or disproportionately insane reactions to non-incidents or non-issues or ones that back their child's bad behaviour to the hilt or speak in vile language to others that are the ones that are the pain. I welcome contact from parents if their child was feeling sad or concerned about something in my class.

As a previous poster said, no need for drama, a polite and gentle email asking the teacher to perhaps creatively search for something to boost her confidence or reward her with is absolutely fine. Please don’t worry!

I think you'd need to email the school office in the first instance unless they have given out individual email addresses. Is there anyone with a pastoral role in the school?

Only read OP's posts.

I think the leaderboards are not at all helpful. While you DD is at the top all the time, there is likely a child at the bottom every week, or a few kids who never make it off the bottom few.
Who does the leaderboard benefit?

I do believe you and your DD.
I have 4 kids and the youngest - now in year 6 - has never had Star Of The Week or been picked to have lines in assembly or anything like that in 7 years! She no longer puts her hand up for anything as she is never picked. She is resigned to this but it has annoyed me so much that I have now challenged the school about it. Luckily she does lots of hobbies so has other things going on even if she is some kind of ghost child at school.
I would say wait a little longer - but not 7 years as we did!

I'm a parent governor at the secondary school (age 11-16, years 7-11) that my kids went to (I was elected for a term of office which started when DS2 was still there, but in year 11) and was previously a parent and co-opted governor at their primary school. The school where I am governor gives out achievement and behaviour points, but achievement points aren't limited, so all achievements could be mentioned..

I think it's very reasonable to be concerned about a scheme which doesn't take account of the achievements of students with medical needs and disabilities which impact on their attendance, and have come across this issue before.

Perhaps as well as talking about your daughter's specific case, ask what they're policies are to make sure they support special needs students and value/recognise the achievements of all, not just those who might get a series of 9s at GCSE.

Is word it in a way of asking how you can work with the school to support DD.

Dear teacher,

As you are aware DD has complex medical needs which result in hospitalisations as well as extreme fatigue some weeks.

She already struggles emotionally with this as it sets her aside from her peers and friendships are harder to maintain with frequent periods of absense.

Dd and I are both aware this also means her homework being completed on inconsistent in a weekly basis.

However, DD is a conscientious student who strives to catch up and also to complete extra work for house points.

She is becoming increasingly aware that on such weeks she is not receiving the same recognition as her peers?

Is there a way we could work together to ensure that her efforts are recognised equally alongside her peers during those weeks she’s able to ensure she remains motivated rather than disenfranchised due to her disability that she cannot control?

I look forward to any suggestions you can put forward.

many thanks

xxxxx

that way you are asking for a solution to the problem as your DD sees it.

And what was the school’s response to your “challenge” @StormySam ?

I had a similar situation to this, admittedly with DS who is only in reception, but every week in assembly they’d give out two certificates for various things and it would say in the newsletter who got them. I noticed that some children were getting them repeatedly (I expected them to just be working round the class) and my son was feeling a bit disheartened. So we brought it up in parents evening, framed as ‘we’ve noticed he hasn’t got one, is he not contributing in class?’ And she admitted it was mostly random. Lo and behold, the next week he got a certificate and he was utterly thrilled. He’s young for his year and quiet so I felt it would really help his confidence to see he was doing ok.

So, definitely bring it up, but frame it as a question about your daughter, not a criticism of the system.

I also had a ghost child. Conscientious, hard working and happy to help out, but always under the radar and desperate for recognition. I’m afraid by about year 5, DH and I started calling it the “who didn’t throw a chair through the window this week” award.

I appreciate that it’s important to reward badly behaved children when they do something good for a change, but it’s hard for the children who try hard every week.

I do think this might contribute to it to be honest, she is a very quiet, compliant , passive girl. She Is not the most academically able and has to work really hard to keep up with her school work but it does often go un noticed.
primary school she never got star of the week once and literally everyone did. They woukd realise at the end of year that she never actually for star of the week and then give her an award for her during the end of year awards by the end of year 6 she used to call it - my forgot me all year award ! 🤣

"always good" children sometimes get overlooked.

I had to ask at my daughter's nursery as she hadn't got to take the special teddy home for being star of thep. week. She was feeling pretty glum about it and she only had a few weeks left before she started school. They introduced a birthday teddy a week later and she was the first person to get that so that every child gets some feeling of being seen once a year.

She is in year 1 and I would say it's based on which child needs a bit of a boost that week. My daughter has had two stars of the week. One the week her brother was born and the other when she had had a difficult couple of weeks in school.

That was mainstream

This is a special school, which is why the suggestion she’s not even getting a “well done” is probably a little exaggerated