How to handle DD6 possible learning difficulties and DH attitude towards the whole thing ? Who’s right and who’s wrong ?

[jahb]

The school have mentioned my just turned 6 year 1 DD may have some attention issues that are creating a barrier to her learning. She’s at a private school.

anyhow, they want to explore further by having her observed by the senco. All fine.

she’s doing OK in phonics and is expected there. Her maths score is 96 and her English score is also 96.

the teachers don’t want her to fall properly behind and thinks she just can’t focus and it’s creating a barrier for her learning.

my DH thinks everyone just wants to label every e and she is only 6 and might improve when she matures in a few months.

we don’t have the outcome or the senco observation yet, so I guess we will see then.

can anyone share experiences here with their child going through something similar and the other parent just thinking the concerns aren’t valid etc ? I’m sure my DD will be fine no matter what the outcome and I definitely support her not falling behind.

I am looking at tutoring for her to help her as well, in the meantime.

thanks for reading.

I do read with her every day and she writes stories and sentences every day. It’s really sweet. She just loves it. But I could get more focused on what exactly she’s writing etc. but up until now I wasn’t aware of her exact issues- applying the set two and three sounds.

maths wise we also do a bit every day. We just practice number bonds and adding and subtracting within 20.

I got her looked at by a tutor who has identified gaps and can give me targeted worksheets for her to do. I think that’s useful and not ‘ outsourcing ‘. The tutor will see her only 45 minutes a week in a class with other kids but provide me with targeted stuff for het to do with me. I would just feel more comfortable knowing I’m doing exactly what she needs.

Without being harsh it sounds as though the school are teeing you up and say that she isn't meeting their expectations and she'll ultimately be asked to leave - 'not a good fit' etc. This has happened to several children at my child's private school in Y3. What level wouid they expect her to be at? I understand 100 is the national average but many private schools are expecting a higher level eg 115/120. I know this isn't what you came on here to ask but you might need to start lookong at options rather than be blindsided with a few weeks to find a new school.

That's my experience too.

My son is in Year 5 and the last assessments were in the 80's for Maths which is 'below expected standards' and in the 90's for English (reading, writing) which is 'working towards expected standards' and if any were at 100, it would be 'meeting expected standards'.

My son fell behind after some unavoidable time out of school, he used to be below expected standards for everything. He gets some interventions at school and we also work with him at home as well as him having a Maths tutor.

I have definitely thought about that possibility.

Really wishing you all the best x

There are definitely other kids though that aren’t getting the highest scores at all and the school aren’t suggesting SEN. So I think in my DDs case they think there could be something.

As in, there are kids who cannot read at my DDs level who are not being observed by SEN. I know this for a fact.

Sorry but I need this to be spelled out for me. She is 6yo, has some attention problems and can't read or write properly yet and is slightly behind in maths? Is that the problem here?

Where i am from, kids won't go to school until they are 7 and start to properly learn to read and write. So to me this does not register as a massive issue yet. It is good to observe but I'm not sure yiur husband is in denial about it either.

That's because she's 6!
When is her birthday?

As pp said, SENCO is unlikely to be qualified to label your child, an observation will be just that, notes about what the SENCO saw while in the classroom with your DD.
SENCO's role is to advise the classteacher about strategies to help your child learn and apply her learning in other situations.e.g. using phonics in her writing.

Please don't think about a tutor at this stage, she already spends a large part of the day at school, presumably working hard, she needs downtime when she is at home, time to recharge her batteries, ready to cope with what the next day brings.

If she does have a barrier to learning she will be working harder than her peers to keep up with them, without the extra work with a tutor.

The teacher raising this is a positive. So many kids get to secondary before being fully supported.

your challenge is possibly accepting that she won’t be the same as her siblings who presumably didn’t need any extra support. She will thrive in her own way - just possibly not in the ways you know

She has a younger sibling…

If she meets the criteria - hence the assessment - it's not a label.

It's a shield.

It's a shield against being written off - labelled - as low ability. It's a shield against being labelled as badly behaved, spoiled, over indulged or having inadequate parenting. It's a shield against being unable to attain the levels that a child is intellectually (and physically) capable of due to not having their learning or social needs met. It can protect against the consequences of acting out due to unmet needs - impulsive acts or speech, friendship issues, injuries - as having that shield means they're helped practically and emotionally to navigate a world where it's not entirely aligned with the way their brain works.

Don't take away her protection before it's even been given to her.

Her scores are average and many 6 year olds are fidgety, my youngest is 6 in a couple of months and he can’t sit still for long periods of time either.
I suspect because she is at private school they are more concerned then they would be at a mainstream school because if she isn’t super excelling, they feel it reflects badly on them.
I have nieces/nephews that attend private school and there does seem to be some hyper focusing on achievement from a young age, I certainly wouldn’t get told that there were concerns about learning at my sons school if he was scoring the same as your daughter.
In a recent parents evening I was told my son was slightly behind, he goes to a booster club once a week and we make sure we do his reading etc every day.
The school emphasised how positive he was about being in school, what a great friend he was and how he was resilient about tasks he finds tricky, which tbh is what schools should focus on at 6.
There is no point in getting her a tutor at her age, my eldest was very similar to our youngest and we didn’t get him a tutor until he was 9, for 2 x half an hour sessions in the subjects/tasks his school teacher thought he would benefit from spending extra time on.
He is now in the top 1/3 of most of his classes in secondary school and can focus and complete work well.
I would relax and let her be at the moment, if the school want to get a someone to see how she copes in the classroom then thats one thing, getting anxious about her falling behind, introducing a tutor and applying pressure is another and I’m with your DH with this one.
If your DD stats to feel sad that she is falling behind and too different to her cohort then I would question if this school in particular is the right fit for your daughter and she may feel more comfortable in a less pressurised environment.

I don’t know about fidgety but my DD’s teacher took us aside when she was just 6 to say she was pretty sure she had dyslexia and was masking by not cooperating in class. Teacher was completely right. We started specialised tutoring to support her age 7 when she went into year 3, the youngest they would take them. She got her official dyslexia diagnosis a few months later. The good news is despite a rocky road through primary she made a breakthrough age 12 and has excellent a levels, a very good degree, a masters, professional qualifications and does a job which is very technical. Definitely explore with an open mind

yeah the school are framing it like ‘ she’s not where we expect her to be’ and ‘ we think there could be a reason, her lack of focus.’

I did ask, if she’s below their standard or below the standard of 6 year olds in general and they said ‘ nmmhhh, in maths we think she might actually be slightly below kids her age in general ‘…

sounds to me like she’s below THEIR standards. Even though like I said, I know kids who cannot read as well as her that are not being considered for SEN. So in her case I think they really think it’s her lack of focus.

anyway, if it does turn out to be just their standards, I will take her out and my son as well. Who’s going to start reception this year. I chose the school because of their focus on the whole child rather than just academics.

It really says something that despite you spending a lot of money on school fees, presumably for the value of smaller classes and more individual attention, you are now spending even more money on a tutor because you don't trust the school to understand your daughter's specific issues and what she needs.

What does it say exactly ?

I don’t have any specific advice regarding your OP, however, my 6‑year‑old who is in Year One was having attention difficulties, so we had her assessed in October and she received a diagnosis. An Educational Psychologist observed her a month later and confirmed that small class sizes are an essential part of her disability-related needs.We’re now at the draft stage of her EHCP, and the local authority will be taking over funding for her education in the next few weeks. Our LA is happy to fund private school places as the fees for specialist schools in our area cost significantly more.

They might a little further down the line say that they don’t think they are the right fit for her and ask you to look into alternative places.
If they do it says more about them than your daughter…. It’s very sad that they can look at a little girl and bring to you concerns that actually don’t sound like a problem.
I’m all for children who need help getting it, my eldest is Autistic and struggled so much in primary school socially and academically.
We paid privately to have him assessed because he was falling apart at the seams by year 5, but the school didn’t see it and he managed to keep it together until he got home.
Your daughter is 6, I’m guessing year 1 which is the same year as our little one.
If she’s happy, polite, can take turns, as is roughly where she should be academically give or take a level I honestly would focus forest school type hobbies etc outside of school rather than tutoring. Mine loves a good forage and run around in the woods which personally I think is far more important at the age of 6 then sitting perfectly in class and being a perfect reader.

@lessglittermoremudmy DD is so sweet. She’s really confident and engaged. People always think she’s smart. She’s the kind of child who says hello to all the mums / everyone and has done since nursery. She’s very creative and that’s why she enjoys writing stories ( but doesn’t spell well ). She has lots of friends and is polite and doesn’t disrupt class. She loves learning and she loves going to school.

the teachers say they don’t want any of this to change. Which is why they want to see how they can best support her.

Let them observe her. If she ends up being eg dyslexic/dyspraxic get a tutor specialised in that who can then also guide you all with adapted resources. If there are issues, the earlier the intervention the better. You say she loves learning which is great! Keep it that way and keep encouraging and praising and make sure to never ever discuss any difficulties within her earshot.

her art teacher says she’s incredible in art lessons and just comes alive apparently and is very confident. Lots of ideas.

she also loves to dance. She has a natural thing for moving her body to music. Not trying to be a show off, just showing the rest of her personality. But I’m aware lots of 6 year old girls are like this !

The fact the school wants to help and address and has picked up she is bright and eager is fantastic! With dyslexia they often just cannot understand or process the questions or put pen to paper but it’s all up their in their understanding. Read to her as much as possible and also audio books are great. But primarily adapted resources are a game changer.

I would just let them observe her in class and see what they say.
I wouldn’t at this stage be falling down a rabbit hole worrying about learning difficulties, extra tutoring etc.
All children are different, my eldest is in a mainstream secondary, the second one is on course to head to Grammar school as was his wish and my little one is nowhere near the age where anyone should be looking at him and making decisions about what may be an issue.
He has moved up 3 phonics groups in the last 4 months after not having any interest in it in reception. His teachers in reception weren’t worried, he’s a summer born boy as is our eldest. Year 3 is when things usually start to even out a little and if she’s behind then, struggling to focus on class then I would be looking into it more as a parent.

What are you trying to say ?