Teenage upset

[hollyolly]

I am so upset tonight. I am married 20 years with teenage kids. My husband was married before with no kids. He didn’t tell our children this until a couple of years ago - I don’t really know why not but it was hard for him and it took a lot to open up. I left it to him to decide when was the right time. Tonight my son said to me that his friends think it’s hilarious that his Dad was married before. I was so taken aback that what I would have perceived as family business / important to his Dad was casually out there. My husband is a coach to many of these boys and friends with the fathers of my son’s friends and he wouldn’t have spoken to them about a previous marriage. I am friends with their wives and again it hasn’t come up in all these years as it isn’t relevant to our lives. There is no scandal just two people marrying young and breaking up after a few years. To me growing up family was first and I would not have broadcast family business. Aibu to be upset on my husbands behalf or am I being unreasonable. He doesn’t know yet but I know it is something he would not have wanted.

If you live in a small town or village it’s actually important for these “not so unusual” events be in the open. The reality is he has an ex, an ex with family and friends.
Of course someone is going to say “he was almost your uncle”.

Your ds might be exaggerating. I can't imagine teenage boys would be that interested or bothered about it. It's not really shocking in this day and age. I'm sure they'll move onto more interesting stuff in no time anyway.

I don’t imagine many people outside the immediate family could care less

People have a history qe are not living in the 19th century why would anyone really care? Are you living in some strict religious cult? If not then seriously why on earth does it matter?

What on earth does any of this matter? It’s not the 18th century. Why would this be a secret? Why would anyone be upset by it? Such a bizarre reaction to a non-issue.

Was he very young and they laughed because they cant imagine it?

Although agree, cannot imagine any teenagers being fussed about it. Half of marriages end in divorce so its barely unusual. So many dont get married or have separated parents.

Wouldn't give it a second thought.

If it’s a big deal to you and your family moral boundaries,then perhaps having a chat with your son in the first instance.

Such a weird thing to keep secret and expect your teens not to talk about with their mates now they do know.

Why does it even matter? You are acting like it’s some huge secret. Very strange.

Do they find it funny that he was married twice, or that he kept the first marriage a secret from his children for so long? If they find it odd that he's been married twice, that's a little odd; seems more likely that it's the latter.

What's the big deal? Why did you keep it secret from the kids?

You being upset his previous marriage is no longer a classified top secret thing is weird.

Dont shame.or tell.your son off for sharing totally harmless facts

It sounds like your husband was incredibly secretive and thst is what is more unusual

Nobody outside your family will think it a big deal at all.

Your title implies that teenagers are upset about this but it sounds as if it's only you and (?) your husband have a problem. Why are you upset?

I can only echo what the others have said, that your son has done no wrong and it was a bit weird to keep it secret.

So not really teenage upset, which implies your teens have been adversely affected by the fact that their Dad had a previous (and seemingly insignificant) marriage, but more your inability to have a straightforward and grownup conversation with your children about the fact that both you and their father had a whole, entire existence before they were born?

Your teens will not understand that this is inportant to their dad.

to them it is ancient history that no-one could ever really care about.

I didn’t find out till I was 30 that my dad had been married before my mum, like your husband he was young and it didn’t last long.
It wasn’t purposely kept secret it was just not something anyone talked about.
I love roasting him about not understanding how he managed to get two women to marry him. Lucky for me my Dad finds it funny.

You are being ridiculous! Why are you behaving as if it is some grubby secret?

Nobody cares whether or not your husband was married before. Truly, no one cares.

You have completely lost all sense of proportion, and your idea of thinking differently of people who have been married before is fully your own.
Thank goodness your son has not taken it on board.

You have nothing to be upset about at all.

It's super weird that your dh has been so weird about the whole thing. Are you sure there were no dc from the previous marriage?

I don’t think this should have been kept from your kids and now they know it’s factual information they can do whatever they want with.

How is a marriage that ended 25 years ago or whatever “family business”?

You’re reacting ridiculously

This honesty did cross my mind reading the post

Keeping it a secret for so many years has made it into a bigger deal than it needed to be.
Most bizarre.

I have a ds 17 and he wouldn't bat an eyelid over this. He'd have forgotten it within the hour.
More than 40% of marriages fail so a significant number of your ds' school mates will have a parent who has been divorced. It's completely irrelevant. It will only remain in their consciousness if you make a fuss.

I can’t imagine why anyone would be bothered about this?

I don’t know why this has been made into such a big deal. Please don’t have a go at your son for telling his friends, that was a perfectly normal thing to do. His friends mums and dads won’t care- it’s really not any kind of a deal at all.