To ask if your 14 year old has their phone overnight?

[Usermoniker]

Recurring argument in our house.

Yabu = my 14 year old has/had their phone all night

Yanbu = yes, they leave phone out of room/I pry it from their surprisingly strong hands each night

Agree with the “temptation” thing. It’s like leaving a box of their very favourite biscuits/sweets/chocolate next to their bed and saying “DO NOT TOUCH”.

Just take the temptation away, no problems arise.

My 15 year old has her phone in her room because her (many, because one is not enough...) alarms are on it but it locks at 10 on school nights and half 10 on weekends (but tbh on weekends I will often extend that to midnight because she is a night owl). When her routine goes completely nocturnal after a longer school holiday (because she is a night owl, and has been since she was a baby!) then I'll allow a night when it doesn't lock at all so she can pull an all-nighter and get to bed at a more reasonable time the next day to reset for school again.

Once turning 14 my DC was allowed to keep their phone overnight. However, I believe it depends upon how likely your DC is to stay awake on their phone. My teen does not and will prioritise sleep. Phone screen time can be checked at anytime and if I felt the need to remove the phone again, I certainly would. Phone must go on aeroplane mode also.

Only the parent of a teen knows when they are responsible enough for this. Would I allow my DC to have their phone overnight if they were using it into the early hours? Absolutely not.

Absolutely not. Utter madness. She goes up for a bath around 8 then reads or watches a show in bed. Asleep by 10. Phone is left downstairs. She doesn't have a boyfriend though and isn't massively sociable so isn't bothered.

My DC is in their 20s now, so age 14 was a while ago, but we never removed technology from them at night. Never had the need to. And if someone is going to say they may have been using it without our knowledge, perhaps that’s so, but they were never tired in the day, as happens now if they’ve been up partying all night.

Yes at that age, although my kids are all age 18+ now.

Reasons:
DD wanted to get up about 545am to do her beauty prep and socialise online & move around like a slug before walking to catch school bus.

DS had to get up at 6am to do paper round before school & he needed to communicate with employers while working, etc.

I guess I could have had a timed locker gadget outside their bedroom doors that only "released" the phone into their hands at wake up time. But I didn't.

Nope. Phone outside bedrooms from 10ish. And my eldest is nearly 16. Not really planning on changing this anytime soon either.

Thing is it’s not just about physical sleep, it’s the mental switch off, the constant availability, particularly harmful if a teen is experiencing any kind of bullying or such like which sadly we can not guarantee to know. It’s also the time they are more likely to access harmful content, doom scrolling and the like.

I want to teach my children they don’t have to be ‘on’ and available all the time, their bedrooms should be cacoons, safe spaces. The presence of mobile phones is intrusive, they will likely have them with them for the rest of their lives, let’s give them some space in these vulnerable developing years. Teach them some distance.

No, he's ADHD and can't self regulate with tech. DD was allowed after GCSEs but she can self regulate.

Phone charges in his room overnight but it’s on brick mode from 9.15pm until 7am and when I check it in the mornings, I see the WhatsApp full of all his mates saying goodnight at about 8.30pm because all his friends’ parents are on the same discipline level as me!

No, neither of ours have them at night, and eldest is now 16!

I don’t believe any of this was an issue with my DC, perhaps because he was sporty and had a lot of other hobbies, or perhaps because life has moved on in the 10 years since I had a DC that age and it’s more of a problem now. I know that lockdown pushed so many people towards a more on-line life and I’m sure there are many other factors too. I was simply answering the OP from my experience.

My daughters are 14 and 12, no phones in bedroom over nite. Eldest on charge in our bedroom and others on charge downstairs. They'd be on them all nite if they had them over nite

My daughter is 14 this year and nope, she doesn’t have it over night.

My eldest daughter is 20 and I continued to take it from her until after the last GCSE exam was completed. After that, she had it with her.

At the time, she battled me and said she was mature and ‘all her mates had theirs’. Well guess what, you live here and you drew the short straw with parents who give a shit!

We have recently had a conversation about this and she has thanked me for taking it off her because it allowed her time to rest overnight and focus better at school. She didn’t see it then, but looking back she said she was too immature to not be distracted by it.

So, the same conversation has arose with my youngest daughter and she knows the rules. She saw what her sister had to do and so far we’ve had no issues. I’ll be sticking to my guns and she knows that. I pay the bill and I can end the contract at any time. Argue and it’s gone. I also check through her phone religiously. She knows that and we don’t hide anything in our house. Lines of communication are open and they know I will but in when I need to.

We are the adults. We are the parents. We aren’t their mates. We are keeping them safe and healthy. End of.

Fri and Sat only - she video calls friends and plays games sometimes or reads free books.

14 yo boy and this causes an argument nearly every single night as apparently all his friends are allowed. Phone stays in our room overnight - it’s so hard though as already spends too much time scrolling through rain rot but have to pick your battles and phone overnight is one of them.

Everyone in my house leaves their phone in our kitchen overnight (2 adults, 16y, 12y)

Nope. Kids aged 13 and nearly 16 here and both have to leave their phones plugged in downstairs at night. Us parents also do the same. Phones in bedrooms = bad sleep.

Absolutely no way. I struggle a little to 'control' screen time etc, but this one, I have covered. Phone goes in the kitchen, on a charger. There is no discussion. Even my eldest (nearly 18, has no more screen time) still leaves the phone downstairs. They all have an alarm - don't need a phone for it. These things are so addictive ... so phone downstairs at night, is a hill I'd be prepared to die on (I realise we all have different hills ... this is mine!)

I know I was attacking or judging, just wanted to raise it wasn’t just about sleep for me and it’s a wider issue.

My kids didn’t have their phones over night until they were 16. So many young teens are active on social media and texting late into the night it’s madness

All’s devices out of rooms one hour before bedtime. I have 13 and 15 yo boys. Else they would not come off.

Thanks for all the replies.
It's nice to know I'm not actually the worlds cruelest mother.
DC insists I am in the minority but clearly I am not. My other teen hands up the phone every night when asked, and is also better at regulating their own screen time, but 14 year old would sit and scroll and game all day and night if allowed.

I’m the cruellest mum too along with all the other cruellest mums. I’m ok with that 🤷‍♀️

I have pointed out to DD that my life would be a lot easier if I gave up on any screen time restrictions - so if I’m bothering to stick to my guns despite it meaning more whinging and arguments, it must be something I think is important for her.

She says she wishes I did less research 😆🤦‍♀️

I charge my daughters in my room. I dont look at it.